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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈

@lovettejallow.bsky.social
2.1K followers 211 following 639 posts

Published Author || 9x Award Winning Lecturer || Public Speaker || AuDHD || 🇬🇲🇸🇪🇳🇬🇨🇮 || 📧Lovette@Lovettejallow.com

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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are not immune to abuse. I keep seeing “too autistic for narcissists” used as reassurance, as though literal thinking, pattern recognition or directness protects us from manipulation. It does not, and the claim can leave survivors blaming themselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are not immune to abuse. I keep seeing “too autistic for narcissists” used as reassurance, as though literal thinking, pattern recognition or directness protects us from manipulation. It does not, and the claim can leave survivors blaming themselves. #Autism #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2026
Autistic people are taught how to mask long before anyone teaches us when masking serves us. My new essay asks what masking can do to self-trust, and why “too autistic for narcissists” leaves survivors carrying another accusation. Read the full essay: linked below #Autism #Neurodivergence
WHEN AUTISTIC
MASKING
TEACHES YOU TO DISTRUST YOURSELF
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I have completely ghosted Bluesky 😭 i keep forgetting to post on here. I shall do better
static.klipy.com
Agnes Asks for a Pinky Promise
ALT: Agnes Asks for a Pinky Promise
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Caroline Keep @ka83k.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Also want to highlight @lovettejallow.bsky.social who is incredible and just a joy to listen to ❤️👏👏👏
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AnarchyMunroe The Mother Of Jesus @anarchymunroe.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
More of this please!!!!
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Call-out culture is not inherently toxic. Public shaming is a tool. So is community repair. The problem is most people have no framework for when to use either one, and no plan for what comes after. New essay on why I still believe in call-outs, Cont’ 1/2 ⤵️
Call-Out Culture Has a Place.
Most People Just Don't Know Where.
The popular take is that call-out culture is toxic. The real problem is that most people confuse performance with strategy and critique with contribution.
BY LOVETTE JALLOW
ART BY CHRISTIAN ALLISONWhat Do People Actually
Mean?
"The phrase itself is rarely neutral. It carries a judgement about how people are using critique, who is being centred, and whether the reaction is proportionate to the harm."
When someone says "call-out culture," they are naming several things at once: exhaustion with performance-based politics, the confusion of visibility with power, and how individual punishment has replaced collective accountability, while the system that produced the behaviour stays intact.
@lovettejallow © Lovette Jallow. All rights reserved.
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 18/03/2026
"When someone says you don’t look disabled, they are seeing the output of an enormous amount of effort they had no access to. […] What they are not seeing is the cost of that functioning, or what follows it." By @lovettejallow.bsky.social: lovettejallow.substack.com/p/you-dont-l... #neurodiversity
lovettejallow.substack.com
You Don't Look Disabled Is Not a Compliment
What this phrase reveals about ableism, invisible disability, and why disabled people should not have to perform suffering to be believed
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
If you like my you can me here 👇🏾 at my second home where I produce essays, podcasts, voiceovers and video content too. By all means do become a paid subscriber so I can continue the work and also rest. open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
open.substack.com
You Don't Look Disabled Is Not a Compliment
What this phrase reveals about ableism, invisible disability, and why disabled people should not have to perform suffering to be believed
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
“You don’t look disabled” is one of the most normalized forms of ableism. Here is why it causes harm. Invisible disability is still treated like a credibility problem. It should not be. If your understanding of disability only covers what you can see,that understanding is incomplete. #disability
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
The child gets diagnosed. The parent goes quiet. Then comes back and says: I think this is me too. This is not coincidence. Autism heritability: 83%. ADHD: 74%. An entire generation went undiagnosed. Their children are now in assessment waiting rooms. #autism 1/3
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
The child gets diagnosed. The parent goes quiet. Then comes back and says: I think this is me too. This is not coincidence. Autism heritability: 83%. ADHD: 74%. An entire generation went undiagnosed. Their children are now in assessment waiting rooms. #autism 1/3
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 14/02/2026
London: craving offline autism community? I’m the special guest at The Rose Garden 2026 by theedenroseproject a sensory considerate day for autistic adults, parents, siblings, carers, educators & advocates. 📍 Arding Rooms, Clapham Junction 📅 Sat 7 March, 12-6pm Read more 1/3⤵️
Pink and green geometric design with pink roses. Text reads: “The Eden-Rose Project presents The Rose Garden 2026. Panels with industry professionals, siblings panel, parents panel, raffle, special guests, refreshments. Saturday 7th March 2026, The Arding Rooms Private Members Club, Clapham Junction, 12pm-6pm.
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 04/02/2026
"People misread our joy, our discomfort, our boundaries, then demand our children perform 'clear communication' on command." @lovettejallow.bsky.social describes the specific pressures on Black non-speaking autistic children and their families. #autism #BlackAndAutistic #neurodiversity
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
“Will my nonspeaking autistic child ever speak?” is a search-bar question. Under it sit two fears: fear for the child’s future, and fear of how family will interpret the child. Speech becomes proof of “good parenting.” The child becomes a performance. #autism #nonspeaking
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 03/02/2026
If calm love feels suspicious, your body is doing exactly what it was trained to do. Many of us learned “connection” through emotional turbulence. The nervous system adapts fast, it starts reading intensity as closeness, chaos as care, and steadiness as the moment before something breaks. Post 1/3:
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Dawn Riley @ichoose2love.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
🗣🗣🗣 By @lovettejallow.bsky.social #audhd #actuallyautistic #neurodivergent #adud #wtpeople
Neurodivergent white people: You're positioned as white first, raised in systems embedding racism before neurodivergence even registers.

