MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 29/09/2026One man's rando is another man's treasure, wife, and soulmate. 040
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 28/09/2026I genuinely love selling jewelry online. I make people so happy with beautiful things and it's also a revolving costume party for me. Just a little too easy to go overboard 140
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I just haven't been the same since that day in elementary school when I learned that "peaple" wasn't spelled with an A. People? PeOple?? Some traumas are too deep. 151
Reposted by MajorFlakeGene Rayburn @generayburn.com · 24/09/2026The sequel to The Thing was The Thang. It didn't do very well at the box office. 6266
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Hey y'all this is a serious question that I need some answers to if you could please give me your input (it's for a radio show program) What is a song you genuinely considered to be a masterpiece that isn't generally thought of as a masterpiece by many other people? 6071
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026With "friends" like fkn Stacey who needs acquaintances AMIRITE?! (I am available to perform at nursing homes.) 031
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Actually, FYI, I read some peer-reviewed, double-blind placebo-controlled research in the journal CELL that I’m not sorry at all for sounding “pedantic” sometimes but I’m sorry how much people accept lies. 010
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Just being groped by a guy who offered me a car ride and then blocked me from getting out of his car caused me so much distress that I started injuring my skin for a couple of years. Even things that seem small can have a really bad effects when it comes to anything involving sexual imposition 021
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Someone thought it was pronounced like Santeria. No, no. It was literally pronounced like "shit aria." You know, like an operatic bowel movement. And her mom? A hooker. Named Tina. 010
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026I do think Louis CK is the funniest comedian and people should be forgiven but don't act like he didn't do anything wrong at all. He blocked the door away with one woman (which would be terrifying) and two others said he loved the look of fear on their faces. He later said the stories were TRUE. 130
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026It was over a year ago now that my mom was watching "Family Feud" and in the background I noticed a woman named Escortina. Her daughter was named... Shitaria. Would that I were joking. Escort-Tina, and Shit-Aria. It was, at least, the most fascinating thing I've ever seen on "Family Feud." 160
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/09/2026🎶Just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan Just wipe off the blood, Bud Just mop up the brains, Blaine Just flay off the skin, Flynn Dismember the leg, Greg Just clean up the crime scene, Gene Don't leave a DNA, Trey There must be, 50 ways to cleave your lover 🎶 172
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I mean, listen, if any children in the history of the world have ever looked "murderable" it's these 3. 111
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 08/09/2026MTV "News" used to mock Michael Jackson calling him "self-proclaimed King of Pop." Jackson should've just escalted: King of Pop> Emperor of All Music> Supreme Being of the Milky Way so they had to say each one, then insisted "Mikey J." like he'd been humbled... & re-start cycle of arrogance again 030
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 08/09/2026These extremely stupid old Conan clips are fking killing me 😂 (New TV Pilots) youtube.com/watch?v=H5Up... youtube.com/watch?v=H5Up... 020
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 08/09/2026I got my first period at 14 years old on Friday the 13th. It felt appropriate. 050
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 25/02/2026One of most awful thoughts I've ever had... I came across story about this British killer who killed 3 little kids in most gruesome way. He said it was cuz "baby wouldn't stop crying." Horrifying night terror stuff. But also... WTF was up with these kids...? I mean looking at them irritates ME. 131
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I have to break up with you, internet. It's not YouTube, it's Meme. 061
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 27/07/2026🎶 I never could be happy in the city at night, you can't see the stars for the neon lights Nobody here can dance like meeee, everybody's clapping on the 1 and the 3. Am I... the last of my kind?" == They really cant dance like me tho but cuz sobriety, sense of approriateness, general sanity, etc 141
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I mean, listen, if any children in the history of the world have ever looked "murderable" it's these 3. 111
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Sometimes, on some occasions, I "think first" and don't hit the send button 161
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 05/06/2026Excessive self-involvement sometimes occurs. 032
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 20/06/2026Fuk outta my face with that shit I ain't no fool 021
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 13/07/2026Off to chop firewood for my fairies 181
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 17/07/2026Our lights are out. It’s been 2 minutes, 28 seconds. The situation is dire. Summer night Florida temperatures plummet as low as 65 degrees. I push the thoughts out of my head but as time passes they make their way to the forefront of my mind: Will I resort to cannibalism? 062
