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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈

@lovettejallow.bsky.social
2.1K followers 211 following 639 posts

Published Author || 9x Award Winning Lecturer || Public Speaker || AuDHD || 🇬🇲🇸🇪🇳🇬🇨🇮 || 📧Lovette@Lovettejallow.com

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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Neurodiverse refers to environments that house all types of brains and neurotypes. Neurodivergent is an umbrella for all the below. And people with NPD are more likely victims of abuse than abusers….so survivors.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Pliss people with npd are also neurodivergent and abuse isn’t a criteria. Autistics can have npd too due to trauma and people with npd can also be autistic.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
My new essay is about autistic masking, gaslighting, coercive control and self-trust, including what changes when our questions stop expiring and we let contradictions stay unresolved long enough to examine them. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Masking can teach autistic people to monitor ourselves first: Did I misunderstand? Am I overreacting? Am I being difficult? Gaslighting, coercive control and DARVO benefit from that self-doubt because the original question can disappear while we keep examining ourselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
This morning, over coffee, I realised how much quieter my life has become since I stopped arguing myself out of things I had already noticed. Living more unmasked has meant less forcing contradictions to make sense and less assuming confusion automatically means I misunderstood. #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are not immune to abuse. I keep seeing “too autistic for narcissists” used as reassurance, as though literal thinking, pattern recognition or directness protects us from manipulation. It does not, and the claim can leave survivors blaming themselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
My new essay is about autistic masking, gaslighting, coercive control and self-trust, including what changes when our questions stop expiring and we let contradictions stay unresolved long enough to examine them. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Masking can teach autistic people to monitor ourselves first: Did I misunderstand? Am I overreacting? Am I being difficult? Gaslighting, coercive control and DARVO benefit from that self-doubt because the original question can disappear while we keep examining ourselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
This morning, over coffee, I realised how much quieter my life has become since I stopped arguing myself out of things I had already noticed. Living more unmasked has meant less forcing contradictions to make sense and less assuming confusion automatically means I misunderstood. #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are not immune to abuse. I keep seeing “too autistic for narcissists” used as reassurance, as though literal thinking, pattern recognition or directness protects us from manipulation. It does not, and the claim can leave survivors blaming themselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Why did they tag it as that. There’s nothing adult content about it 😭😭
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
lovettejallow.substack.com/p/autistic-m...
lovettejallow.substack.com
When Autistic Masking Teaches You to Distrust Yourself
on Autistic Masking, Gaslighting and Abuse: Are Autistic People Immune to Narcissists?
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are taught how to mask long before anyone teaches us when masking serves us. My new essay asks what masking can do to self-trust, and why “too autistic for narcissists” leaves survivors carrying another accusation. Read the full essay: linked below #Autism #Neurodivergence
WHEN AUTISTIC
MASKING
TEACHES YOU TO DISTRUST YOURSELF
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I have completely ghosted Bluesky 😭 i keep forgetting to post on here. I shall do better
static.klipy.com
Agnes Asks for a Pinky Promise
ALT: Agnes Asks for a Pinky Promise
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Caroline Keep @ka83k.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Also want to highlight @lovettejallow.bsky.social who is incredible and just a joy to listen to ❤️👏👏👏
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Thank you Caroline! I have been Mia on here but dropping on to say your re appreciated! 🫂🩷
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AnarchyMunroe The Mother Of Jesus @anarchymunroe.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
More of this please!!!!
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
why most people should not use them, and what I built instead. Read the full piece. lovettejallow.substack.com/p/call-out-c...
lovettejallow.substack.com
Call-Out Culture Has a Place, Most People Just Don’t Know Where
The popular take is that call-out culture is toxic. The real problem is that most people confuse performance with strategy, and critique with contribution.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Call-out culture is not inherently toxic. Public shaming is a tool. So is community repair. The problem is most people have no framework for when to use either one, and no plan for what comes after. New essay on why I still believe in call-outs, Cont’ 1/2 ⤵️
Call-Out Culture Has a Place.
Most People Just Don't Know Where.
The popular take is that call-out culture is toxic. The real problem is that most people confuse performance with strategy and critique with contribution.
BY LOVETTE JALLOW
ART BY CHRISTIAN ALLISONWhat Do People Actually
Mean?
"The phrase itself is rarely neutral. It carries a judgement about how people are using critique, who is being centred, and whether the reaction is proportionate to the harm."
When someone says "call-out culture," they are naming several things at once: exhaustion with performance-based politics, the confusion of visibility with power, and how individual punishment has replaced collective accountability, while the system that produced the behaviour stays intact.
@lovettejallow © Lovette Jallow. All rights reserved.
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 18/03/2026
"When someone says you don’t look disabled, they are seeing the output of an enormous amount of effort they had no access to. […] What they are not seeing is the cost of that functioning, or what follows it." By @lovettejallow.bsky.social: lovettejallow.substack.com/p/you-dont-l... #neurodiversity
lovettejallow.substack.com
You Don't Look Disabled Is Not a Compliment
What this phrase reveals about ableism, invisible disability, and why disabled people should not have to perform suffering to be believed
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
If you like my you can me here 👇🏾 at my second home where I produce essays, podcasts, voiceovers and video content too. By all means do become a paid subscriber so I can continue the work and also rest. open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
open.substack.com
You Don't Look Disabled Is Not a Compliment
What this phrase reveals about ableism, invisible disability, and why disabled people should not have to perform suffering to be believed
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
I know that’s right! It’s tiring 🙏🏾❤️
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Full video here - open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Human beings don’t have to unbutton their sounds to prove anything to anyone. Functioning is not evidence against disability. It is often evidence of the effort required to survive environments that were not designed with you in mind. #disability
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
“You don’t look disabled” is one of the most normalized forms of ableism. Here is why it causes harm. Invisible disability is still treated like a credibility problem. It should not be. If your understanding of disability only covers what you can see,that understanding is incomplete. #disability