The work? Unpack that daily. Notice how it shapes how you approach Black + Brown ND folks. Centering your neurodivergence without racial accountability just recreates the same extractive dynamics.

Who's doing this work consistently? And what onTok Lite pattern you've had to unlearn
Lovette JallowWe see it when white people claim 'I'm just autistic' to excuse cruelty, bias, or aggression. The same distancing logic

applies: 'I can't be responsible for this harm because I'm not capable of understanding it the way you do.'

Lovette JallowHome is not a person who
watches us collapse and calls it resilience. Home is someone who sees our regulation as a priority. Who knows that overstimulation, shutdowns, and silence aren't signs of failure-but of presence. That we are still here, even when we retreat. That we are still loving, even when we fall quiet.

Lovette Jallow
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
Why do people make promises they don’t keep, then keep interacting like nothing happened? That silence is the second breach. This essay breaks down dopamine, image, and cost transfer, with autistic and ADHD context. Link: open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
Slide 1 of Lovette Jallow’s carousel with artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Text reads: “Why People Promise and Don’t Deliver. The promise feels good immediately. The follow-through feels boring later.” Explains dopamine-driven generosity, false accountability, and social reputation behaviors.Educational slide by Lovette Jallow with illustration by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Explains how people use promises for reputation management: offering gestures for validation, then disappearing. Highlights dopamine reward, false generosity, and how silence protects social image over accountability.
Blue-and-cream slide by Lovette Jallow with artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Explains how ADHD disrupts follow-through via time blindness and overwhelm but doesn’t excuse silence. Includes repair scripts: “I dropped it. I’m sorry. I can do it by Friday, or we close it.” Teaches that repair is behavior, not personality.Orange-toned artwork by Alabi Mayowa (@shuta.bug). Lovette Jallow explains that autistic people experience promises as logic structures: “Words become planning. Planning becomes safety.” When promises collapse, the brain recalibrates meaning and safety. Quote: “Broken promises destabilize the logic layer.”
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
Have you ever had someone promise you something, disappear, then return like it was nothing? I wrote about broken promises, silence, and why “good intentions” mean nothing without repair. #Autism #ADHD #accountability. Read here: 👇🏾
open.substack.com
Why People Make Promises They Don't Keep | Lovette Jallow
On broken promises, false generosity, extraction & why continued interaction without repair damages trust. Why ADHD doesn't excuse silence. By Lovette Jallow.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
🚨 ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨 Introducing my next patented design: the Butthole Washer™, engineered for MEN who want to be clean while needing reassurance that cleanliness can still look serious & not make anything gheyy or weird. Yes, it’s black & aggressively industrial. 1/2⤵️
media.tenor.com
a cartoon opossum says " you 're welcome " while giving a peace sign
ALT: a cartoon opossum says " you 're welcome " while giving a peace sign
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/12/2025
🚨 ANNOUNCEMENT 🚨 It has officially been 12 months since I discovered that when men sit on the toilet… their junk just hangs in the bowl. Since that day, I have not known peace. I have lived with questions. I stared into the middle distance. I whispered, “Why would God design it like this?” 1/4⤵️
media.tenor.com
a man in a suit says let me finish the pitch in yellow letters
ALT: a man in a suit says let me finish the pitch in yellow letters
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 20/12/2025
Autistics, gather round. Are we all rehearsing our gift-opening faces, or coordinating plausible excuses for why we suddenly cannot attend? Personally, I am considering faking an eye infection. I will provide written feedback once I am home and have opened the gift in private. #autism 1/2⤵️
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 18/12/2025
"As I once calmly explained to a parent: Your child did not download autism from the cloud." @lovettejallow.bsky.social, on inherited autism and trauma, especially between mothers and daughter: lovettejallow.substack.com/p/autistic-d... #autism #neurodiversity #autistic
lovettejallow.substack.com
Why Autistic Daughters Often Go No-Contact with Their Mothers
Too many autistic daughters are cast as difficult when they were simply trying to survive unsafe mothers. Lovette Jallow explored parentification, survival roles, and the journey toward self-rescue.