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 30/07/2026Say what you will but there's a lot of... *cuts you off mid-sentence* "What you will but there's a lot of!!" I beam at you with unmaskable joy, proud of myself to a degree so deep I start to shake from the giddy excitement. 031
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 04/08/2026*sigh* My increasingly abusive insistence to save this man do not appear to be having an effect. For tonight, I hang my hat. Hang in there, Ace. We will find you. #SaveAceBaldwin 001
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 04/08/2026The Ace Baldwin Liberation Society and the Coalition to Find Ace Baldwin have put out press releases today. They have uncovered evidence that he is being held captive somewhere and tortured by the other Baldwins #SaveAceBaldwin 142
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 31/07/2026I spent literal days on this one 1114
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Oh my God. I emailed this to my actually very cool, intelligent psychiatrist for funsies. He called it: "A hilariously self-aware artifact of autistic dysfunction" I feel: 1. Extremely amused. 2. In admiration of his linguistic directness & precision. 3. Like in want to crawl into a hole forever. 072
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Or like a tiny mermaid with big dick. You know, something classy. 021
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I can’t say I’d *never* get a tattoo. I would consider something small and tasteful like a little flower or a tiny car with hot-rod flames painted across the side. 020
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Quantánamo Bay, where you’re both being tortured and not being tortured until human rights observers arrive to check on you. (This is a very solid joke if you're into quantum physics. Or a very "wave/particle" joke, if you will...) 171
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Is there an "Ace Baldwin"? I just feel like there definitely is and maybe they are hiding him. Ace, are you ok? 152
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Only one civilian has publicly supported these efforts so far. May this quiet initial show of solidarity sustain Ace through the torture he is being subjected to. #SaveAceBaldwin 001
Reposted by MajorFlakeMajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Another week, same old routine. (I am soooo tired of everyone constantly being like: "Oh my god, you are so good at murder! How are so f-ing good at it?" and then telling all their friends. Ugh. I just AM, all right? Leave me alone already. Get a life.) 031
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 02/09/2026If I was a baby again I'd make all the other babies look so fkn stupid. And absolutely demolish them in arm-wrestling. 150
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 30/08/2026It's so hard being a single mom because I don't have any kids. 0177
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 27/08/2026Saw a beautiful picture of a young Mick Jagger and had instantaneous feeling in my groin that I wanted to have a penis to put in his mouth. It was fucking bizarre. Never had any trans feelings before that. Anyhoo! 4 Hail Mary's & 2 Our Father's and I can go? 042
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 25/08/2026As if life can't be nightmarish enough I have to sit for 3 hr iron infusion today (my body won't absorb it otherwise). It's at a cancer center & makes me feel even worse for the people around me. It literally takes 3 hours (90 minute infusion+ long intake+ even longer supervision after) 230
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 24/08/2026My only-for-fun stand completely outside my workspace is getting chaotic but I also really love it 151
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Ever since I was a little girl I knew I wanted to grow up and argue with strangers on the Internet 072
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026For people asking: www.redbubble.com/i/sticker/I-... Pick "holographic"redbubble.com"I Have to Say Weird Stuff or I'll Die " Sticker for Sale by Gbriel3I Have to Say Weird Stuff or I'll Die • Millions of unique designs by independent artists. Find your thing. 060
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026I'm a lyrical gangster; murderer. (Still love ya like da-aa-at) 010
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Another week, same old routine. (I am soooo tired of everyone constantly being like: "Oh my god, you are so good at murder! How are so f-ing good at it?" and then telling all their friends. Ugh. I just AM, all right? Leave me alone already. Get a life.) 031
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 23/08/2026Adderall is literally an amphetamine salt but it's OK because it's "medicine" Medicine that makes pharmaceutical companies a lot of fucking money 020
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 22/08/2026"you gotta play along to get along" I understand this expression for the first time in my life. I like the expression "over my dead body" but I mean that literally if it has to be because I won't play along if that means I have to pretend anything at all 010
MajorFlake @majorflake.bsky.social · 20/08/2026There comes a time in every woman's life when she must ask herself, "Have I acted in sufficiently creepy ways this week?" If she finds herself lacking there is but only one corrective action, and that is to purchase a taxidermy bat with a portion of her grocery allowance. 030
