John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 28/09/2026"My favourite Star Wars animals are called Eopie, and they're in The Phantom Menace. They're basically like dromedaries with their young" "Oh, good old Ma Camel!" "He's not in that one" 010
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 21/09/2026I'm not sure that this is mostly because older people have more common sense, or have a greater agency over where they're located, though. Either way, I think we have to blame the parents. 000
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 14/09/2026Puffer Jackets are incredibly toxic, and only the most skilful Japanese tailors can make them safe to wear. 231
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 29/08/2026I've just seen an advert for "instant overnight oats", and I can't work out if it's time travel or really just muesli. From the price on Ocado, it could be either. 140
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 27/08/2026I feel a bit ripped off. These are just normal colours. Nothing that great about them at all. #LunchPun 260
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 21/08/2026Amazon 2026. I've been a customer since their early years. They've lost it. Twitter, Facebook/Instagram and now Amazon enter their MySpace phase. 020
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 19/08/2026Jah Wobble from today's Guardian. When the Beatles' "She Loves You" came out, he was 5. In 1967, he was 9. Don't journalists do any basic research? 120
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 10/08/2026Calling # a pound sign must post date keyboards. British keyboards conventionally have the £ symbol where US keyboards would have the #. I don't know how far back that goes - typewriters? 120
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 10/08/2026Of course, people from Cornwall insist that the layby has to be on top of the baby. 0102
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 29/07/2026"This packet contains 4-5 servings". Well no it doesn't. It contains 4.5 servings, which is 4 actual "servings". 100
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 08/07/2026"How did you find it?" "We didn't; it knocked on the door and told us about itself." 031
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 09/06/2026I'm so old, I can remember when Mr Sheen was called Sr Estévez. 060
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 09/06/2026It was cheaper to rent than buy a couple of things that wobbled, but didn't fall over, which is how I became the lessor of two Weebles. #LunchPun 0111
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 06/06/2026Words don’t seem to score at times? It’d be helpful to either align close misses or have some indication at the base where the letter will fall. Maybe. 110
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 27/05/2026Everyone - You must add a text description to every image. Real life - Go on then... 010
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 08/05/2026A still from the animal remake of Casablanca. "Kid looking at ewe's ears". 010
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 04/05/2026You're wrong, half the population have learned to look out for people like you. 100
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 02/05/2026It's worth pointing out that most chip shop friers have gas lighters. 030
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 05/03/2026It's because they're thick, isn't it? Surely that's the answer... 000
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 04/03/2026This is on my front page of the BBC news website. The world's gone mad. This just isn't news. Perhaps I am old. 011
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 24/02/2026The marketing people from the Northern Ireland Tourist Board need to get a grip on their quality control 000
John-Paul @jpkeates.com · 17/02/2026A Dairylea triangle - for many years, somewhere lots of cheese disappeared into thin air. #LunchPun 060