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Kate Johnson

@k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social
731 followers 225 following 1.5K posts

Writes books. Loves cats. Talks about both a lot. Represented by Judith Murray at Greene & Heaton

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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
When you’ve left a two inch scratch on your mum’s knee, but you’re so stinking cute she doesn’t really mind.
Tomkin is a black and white cat looking up at the camera with huge eyes like the cat from Shrek. I have one hand chucking him under the chin. Behind his head is my leg, which is very white, and has a large scratch across the knee.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Me: why are people staring at me today? My t-shirt:
A pale pink tshirt with a pale blue neckline. There is a floral design which very slightly obscures the words I’M A RAY OF FUCKING SUNSHINE.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
#strictly Craig just criticised someone’s topline and I was like
Image of Taylor Swift with the line “stop talking dirty to me”
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
BBC should’ve got a few quid for the Doctor Who fund from #BakeOff
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
You know when your brain can’t decide between two words so it tries to say both at the same time? This is why I just referred to something as a “double Nintendo.”
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
What’s the odds on Gwen West dancing to Stacey’s Mom at some point in the next few weeks? Evens? 1/10? #Strictly
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Reposted by Kate Johnson
Nick Harkaway @nickharkaway.com · 19/09/2026
They are built for a mission which is definitionally impossible. You cannot beat the sea. This Earth should be called Ocean and the water is the most powerful thing on it. But these folks volunteer to go out there and fight it anyway because humans should take care of humans.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
So Openreach have put up a notice that they intend to install a new pole outside my house, with a link to object but very little info on what to object to. The What3Words link is the corner of my house/driveway/garden/pavement we literally had resurfaced (at private expense) last month. There’s…
Notice taped to a lamppost that has my location redacted and a QR code to object, and the rest of it is empty filler words. You’re not missing anything.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
If I have to see that “let’s save water!” ad using children to emotionally manipulate me to take shorter showers* in order to save the environment that is being burnt to a fucking crisp by a government wringing its hands over climate change, building data centres, championing AI and doing…
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Alas, I cannot wear this in my village today. Cos it’s too fucking hot and muggy. But as soon as the weather turns less sweaty, Trixie & I will be cycling past all those embarrassingly tatty engurland flags, proudly boasting the RNLI logo.
A blue hoodie spread out on a brown chair. The hoodie has the RNLI log in big red letters. There is also a black rectangular pouch with the RNLI logo on it, which contains a rain poncho.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Don’t want to alarm anyone, but I’ve bought my first Christmas present. It was completely perfect for the recipient, and I knew if I left it and came back later it would’ve either sold out, or I’d completely forget about it (ADHD object permanence FTW).
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
No we fucking don’t
A letter with a massive letterhead for the hard of thinking that says “Essex wants reform” followed by a load of written sewage I will save you from reading.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Picked up ring doughnuts instead of jam ones. This’ll have to do.
A ring doughnut with jam blobbed all over the top of it. Behind it is a jar of strawberry jam (raspberry would’ve been better tbh)
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
Well, after my second assessment, I have a diagnosis. I thought I’d have to wait for the report, but apparently it was so clear she could tell me there and then. It’s… (drumroll, wheel the massive cake in, get the glitter cannon ready)…
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Me: I’ll just cycle home now The weather:
A very wet rain soaked patio
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Reposted by Kate Johnson
Jeevani Charika / Rhoda Baxter @jeevanicharika.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
'Warm, charming, with an utterly adorkable hero – this really was irresistible!' Kate Johnson, author of Hex Appeal Office romance Sea side Melting Mr Grumpy Fish and chips (beware the seagulls) books2read.com/ResistU
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
I’m sorry, but we’re going to need to have a word with the Reaper about which 80-year-olds they’re taking.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Guess who just fixed the garage door that has been broken for decades? One key, one cord, a lot of WD-40 and about ten minutes of work. Am basically super hero now.
static.klipy.com
I Can Fix It! Cute Devon Rex Cat Computer Repair
Alt: I Can Fix It! Cute Devon Rex Cat Computer Repair
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Oh no. Not Dolly.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
OH MY GOD THERE IS WATER COMING OUT OF THE SKY WHAT IS THIS
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Slightly cooler weather is great, but less so when someone* keeps wandering across the control panel , turning on the AC while the window is closed, thereby filling the room with hot air. *Tom. Tom is someone.
Tomkin is a black and white cat sprawled on my lap in one of those poses that makes him look like he’s been assembled wrong.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Call me crazy, but I don’t think Evri tried very hard to deliver my parcel.
Timeline of Evri’s parcel tracking, ending with: 

