The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 02/10/2026As of today, I am qualified to fell trees. I am also just about over whatever hideous cold/flu/COVID variant I've had for the past week. This means that in a very literal sense, I am a lumberjack, and I am alright. It's a good day. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 30/09/2026Russell Crowe is becoming my generation's "surely he CAN'T need the money?!" actor. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 27/09/2026On the one hand, "Choosin' Texas" is such a huge song that even I was aware of it, and I'm a 41-year-old man outside of America. On the other hand, it's not very good and doesn't deserve anywhere near the level of success it has had. If you haven't heard it, you haven't missed much. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I always love people doing the thing wrong on the promotional materials... 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Can we all just pause our bullshit for a minute and acknowledge how ludicrously photogenic my dog is? Like, it's actually unfair. He's in the kind of pictures Kash Patel shouldn't be allowed near. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 21/09/2026I think in these trying times, we should all take a moment to remember the REAL victim of it all, Ed Sheeran. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 21/09/2026My TV is telling me to unpause it if I want to continue watching it. People really are becoming dangerously stupid, huh? 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Diamond Filtrated. Ineptly Writinged. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 06/09/2026Based on this Raygun documentary, it would appear that everyone involved in breakdancing is a fucking dipshit. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 03/09/2026I've started trying to explain to my colleague that you could record video games onto cassette, and everything I say digs the hole deeper and deeper until I age into dust like I drank from the wrong Grail... 110
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 21/08/2026All of my non-spambot followers (hi mom!) will be mildly diverted to learn that I ordered "A Violent Masterpiece." Jordan Harper is the first author I've found for a while - probably since early 2000s Lee Child - where I get excited when there's a new book just because of the author. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 16/08/2026"Good news, we made the cover of Stirring Stories For B- WOAH! What the fuck are you two doing?!" 020
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 16/08/2026I really love Ludlow. I'd like to live there some day. One of many appealing facets of the town is that the market is genuinely full of interesting stuff rather than AI, 3D printed tat. Here are some books I saw at a stall today on a stop-off. 030
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 11/08/2026It's a shame Jane Eyre never got its three implied sequels. I would have liked to read about the adventures of Janes Urth, Wotter, and Fyre. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 08/08/2026My wife wouldn't let me ruin the Beach Boys when I found out Epstein Island was named Little St. James, so I have nowhere else to put this... 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 30/07/2026I'm watching The Devil's Mouth, because I don't value my short, precious time on earth. My friend has a theory about shark movies. We did Jaws. That's it. We're done. That's always going to be the best shark movie. He's not wrong, and this film won't upend the theory, either. 110
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Jared Leto. Jared Kushner. Jared from Subway. I am calling for a ban on Jareds until we can figure out what the hell is going on. 071
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 28/07/2026@vizcomic.bsky.social local Scarecrow Festival creating a solid contender for Up The Arse Corner. 011
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 25/07/2026I spent two hours watching a bad Mark Wahlberg movie. I turn it off to learn that the village fete (which is meant to end at four) is still going and now it's the karaoke section. Someone is doing a version of "Bohemian Like You" that literally startled my dog awake on the "woo" section. 110
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 25/07/2026The local village fete is VERY audible from our flat. With the exact calibre of musicians you're picturing when you hear "amateur ukulele orchestra at a village fete." Send help. 110
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 20/07/2026static.klipy.comTommy WiseauAlt: Tommy Wiseau in The Room going from dramatic bullshit to "oh, hi, Mark!" in milliseconds. 120
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 15/07/2026There's plenty of reasons to hate J.D. Vance, and a minor one is that he called his book Hillbilly Elegy when Redneckquiem was right there... 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 12/07/2026You know how when a beloved public figure dies, there are often huge piles of flowers sent by the public...? 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 06/07/2026It's only fair that Prince Harry can't stay at Buckingham Palace without sufficient notice - they're famously short on rooms and staff... 020
