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Jon Marthaler

@jonmarthaler.com
4.7K followers 448 following 3.9K posts

Can't shut up about Minnesota sports, but still always Minnesota nice. P.S. I am not a crackpot.

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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 4h
It's international break time, so let's talk soccer cards one more time. Here, a review of what may end up being the only true MLS card release of 2026: www.jonmarthaler.com/cardboard-so...
jonmarthaler.com
Cardboard Soccer, Part 4: New cards, old problems
2026 Topps Chrome MLS is out, with some new features - but some of the same problems that cards everywhere have always had.
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Aaron Gleeman @aarongleeman.bsky.social · 18h
I just unlocked this for anyone with a free AG•com subscription. No cost involved, and it takes about two seconds to sign up and start reading.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 20h
$3 too much imho
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 29/09/2026
I totally missed this yesterday, but Michael Boxall didn't train today for #MNUFC because he got called up for New Zealand, replacing Finn Surman in the All Whites squad. Just a nice short jaunt to Japan for him, no big deal (comparatively)
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 29/09/2026
Cherrion Valerius is shorter than both Maurice Malone and Kelvin Yeboah, or at least no taller. At best that makes him 6’0”. This has been your hard-hitting on-the-ground #MNUFC height report
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 29/09/2026
Doubloons, though I’ll let @slapshoe.bsky.social be the official style guide
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 29/09/2026
I don’t have official measurements or anything, and perhaps it’s just a gait or posture thing, but right now I’m saying that Cherrion Valerius is not 6’3” like a couple of sites said he was. #MNUFC
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 29/09/2026
I think there’s an argument that all of them were the right decisions, even now. This feels like a larger question to me: would a new GM get the resources to even have a chance to be wrong?
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Jeff Rueter @jeffrueter.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Good reflection here on Minnesota United, a team that have lost much of what made them interesting over the last 18 months and are now a stock-and-standard MLS outfit without unique on-field identity. Jon's a must-read for Loons fans, in bleak times and otherwise.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 28/09/2026
#MNUFC may not have been good, like really good, in the past. But the moves they made - and the moves they chose not to make - mean that they're now also no longer good enough.
jonmarthaler.com
Never being wrong is not the same thing as being right
The Loons skid hits five in Seattle, and if there was ever time for an existential crisis, it's now.
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The Loony Bin @loonybinpodcast.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
“126: We Need to Take a Break” is live! We’re joined by @jonmarthaler.com because misery loves company as we discuss the loss in Seattle that runs the losing streak to five. And we preview the Houston home game in two weeks that pits the #MNUFC losing streak against a team that’s never won in MN.
theloonybinpod.com
The Loony Bin Podcast - Dedicated to expanding the fandom of MNUFC one newbie, or loonlet, at a time.
We are a podcast dedicated to expanding Minnesota United fandom one newbie, or Loonlet, at a time. Join us weekly (during the season) as Dan Elias, host (and fully grown Loon),  and Matt Leaf, co-host...
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 28/09/2026
Colin why are you no fun
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Dan WHENESOTA @whenesota.com · 27/09/2026
#OTD in #Minnesota Sports History (1975) The Fighting Saints hold a scrimmage in Mankato with their farm team the Johnstown Jets that turns into a bench clearing brawl and leaves their star player with a broken nose. The game was a fundraiser for youth hockey. #ASlapShotInTime
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
So #MNUFC actually finished with more xG than Seattle last night, according to @futi.live, because - if I am reading this chart correctly - Maurice Malone’s missed chance was the first one in soccer history that was worth more than 1 xG
A chart showing that the Loons xG suddenly jumped from under 1 to more than 2
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
you miss 100% of the times a pass clanks harmlessly off your shin
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
#MNUFC 2026 cover art
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CJ Fogler @cjzero.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
asdfghjklertyuiop
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
A rolling disaster
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
@cjzero.bsky.social when you get a chance you’re not gonna believe this one
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
Maurice Malone with the miss of the century for #MNUFC, my gosh
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
Loons give up three goals for the fifth time in six matches. 20 GA in that span. Just awful
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
Case being made right now for #MNUFC to just permanently switch to a 4-2-4. They’re always a goal behind anyway so might as well just start that way from the beginning
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
But think of all that GAM
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
Everything he said fits with thinking Knowles was an interim, which I promise you he is not. www.mnufc.com/news/minneso...