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Listen am proud of you for doing that! 😂🫶🏾
media.tenor.com
a man in a green sweater is standing in front of a pioneer video player
ALT: a man in a green sweater is standing in front of a pioneer video player
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
I love this! Mine tell me constantly each of my audhd traits exist in another family member. I always sarcastically say ”You telling me everyone has autism and adhd traits but none accept their neurodivergence but me? Odd” gets everyone thinking logically again 😂😂😂
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Thank you for amplifying ❤️🙏🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
I love this! Shows you see your kid and parts of self too. Imagine if we were discovered and understood by the ones we love the most in this way. What a beautiful world that would be. 🙏🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
The market has changed indeed! So glad you advocated for your young ones! 🙏🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Full link: www.youtube.com/watch?v=CI7t...
youtube.com
Why Parents Discover Their Own ADHD and Autism Through Their Child's Diagnosis
YouTube video by Lovette Jallow
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Sounds like an undiagnosed parent mine was similar. 😭🫶🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
New video on why parents discover their own autism/ADHD through their child’s diagnosis. Full video 10 mins → youtu.be/CI7tDuQzF5I?...
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
The child gets diagnosed. The parent goes quiet. Then comes back and says: I think this is me too. This is not coincidence. Autism heritability: 83%. ADHD: 74%. An entire generation went undiagnosed. Their children are now in assessment waiting rooms. #autism 1/3
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
The child gets diagnosed. The parent goes quiet. Then comes back and says: I think this is me too. This is not coincidence. Autism heritability: 83%. ADHD: 74%. An entire generation went undiagnosed. Their children are now in assessment waiting rooms. #autism 1/3
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
I know some people are arriving at 14:00 and some are coming for the last panels and my talk you don’t have to be there at 12 on the dot I would love to see you! 🫶🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
There are panels and talks throughout the day. But I am on the latter end around 17:00 🫶🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
This is for autistic adults seeking community, tired parents, rarely-centered siblings, and supporters who show up IRL. Tickets: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/the-rose-g... #AutismCommunity #Neurodiversity
eventbrite.co.uk
The Rose Garden
The Eden Rose Project Presents: The Rose Garden, an event curated to help SEND families nurture and bloom.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
The day includes: • Industry professionals panel • Parents panel • Siblings panel • Special guests & refreshments • Time to genuinely connect I’ll be in conversation with Eden-Rose on autistic childhood, belonging, loneliness & what consistent support actually looks like.
Pink background with rose image header reading “The Rose Garden 2026.” Text outlines full day event including industry professionals panel on support systems, parents panel on family adaptation, siblings panel on underrepresented perspectives, special guests and refreshments. Venue: The Arding Rooms Private Members Club, Clapham Junction, 12pm-6pm.Split image showing a Black woman with natural hair among roses and a young Black girl in green school uniform smiling. Pink background with text: “London | 7 March 2026. Belonging. Autistic childhood. What support actually looks like. The Rose Garden. Lovette Jallow in conversation with Eden-Rose. 12pm-6pm | Clapham Junction.”Pink background featuring a Black woman with natural hair among red roses. Text describes event on Saturday 7 March 2026 exploring belonging, autistic childhood, loneliness, and practical consistent support. Lists conversation topics including family adaptation, safety for autistic kids, misunderstandings about autistic needs, and personal perspective as autistic adult.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
London: craving offline autism community? I’m the special guest at The Rose Garden 2026 by theedenroseproject a sensory considerate day for autistic adults, parents, siblings, carers, educators & advocates. 📍 Arding Rooms, Clapham Junction 📅 Sat 7 March, 12-6pm Read more 1/3⤵️
Pink and green geometric design with pink roses. Text reads: “The Eden-Rose Project presents The Rose Garden 2026. Panels with industry professionals, siblings panel, parents panel, raffle, special guests, refreshments. Saturday 7th March 2026, The Arding Rooms Private Members Club, Clapham Junction, 12pm-6pm.
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 04/02/2026
"People misread our joy, our discomfort, our boundaries, then demand our children perform 'clear communication' on command." @lovettejallow.bsky.social describes the specific pressures on Black non-speaking autistic children and their families. #autism #BlackAndAutistic #neurodiversity
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Precolonial African communication systems show an ethic of becoming fluent: observation, apprenticeship, proximity, gesture. Speech was one channel, never the gatekeeper of belonging. The modern panic about silence is produced by power/surveillance. Essay on Substack.
open.substack.com
What Precolonial Africa Can Teach Us About Nonspeaking Autism and Belonging
What can precolonial Africa teach us about nonspeaking autism, belonging, and communication beyond speech in Black families and the diaspora? By Lovette Jallow Author lecturer and researcher.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Black nonverbal communication is dense: looks, silence, timing, posture, proximity. Yet institutions that misread Black affect still demand our children be readable on command, then call compliance “support.” Diaspora families get pressured to trade interpretation for training.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
“Will my nonspeaking autistic child ever speak?” is a search-bar question. Under it sit two fears: fear for the child’s future, and fear of how family will interpret the child. Speech becomes proof of “good parenting.” The child becomes a performance. #autism #nonspeaking
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Post 3/3: One of the biggest costs I’ve seen, is missing curiosity. When someone refuses self-examination so your discomfort becomes their problem to manage, and your reality gets reframed until you question what you witnessed. From my essay: open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
open.substack.com
How to Reconnect With an Ex When You've Actually Healed
What happens when you reconnect after healing: anxious-avoidant cycles, secure attachment, and why disabled Black women pay extra. By Lovette Jallow.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
Post 2/3: That pattern doesn’t disappear in adulthood, even after you’ve “done the work”, especially if you’re autistic or ADHD with layered processing. You remember every detail, struggle to name what it meant, doubt if it counts as harm, then feel the truth land days later. #SecureAttachment
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
If calm love feels suspicious, your body is doing exactly what it was trained to do. Many of us learned “connection” through emotional turbulence. The nervous system adapts fast, it starts reading intensity as closeness, chaos as care, and steadiness as the moment before something breaks. Post 1/3:
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Dawn Riley @ichoose2love.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
🗣🗣🗣 By @lovettejallow.bsky.social #audhd #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #adud #wtpeople
Neurodivergent white people: You're positioned as white first, raised in systems embedding racism before neurodivergence even registers.