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Loukas Christodoulou @loukas.bsky.social · 08/12/2025
🇸🇪🪖 One like = one thing Swedish military professionals (and nerds) love to say.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 09/11/2025
Mental health stigma is not a shield from accountability. Autistic people are tired of being labeled “unwell” for asking for the work we paid for. People prey on autistics and think we will be silent. Documentation is public now. @digitaldavina.bsky.social
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 09/11/2025
Have you ever paid for work, ghosted, & then when you asked for accountability months later, you were told you’re “unwell” for expecting a refund? Many autistic’s know this pattern. Emotional closeness as cover. Mental health weaponised to avoid responsibility. Meet @digitaldavina.bsky.social
open.substack.com
The Freelancer Who Weaponized Neurodivergence to Justify Taking Payment Without Delivering
How Davina Campbell of Digital Davina Designs disclosed mental health struggles to gain trust, then stigmatized mental health to silence accountability.
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Upscale Hood Baby 💅🏽 @batmanzsidejawn.bsky.social · 29/10/2025
I end most of my conversations with people at work this way. *reads article*
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 28/10/2025
Autistic over-explaining isn’t always clarity we mask as conversation. New essay: the neuroscience of trauma loops, loops, workplace strategies, and practical tools to speak less without losing yourself. For anyone who ends every sentence with “you know what I mean?” Here’s what’s happening 👇🏾 1/2
open.substack.com
Why Autistic People Over-Explain: Trauma, Safety, and Breaking the Harm Loop
Autistic over-explaining isn't clarity, it's survival. Learn the neuroscience of trauma loops, workplace strategies, and how to speak less without losing yourself
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♾️Clear Autism♾️ @clearautism.bsky.social · 28/10/2025
"We learn early that “disabled” is a word that shuts doors. Employers avoid it, family members whisper it, clinicians rank it. So we start running from it, mistaking distance for dignity." Excellent from @lovettejallow.bsky.social Someone will always argue, but regardless: autism IS a disability.
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Thinking Person's Guide to Autism @thinkingautism.com · 27/10/2025
"When I began saying 'I’m autistic& disabled' something shifted. I stopped apologizing for my limits& started protecting my capacity. I stopped pretending my energy was endless& started recognizing it as finite, sacred& worth conserving." @lovettejallow.bsky.social: open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
open.substack.com
If You’re Autistic, You Are Disabled
Why denying disability reinforces ableism and costs lives.Autism is disability, not disorder. This essay confronts internalised ableism, explains the social vs medical models, and reclaims disabled id...
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
I’ve expanded and edited my essays on autism and ableism into one full piece, now with audio. If You’re Autistic, You Are Disabled explores internalised ableism, race, and liberation. Join 7,000 readers on Substack, new essays for neurodivergents are coming. open.substack.com/pub/lovettej...
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
Hate to be the bearer of neutral news, but to be diagnosed autistic you have to meet criteria for significant impairments. That means yes, you’re disabled. Your diagnosis already confirmed it. People are crying blood on IG and linkedin because I said it out loud. Masking doesn’t ⤵️
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 06/10/2025
New essay out now: on what happens when unhealed childhood wounds steer adult relationships how trauma, whiteness, and emotional displacement keep people recreating the same unsafe spaces they try to escape. Both written and audio versions available. open.substack.com/pub/lovettej... 1/3 ⤵️
When Childhood
Wounds Drive Adult
Relationships
How unhealed trauma, whiteness, and emotional displacement keep people recreating the same unsafe spaces they claim to escape.
The Lovette Jallow Perspective
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
1/4 Autistics: minding our business Randos: “Hey freak, why are you like this? Let’s rattle off 10,000 fake causes instead of just making life accessible. Cos it couldn’t possibly be my parents doing the horizontal mambo 9 months before I was born no protection…like every other human.” Carry on.
media.tenor.com
two women are sitting next to each other and one is making a surprised face .
ALT: two women are sitting next to each other and one is making a surprised face .
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Maria Celina @mariacelina.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