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 05/07/2026We all feared that Trump 2 was going to be worse than Trump 1, but there's no better metric of how much worse it is than the fact that Trump 1 couldn't get a Bruce Springsteen tribute act for a gig, and Trump 2 couldn't retain the surviving member of Milli Vanilli. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 05/07/2026Absolute fucking clown show of a country... 010
Reposted by The Other Luke HainesRob Sheridan @rob-sheridan.com · 30/06/2026The thing about social media age restrictions is that it treats today’s internet as an inevitability we all just have to deal with. The internet (and the WORLD) wasn’t like this until like four dudes were allowed to own & monetize as much tech real estate as they wanted. Fix THAT problem. 4866622032
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 30/06/2026New pitch: Casey Rybeck is a Navy cook whose ship is taken over by terrorists. He decides to fight back, and is immediately killed. Everything else in Steven Segal's career is a hallucination in the mind of a dying idiot who wishes he was a CIA ninja cop, but whose main interest is actually food. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 27/06/2026I honestly read this as "Jake Flight" and thought "That's a stupid name for a character." 000
Reposted by The Other Luke HainesJohn Delmenico @thebigjohnnyd.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Tech CEOs in 2026: ‘We spent billions to hopefully one day have an ai that can make people feel like it’s portraying real emotions for tv, but we need way more money to do it’ Jim Henson in 1955: ‘yeah so I stuck some ping pong balls to a bit of old felt and called it Kermit’ 51444524
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 25/06/2026So, the endless scroll of weird channels dedicated entirely to one show has a Married With Children channel, and that's me for the rest of basically forever. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 24/06/2026[John Cleese voice] "I would like to register a complaint..." 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 18/06/2026People say you never see baby pigeons. I say people don't go to enough weird places. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 17/06/2026The problem is that smart people assume other people are smart, and they're wrong. Meanwhile, half-smart people assume everyone else is stupid, and they're wrong, too. And stupid people mistrust anyone who seems too smart. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk. 001
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 14/06/2026A darkly funny thing I learned today is that the Brucella in cattle causes spontaneous abortion and infertility. It's usually transmitted to humans by drinking unpasteurised milk. So, RFK Jr. is a man concerned about the white birthrate, and also potentially encouraging a plague of infertility. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 13/06/2026Every conversation is too long to have over social media. Including this one. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 12/06/2026"I've been saving up, To finally purchase, The courage to harm those who deserve it..." 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 12/06/2026Okay, of all the hills to die on, this might be mine: Burgers need to be wider and flatter, not taller. I should be able to fit a burger in my mouth, it's the whole point. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 12/06/2026Happy My Birthday to all those who celebrate. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 11/06/2026I probably shouldn't have found this as funny as I did. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 11/06/2026I see the sportsball is happening again... 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 10/06/2026Gay porn idea: A vampire realises there are more nutrients in semen than in blood. Working title: Ejac-ula. (Strong chance someone already did this, but I feel like checking would do some weird stuff to my Google algorithm...) 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 06/06/2026Jesus, Spinal Tap II is a waste of everything, including the numeral for two. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 05/06/2026Anthony Head was in a student film I directed when I was about sixteen. It was fucking awful, but someone had asked him to be in it, so he did it. He didn't need to and I'm sure he didn't get paid. That says a lot about a man. RIP. 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Just ordered a curry to our new place, because we can, now. Probably the blandest Indian food I've ever had. I ordered the "Crocodile Tears", and let that be a lesson. Cool names are a marketing trick. You should order from places where the dishes have names like Flurgh Akabalak with Mooj. 010
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 27/05/2026I'm watching The Long Walk from my reclining sofa, which sort of makes me feel like a dick... 000
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 27/05/2026"Lying naked on the floor" has gone from how Natalie Imbruglia reacted to a breakup to my final, desperate coping strategy in this weather... 100
The Other Luke Haines @lukehaines85.bsky.social · 25/05/2026Sun's out, legs out. Doesn't rhyme, just an accurate description of how I behave in these fucking temperatures. 000