The work? Unpack that daily. Notice how it shapes how you approach Black + Brown ND folks. Centering your neurodivergence without racial accountability just recreates the same extractive dynamics.

Who's doing this work consistently? And what onTok Lite pattern you've had to unlearn
Lovette JallowWe see it when white people claim 'I'm just autistic' to excuse cruelty, bias, or aggression. The same distancing logic

applies: 'I can't be responsible for this harm because I'm not capable of understanding it the way you do.'

Lovette JallowHome is not a person who
watches us collapse and calls it resilience. Home is someone who sees our regulation as a priority. Who knows that overstimulation, shutdowns, and silence aren't signs of failure-but of presence. That we are still here, even when we retreat. That we are still loving, even when we fall quiet.

Lovette Jallow
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
Why do people make promises they don’t keep, then keep interacting like nothing happened? That silence is the second breach. This essay breaks down dopamine, image, and cost transfer, with autistic and ADHD context. Link: open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
Slide 1 of Lovette Jallow’s carousel with artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Text reads: “Why People Promise and Don’t Deliver. The promise feels good immediately. The follow-through feels boring later.” Explains dopamine-driven generosity, false accountability, and social reputation behaviors.Educational slide by Lovette Jallow with illustration by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Explains how people use promises for reputation management: offering gestures for validation, then disappearing. Highlights dopamine reward, false generosity, and how silence protects social image over accountability.
Blue-and-cream slide by Lovette Jallow with artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Explains how ADHD disrupts follow-through via time blindness and overwhelm but doesn’t excuse silence. Includes repair scripts: “I dropped it. I’m sorry. I can do it by Friday, or we close it.” Teaches that repair is behavior, not personality.Orange-toned artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Lovette Jallow explains that autistic people experience promises as logic structures: “Words become planning. Planning becomes safety.” When promises collapse, the brain recalibrates meaning and safety. Quote: “Broken promises destabilize the logic layer.”
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
Have you ever had someone promise you something, disappear, then return like it was nothing? I wrote about broken promises, silence, and why “good intentions” mean nothing without repair. #Autism #ADHD #accountability. Read here: 👇🏾
open.substack.com
Why People Make Promises They Don't Keep | Lovette Jallow
On broken promises, false generosity, extraction & why continued interaction without repair damages trust. Why ADHD doesn't excuse silence. By Lovette Jallow.
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