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jcb

@joshbelville.com
211 followers 65 following 640 posts

joshbelville.com | Portland, OR. Author, occasional musician, sometimes actor. I play a lot of D&D, too. My first novel, re:human, is OUT NOW! books2read.com/rehuman

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jcb @joshbelville.com · 05/10/2026
@mattielubchansky.com ut oh.
the train trolley problem, but it's the lowly worm from richard scarry's books, and his big apple car has fallen over both sets of tied humans to the train tracks, crushing them all. blood is everywhere. god, sorry, this one is kind of impossible to describe.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 29/09/2026
The new Firefox tabs are very border-radius: 50px;
the firefox tab is very rounded. it looks sort of like a big pill you might swallow.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 23/09/2026
Oh you thought joke ruiners were only on Bluesky, did you?
Some guy on Threads: "While I see what you're getting at - reminder that visually impaired people exist" (Also very ironic that I am posting this as an alt text, for visually impaired people. Take that, stupid Threads guy!)
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/09/2026
Have you checked your name on the Oregon unclaimed property site? There are three John Belville's from Portland on there, one definitely from your old address on Sherman and two seem to be PO boxes or UPS store or something. All seem to be checks. unclaimed.oregon.gov/app/claim-se...
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 06/09/2026
I've been playing a lot of State of Decay 2 lately and I came across a place called Tartan Mart. This CLEARLY is a reference to Plaid Pantry in Portland, right? I know the devs are in Seattle, so it's gotta be.
Screenshot of the aforementioned Tartan Mart.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 28/08/2026
Somebody outside just now laughed very loudly and exactly like Nelson from The Simpsons. I approve.
nelson from the simpsons
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 28/08/2026
"help, i've fallen and i can't get up"
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 28/08/2026
Mitch McConnell at this point:
The mummified remains of Elena de Hoyos. Just look up Carl Tanzler.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 29/07/2026
Whoa! Look at all these books! I'm getting more tomorrow. Giving some to family and friends and the rest are going into Little Libraries around town. (Also the bottom three are proofs, they don't count.) I also just noticed a god-damn typo flipping through the pages, this will NEVER END
A stack of books--specifically, my first novel, re:human, which comes out 9/28/26!
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 06/07/2026
still from the monty python dead parrot sketch.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 23/06/2026
Screenshot of Principal Skinner from The Simpsons S7, E5, "Lisa the Vegetarian." Skinner says: "For privacy's sake, let's call him Donald T. No, that's too obvious. Let's say D. Trump."
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 17/06/2026
Only @techconnectify.bsky.social can get away with a 1hr+ video runtime and a thumbnail that says "It's a motor on a stick."
Screenshot of YouTube thumbnail of a ceiling fan on a table with the aforementioned thumbnail text. The video title is "Ceiling fans: the simple idea we keep forgetting about."
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 15/06/2026
"You found what, officer?"
comedian nate bargatze with his dead, soulless sociopath eyes
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 02/06/2026
You're giving real Marion Ravenwood vibes!
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/05/2026
It's cool as hell that I wrote a book and asked a guy to paint the book cover and then after he did and it turned out great, I asked him to mail it out to me and here it is.
me on the right with my book cover on the left. (the cover is a woman in a sci-fi setting looking out a large window at some ruins among sand in the distance. there is also a spherical robot that is watching her.)
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/05/2026
It's not destroyed! They're just celebrating its 100th birthday. The party was on the bridge!
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/05/2026
The last three pics are for the 1953 Buick convertible. I thought you'd like that one the most.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/05/2026
This post is for my dad @jbelvl.bsky.social: Dad, Portland's Burnside bridge turned 100 this weekend and they closed down the bridge and had a party. They also had a bunch of old cars and I took pictures of them because I thought you'd like to see them. @jackiesue1947.bsky.social
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 29/05/2026
I'm trying out Threads for a bit and thought I'd let everyone here know that they have Reply Guys there too.
A Threads ... thread.