Please read the article at the end of this thread. It saw parts of me I didn’t know were longing to be acknowledged. #Neurodivergence
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
Every morning I make plans. #Autism rewrites them, #ADHD loses them, and somehow I end up reorganizing the fridge at 3 a.m.
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
1/3 Why do so many parents only realize they’re autistic or ADHD after their child is diagnosed? Because children are not clay to mold. They are mirrors genetic, ancestral, unflinching. #AutismDiagnosis #ADHDParenting #Neurodivergence #AutismAcceptance #IntergenerationalHealing #CureCulture
Why Parents Discover Their Own Autism or ADHD Through Their
Child's Diagnosis
The Lovette Jallow Perspective
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 21/09/2025
Sweden sells itself as an equal welfare state. I call it having a good PR system. Behind the façade, the numbers/testimonies tell a different story. It doesn’t matter if we have a left or right wing government disabled people are ignored by laws & systemically discriminated. Link below 👇🏾 1/2
When Equality Is a Myth Sweden's
Disability Laws Leave Autistic and Disabled People to Collapse
The Lovette Jallow Perspective
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 15/09/2025
1/3 The mask many women have worn for decades rarely survives perimenopause. Brain fog creeps in. Tasks unravel. Emotional regulation slips. Sensory overwhelm spikes. What looked like competence was masking. When hormones shift, the mask breaks. #ADHDWomen #Neurodivergent
Why So Many Neurodivergent Women Discover
ADHD and
Autism During Perimenopause
Perimenopause unmasks ADHD and autism in women, leaving many misdiagnosed and unsupported.
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM"For many neurodivergent women, especially those who have lived decades
undiagnosed,
perimenopause is the moment when the mask starts slipping."
Lovette Jallow
Why So Many Neurodivergent Women Discover
ADHD and Autism During Perimenopause
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 08/09/2025
Small talk isn’t harmless for autistic & ADHD professionals. It’s labor, not glue. In workplaces it allocates access, credit & care while punishing clarity, esp. in Black neurodivergent women. Directness is care. Clarity is ethical. #Autism #ADHD #Neurodivergent #WorkplaceCulture #Inclusion
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Rabia @rahbeeuh.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
When I'm asked, "how are you?" and I reply, "I don't know" I get the oddest looks sometimes or someone who becomes concerned about me. My aide told me that "I don't know" is a valid response. #psAuDHD
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 20/08/2025
When people tell others “just go to therapy,” I laugh. Not because therapy isn’t useful but because no one ever tells you how to find the right therapist. Or what “right” even means for autistics. Do you know how hard it is to find someone culturally competent, #cbt #autism
Why CBT Fails
So Many
Autistic People
What happens when therapy treats your trauma like a math problem, and your brain like a bad equation?
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM
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Robert The Brave 🎸 @robertaudhd.bsky.social · 18/08/2025
#AutisticAndProud 🫶🏻
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/08/2025
I have new posts on IG on “Neurodivergence in African societies” whilst I work out how to share with the diaspora the full research soon. Same name on IG ✨🫶🏾
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/08/2025
I know that’s right! ✨🙏🏾 I am also on IG where I create the visual alt texted slides to go with my essays. Essay 🔗 open.substack.com/pub/lovettej... Instagram: www.instagram.com/lovettejallo...
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Lovette 🏳️‍🌈 @lovettejallow.bsky.social · 17/08/2025
1/3 Small talk is not always harmless. For autistic + ADHD people, it’s a test we never agreed to take. “How are you?” (but don’t want the truth). “Where are you from?” (but won’t take the answer). “What do you do?” (so they can measure your usefulness). #Autism #ADHD
Why Small Talk
Exhausts
Autistic and
ADHD People
Vagueness isn't harmless it's often a tool for control, extraction, and gaslighting towards neurodivergent persons.
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSIACK.COM"For many of us, small talk isn't small-it's a flood of noise, shifting tones, darting eye contact, and unspoken rules to decode in real time. Remember the questions from the start: "How was your weekend?" "Where are you from?''
Lovette Jallow
Why Small Talk Exhausts Autistic and ADHD People
LOVETTEJALLOW.SUBSTACK.COM
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𝒮𝒽𝒶𝓃 𝒮𝒾𝓁 𝓉𝒽𝑒 📚🐉 @beansisfrank.blacksky.app · 14/08/2025
Miss you, Tinu. Powerful essay. #BlackWomen #Neurodiversity
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