mnufc.com
Minnesota United FC Promotes Cameron Knowles to Head Coach | Minnesota United FC
Knowles takes up head coaching position, effective immediately
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
I would not have bet on Hassani Dotson being a “don’t celebrate when you score against your former team guy.” And I would have been right because he wasn’t
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 27/09/2026
I fear that it was simply a moment of confusion from Max Bretos
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 26/09/2026
They’re playing “Mr. Brightside” and it feels like it’s time for some defensive subs
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 26/09/2026
Update: game hasn’t started yet but they cut it off at theoretical first pitch, I’m not sure how to feel
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 26/09/2026
Oh I’m sorry I didn’t know the royal family was in town
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 26/09/2026
Testing the pregame $2 beers at Target Field to see if #MNUFC should adopt this idea for the rest of the season
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
Army football remains an aphrodisiac for people who played nine-man or Class A high school football
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
Rizvanovich was in training today - the release says the camp doesn't start until Sunday.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
most common Aussie injuries (source: CIA World Facebook): 1. Jellyfish sting 2. Who let them poisonous spiders in here anyway 3. Sunburn 4. Foster's
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
Friday #MNUFC update: Pereyra's injury, players on international duty, a positive sign for the Loons youth development, another @mnaurorafc.bsky.social pro signing, and some geography homework.
jonmarthaler.com
Free Headers: Seattle trips and other international duty
Minnesota heads to Seattle, sans several players who have instead gone off with their countries.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
#MNUFC fans, want to see the best spreadsheet ever created?
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
It's just crazy enough to work imho
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
if wishing made it so
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
Joaquín Pereyra missed Friday’s training session for #MNUFC. According to head coach Cameron Knowles, he picked up a quad strain in training this week. Cherrion Valerius will travel this weekend, but is not guaranteed to be in the squad.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
I am told Cherrion Valerius will wear jersey 52 for #MNUFC, and presumably will be playing linebacker on defense and right guard on offense.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 25/09/2026
Adding an entry to the Terrible Beat Writer Photography collection to prove that #MNUFC signing Cherrion Valerius is training today
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 24/09/2026
Wes can I have the terrifying cardboard cutout if I promise that I will definitely not, repeat not, put it in people's back seats at the training facility
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 23/09/2026
It is not too much to say that I am on social media basically only for that
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 23/09/2026
in order: Wisconsin law firm Weird shipping conglomerate Controversial German investment bank Anagram generator code is off, someone take a look Physics theorem Pickleball team (with alternate) in Minnesota Chemistry process Short poem Construction material your buddy has a weird attachment to
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Minnesota Aurora FC @mnaurorafc.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
SKYE IS GOING PRO!! Congratulations to Skye Leach on signing her professional contract with Melbourne Victory in Australia! Thank you for everything you brought to Aurora, and we are wishing you the best of luck as you begin this exciting new chapter ✨
Going Pro graphic featuring Minnesota Aurora FC player Skye Leach in her Aurora jersey. Text reads “Going Pro,” “Skye Leach,” and “Officially signed with Melbourne Victory in Australia!”
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 23/09/2026
and practically nothing makes you mad! Calm seas!
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 23/09/2026
Don’t call it a comeback! (Call it my worst pick of all time.)
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 21/09/2026
#MNUFC lost its fourth straight game on Saturday, and boos rang out again at the final whistle. The vibes aren't good, but that doesn't mean we can't think of ways to improve them! No bad ideas!
jonmarthaler.com
13 suggestions, of varying quality, to improve MNUFC's vibes
Everything's going wrong for Minnesota and the transfer window is closed. All that's left is to try to lift everyone's spirits.
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 21/09/2026
I assume you're a subscriber to Stu's newsletter already, but if you aren't, and you don't subscribe to read this, then I genuinely don't know what you are even doing with your life
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 20/09/2026
The Vikings winning twice with Carson Wentz is like entering a tractor with three wheels in an F1 race and winning because all the other teams crashed on the first turn or slid into a wall when it started raining
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Jon Marthaler @jonmarthaler.com · 20/09/2026
Greg Olson with, objectively, the stupidest possible take. "Maybe Kevin O'Connell made a mistake scoring extra points, so that this team that is now in field goal range instead has to score a touchdown" is just the dumbest thing I've ever heard
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