07:24 - Sat 15 Aug
Your parcel is on its way to you today
Update on your parcel
07:38 - Sat 15 Aug
We're sorry, we were unable to deliver your parcel today. We'll try again on the next working day
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Well this is fucking alarming when you have headphones on
Government alert on my iPhone screen: 

Severe Alert
Issued by the UK Government
now
There is a very high risk of wildfires nationally. Residents, landowners and visitors should not undertake any activity that could start a fire, including disposable barbecues, firepits, garden incinerators or fireworks. Even a small flame can rapidly develop into a major wildfire placing lives, homes, businesses and emergency responders at risk.
Follow official updates and report signs of fire immediately by calling 999. Search gov.uk/alerts for more information.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
At the Minor Injuries unit (my foot is being very tiresome). Cannot stop being fascinated by the other patients who have no visible injury. Imagining all sorts of terribly embarrassing conditions for them.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Wait, I just realised it’s NEW TED LASSO DAY
static.klipy.com
Ted Lasso Roy Kent
Alt: Ted Lasso Roy Kent says well FUCK!
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 29/07/2026
I would like to lodge a formal complaint about the heat.
static.klipy.com
Barbie Doll On Fire
Alt: Barbie Doll On Fire
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
Um, hello?
A fat brown mouse sits on the wooden floor on my living room. It’s in front of a footstool and a curtain, from which it presumably emerged.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Me: I should change the bedlinen Tom: I HELP
Tomkin is black and white cat sitting loaf style on a duvet that is partly buttoned. The duvet is multicolour with red and black and floral designs. Tom is looking very smug.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Train selfie! On the way to see @janjonesauthor.bsky.social and Nikita Kuzman* *might actually only be meeting up with one of them
Me, a white woman with blondish hair in pigtails, sunglasses and a cream and brown spotted dress.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Me: it’s hot and I’m going out this evening, I’ll put on a nice summer dress. It’s pale coloured because of the heat. Tom:
Tomkin is a black and white cat. Mostly black. He is sprawled across my lap as i wear a pale cream dress with brown spots.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Filling out ADHD & ASD assessment forms. It’s taken days cos I’ve kept overthinking it and getting distracted which… I’m sure isn’t an indicator of anything.
static.klipy.com
Overthinking My Overthinking
ALT: Overthinking My Overthinking
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
Emails from HMRC calling me “Dear customer”. Well, I suppose I do give them money, but this implies I have a choice in the matter.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Me: should I wash the cats’ water bowl? Tomkin:
Tomkin is a black and white cat, drinking delicately out of a scummy dish of green-black water in a parched garden. The dish was put there a decade or so ago by my mum, who worried that the birds might be thirsty, and it hasn’t been cleaned since.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Today’s research notes
All caps text that reads DINOSAURS. FLUFFY DINOSAURS Google search that says “what kind of dinosaur could you ride”
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Things you don’t expect Clare Balding to say: “and on Court 3, Flavio Cobolli, we hope he hasn’t either hit or eaten his father…” #wimbledon
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Cries of “oh no, what are you doing??” coming from a) my dad, watching the football and b) me, watching Tom bring in a dead rabbit
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Second day of Wimbledon and already the fans shouting ”let’s go [player] let’s go” are getting right on my tits. It’s not even personalised. Just “insert name here” like a spam email. It’s no “he’s here, he’s there, he’s every fucking where, Roy Kent, Roy Kent!” is it?
static.klipy.com
Roy Kent (Ted Lasso) - Why Won't You Let Me Be Happy?
Alt: Roy Kent (Ted Lasso) - Why Won't You Let Me Be Happy?
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 29/06/2026
Well, turns out my gimpy foot is plantar fasciitis. Quite relieved it’s that and not anything more sinister! Apparently it is caused by my having very tight calves and also hormones, or more to the point a lack of them. Perimenopause: is there nothing it can’t do?
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 12/06/2026
Comfortable there, Tomtom?
Tomkin is a black and white cat lying on his back on a pile of fleecy blankets. He’s curled around to the side with back legs akimbo and front legs waving above his head. He looks very silly and very soft and very cute.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
After a bone dry April and May when I ran out of rainwater and had to give them the condensate from the air conditioner, I put my carnivores outside to enjoy the June rain. By this point I’m getting slightly concerned that even for bog plants, they’re a bit… wet.
A long rectangular plastic box containing four plant pots with smaller plants, and two larger plastic cauldrons filled with larger trumpet pitchers, sitting on a very wet plastic garden table. All the containers are very full of water, completely covering the soil and water logging the plants. Two plastic cauldrons filled with larger trumpet pitchers, sitting on a very wet plastic garden table. The cauldrons are full nearly to the brim with water, covering all the soil. Close up of one of the cauldrons. It’s very full of water, completely covering the soil and water logging the plants. In the middle is a plant pot which usually acts as a water well, but which is fully underwater.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
Train selfie on my way to meet @rflong.bsky.social for lunch & do publishing stuff. It is June in England, so I have sunglasses, cardigan, sun cream, and an umbrella.
Me, a white woman with blonde hair pushed back by sunglasses. I have on a pink dress with a toile de jouy style print featuring naked women, and a necklace depicting a human heart.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 07/06/2026
I had a dream I had some kittens and I kept forgetting the name of one of them, so I called her Sarah Marshall and I am very pleased with my subconscious for this joke.
static.klipy.com
Kristen Bell says 'Noice!' in The Good Place
Alt: Kristen Bell says 'Noice!' in The Good Place (because weirdly she wasn’t in any of the Forgetting Sarah Marshall gifs)
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Reposted by Kate Johnson
Wh*donesque @whedonesque.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Seeing Giles on screen was a source of great comfort for Buffy fans who were going through such painful things in their life. Tony Head was an incredibly talented actor and loved dearly in the fandom and we will miss him so much. Our thoughts are with his family and frends.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 05/06/2026
Noooo! Not Giles! www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Anthony Head: Buffy and Ted Lasso actor dies at 72
The British actor, who also appeared in Merlin and Little Britain, died of complications from pneumonia.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
Got a new phone. In lieu of a new book cover to put on it, I’ve added some stickers, for the month that’s in it.
Back of a pink iPhone 17 with a clear case on it. On the case are three stickers: a small heart-shaped ace flag, a picture of two dinosaurs with the caption ‘allysaurus’, and the words ‘Trans rights are human rights’ in the colors of the Trans flag.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
Well my phone certainly thinks the weather is being more dramatic than it is
Screenshot of my phone lock screen, which is enchanted to show the weather Apple thinks I’m having. This is grey, with rain, and an impressive streak of lightning.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Yup, Ai is the future all right
Screencap of my WhatsApp conversation with the Next.co.uk chatbot about their failure to send me a password reset link. Text as follows: 