Me: Time travel movies never incorporate the location of the Earth in space. Marty McFly should've driven into a point roughly 117 million miles away from Earth. He should've died out there.

Reply Guy tymo214: Given they don’t explain the actual function of the flux capacitor beyond “it makes time travel possible”, you have no idea if this is true
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 13/04/2026
Hi friends. I wrote a book called re:human and it's coming out this September. This is the cover art. Hand painted by Hudson Lockette. It's about a girl who was created by an AI thousands of years after humanity is eradicated. Good wholesome fun! Anyway I'm gonna try to market the shit out of it.
A young girl stands in front of a large bay window, staring out an endless sea of sand. Along the horizon sits vague ruins of buildings. In front of her is a spherical robot with one robot arm extended.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/02/2026
fantastic redaction job, DOJ
On Fri, Apr 5, 2013 at 6:58 PM, [REDACTED] <jenkalin@gmail.com> wrote:
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/02/2026
eeeeegggghhhhhh
From EFTA00398236:

"Thanks, Lesley!

What's Jeffrey's pleasure these days (hahaha - that I can purchase? Or make?)"
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/02/2026
email from JE to redacted, the body just reads "jerky plese"
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 17/01/2026
cleaning up files on my PC and found this. what a lovely little moment
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 16/01/2026
i told my therapist last night that the shit going down in minneapolis feels like it's happening in a different country, because the US is so huge, and it's true; if LA is lisbon, minneapolis is roughly near krakow, poland.
map of US overlayed on europe. the US is fuckin' huge, bro.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 14/01/2026
i thought they were specially equipped law enforcement vehicles or something. but they're just cars! break the windows! let's get ICE's insurance premiums through the roof
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 14/01/2026
i was looking up jacob tierney on wikipedia and i don't know why but i find it very amusing that at the end of his "personal life" paragraph it just says "tierney is gay" with not one but TWO citations to prove it.
Personal life. Jacob Daniel Tierney was born in Montreal, Quebec, Canada on September 26, 1979 to Terry (née Smiley) and Kevin Tierney.[1][2] Tierney's father was a writer and film producer, best known for co-writing and producing the most popular Canadian film of all time at the domestic box office, Bon Cop, Bad Cop (2006).[1] Tierney is of Irish and Jewish descent[3] and has one younger sister, Brigid, who is an actress.[4] Tierney is gay.[5][6]
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 14/01/2026
update: bruh. this might be the best chili i've made yet. i added diced jalapenos, so it's a lil spicy boy. also included frozen bell peppers and frozen chopped onions and i gotta say, not having to chop those things myself fuckin rules. the hell to fresh produce
a crock pot full a chili
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 09/01/2026
"hey you know how the stupid LIBTARD food pyramid goes from widest at the base to narrowest at the top, like how an actual pyramid words, due to physics? not THIS pyramid! we turned it upside down to be as confusing as possible! and then avocado is in the middle fighting for its fucking life"
the stupid new food pyramid, which is now upside down to own the libs. three corners: top left reads "protein, dairy & healthy fats," top right reads "vegetables & fruits," and bottom reads "whole grains." then there's pictures of food that make up the pyramid. it's bad. i'm sorry if you're confused by this alt text but it sucks, just trust me on this one.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 07/01/2026
like look at this, it's cool as hell. sorry alt-taggers, my description won't do it justice.
cover of the book "red planet" by robert heinlein. red sky, lush green fauna, a tall blue bald alien and two shorter people with pistols on their sides. a yellow-ish castle looking building rises in the background. cool as hell, bro
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 06/01/2026
this is seriously wilding me out. this woman's RELEVANT PROJECT is a book cover that is NOT HERS