Next Customer Service
[Al] If your password reset email has not arrived, please check your Junk or Spam folder to ensure it has not been filtered there.
• If you still cannot find the email, please contact our customer support for further assistance. You can find contact options on our support page.

Me: That's what I'm doing

[Al] Is there anything else we can do to help you with your password reset?

Me: Doesn't look like it does it

[Al] I appreciate how frustrating this must be. If you need any help with resetting your password, please let us know.

Me: I am letting you know

[Al] I'm sorry to hear your password reset email has not arrived. Please check your Junk or Spam folder to ensure it hasn't been filtered there.
• If you still cannot find the email, please contact our advisor for further assistance. You can find contact options on our support page.

Me: You said to contact you, so l am contacting you

[Al] How may I assist you today?


Me: This is me contacting you
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
Me: searches Etsy for jewellery, fabric, Pride wristbands, niche geekery, cute phone cases. Etsy:
Etsy’s search suggestion is “custom ammo case”
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 28/05/2026
Well, I’m afraid I have some bad news for fans of The Promised Queen. Following poor sales the publisher has decided not to take any sequels from me. I’m obviously very disappointed about this, as I’d hoped for better news.
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Kate Johnson @k8johnsonauthor.bsky.social · 27/05/2026
Tomkin has noticed my legs have neither a thick fur coat, as a cat should have, or even the weird human coverings we use instead. Now he is worried I am cold so he has come to warm me up. What a good cat.
Tomkin is a black and white cat. He is sitting on my lap. The photo is taken by me looking down at him, so in the foreground is my dark blue top, covered in cat hair. Behind him you can see my pale white legs stretched out to rest on the table.
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