exhibit 1: screenshot from upwork.com. a "lorrinda k." has a relevant project up on her proposal, which is a book called "a good book" by jewel e. annexhibit 2: a sample of "a good book" cites the cover design as from "boja99designs," aka username boja from the website 99designs.comexhibit 3: a crop of boja's profile, with a profile pic of a clearly different woman.exhibit 4: a picture of "a good book" cover art, from boja's profile on 99designs.com. I REST MY FUCKING CASE YOUR HONOR
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 01/01/2026
nailed it
my 2026 word was "prosperous"
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 01/01/2026
The New Years Eve tradition continues: frozen pizza, sparkling cider, and video games. Be safe tonight and see you next year!
cooked frozen pizza and martinelli's sparkling pear cider
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/12/2025
FADE IN: 
EXT. CITY - DAY
We see a giant, impressive, gundam-esque mech robot, five stories tall, standing near a cluster of skyscrapers. It looks ready for battle.
The camera zooms into the gundam's eye, closer and closer, eventually passing through it into:
INT. ROBOT HEAD
A man, JACK STRIKER, completely nude except for a headset, is standing splayed out, Vitruvian Man style, his arms tied to ropes hanging from the ceiling. The room is surprisingly empty otherwise.
A motorized fleshlight contraption is sliding slowly, continuously over his erect penis.
JACK
GoonCom, I'm jacked in.
GOONCOM
(offscreen)
Striker, you can't do this alone!
Close up on Jack's face, eyes narrowed, a combination of grit determination and very, very close to orgasming.
JACK
Watch me.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 31/12/2025
Crock pot chili recipe attempt #2 from a recipe online. Now THIS is podracing I mean chili making. Key changes: - tomato sauce instead of stewed tomatoes - cocoa powder - brown sugar - sauteed onions The end result is pretty dang good. Probably could add a little more salt but I ain't gonna.
a dang ol' crock pot full of chili
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 28/12/2025
I'm gonna get hate for this but I do think there are stupid questions.
r/NoStupidQuestions. The title reads "Do bigger butts fart louder?" Several brain cells in my head dissolve into mush.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 18/12/2025
me: well, it took me a while but i finally have my finances in order! i'm feeling great and can't wait to start savi-- *duel of the fates plays*
logo for the steam winter sale, almighty eviscerator of budgets
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 18/12/2025
End result. A chunky beef soup I suppose. It's good though! I accidentally put too much red pepper flakes in it
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 14/12/2025
End result. It's not bad. Especially with sour cream and cheese. Stewed tomatoes is too big of tomato chunks. I keep being bamboozled by canned tomatoes. I thought they'd break up or something. Regardless, I will make a better chili. This is my quest. It is my destiny.
A pot o' chili.
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 13/12/2025
today (after I get back from the gym) I am going to christen my new crockpot by making the chili recipe ("netta's dynamite chili") that is literally printed on one of the box flaps. my guess is that it will be inoffensive. like lowest common denominator chili.
[netti's] dynamite chili

INGREDIENTS

1/2 lb ground beef - 80/20

1 15 ounce can light red kidney beans (lightly rinse to remove some of the starch)

1 15 ounce can dark red kidney beans (lightly rinse to remove some of the starch)

2 14 ounce cans of Italian stewed tomatoes

1 large onion, thinly sliced

2 garlic cloves, finely chopped

1/2 cup yellow pepper, diced

1/2 cup red pepper, diced

2 tablespoon ground chili pepper

1 tablespoon ground cumin

1 tablespoon ground coriander

1 tablespoon dried parsley

1 teaspoon red pepper flakes salt and pepper, to taste 

olive oil

Optional Garnish:

diced scallions, sour cream, shredded cheddar cheese
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/12/2025
Jesus Christ. Burn your copies of Annie Hall, people.
woody allen and steve bannon, who is wearing the same fucking jacket he wears in every single picture. does this guy only have one jacket?
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 12/12/2025
Epstein with Woody Allen, Epstein with Bill Clinton, Epstein with Donald Trump. This guy seems to always show up around sexual predators! Weird!
epstein on a film set with woody allen
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jcb @joshbelville.com · 15/01/2025
If any big grocery stores need a new jingle for one specific item, I got you.
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