iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 5h

I once dated a supermodel. I said she was about thirty five. #humour #humoursky

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 14h

Mascara. Making your eyelashes look longer for no reason whatsoever. #humour #humoursky

110

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 19h

I think some game apps are actually battle plans by aliens and are using humans to solve their war for them.

150

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

Don't know about you, but I'm going to Wang Chung tonight. Do not disturb.

130

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I'm going to start a social media platform and the only people allowed on it is me.

131

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I wonder if Aiken drum has stopped Aiken yet? I think some Deep Heat ointment would help. #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I managed to swap a root vegetable for some novels. That was a turnip for the books! #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

My wife asked me to run round with the vacuum cleaner, which makes the 400m hurdles a bit of a challenge. #humour #humoursky

030

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

You can't make me type the word "Boondoggle". Go on. I dare you.

110

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

You never see me and Brian May in the same room at the same time, do you... #humour #humoursky

130

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

No one uses the word Zoinks anymore. This has to change people.

0103

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Some people don't like sitting on straw, butt hay.

061

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

My mate's got a kind face. A kind you want to slap. #humour #humoursky

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Do you know what I find is a pain in the bum? Cactus underpants. #humour #humoursky

000

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

I predict that you will read this. Nailed it. #humour #humoursky

150

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

I learn from my mistakes, usually how to make bigger and better ones. #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 22/09/2026

@britishbakeoff.bsky.social Nice to see you put the missing raspberry in, on the intro, but took another one out. Sasssnfrassansassnfrassn.

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

When I read between the lines, I find there's just blank space. #humour #humoursky

131

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

I never jump to conclusions. I always drive. #humour #humoursky

110

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

We have a "Dinner's ready" alarm. Surprisingly, it also acts as a smoke alarm. #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 18/09/2026

I just got a paper cut, so now I'm not allowed as much paper. #humour #humoursky

000

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

If I ever fulfill my dream of colouring in a dwarf, then I'd dye Happy. #humour #humoursky

151

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Llayed a gig recently and swapped into trainers kept for the purpose. Left the shoes at the venue. Got home and realised. Wore the trainers til I had chance to pick shoes up. Had to go to London. Got off train and the sole of one came off. Walked for miles to find first shoe shop. £95 for new ones.

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Available now: Thomas the Tank Engine memorabilia.

A picture of Fat controller grill and oven pads.

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

I still think the best rail replacement service is actual rails. #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 12/09/2026

I went into a church with a sign outside reading "All welcome". The guy said "You can't come in". I said "Your sign says All welcome" He said "Yes, but your name's not 'All'!" #humour #humoursky

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

If you're going to stick it to the man, be sure to source the correct adhesive. #humour #humoursky

020

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

I'm sorry, but how, and I mean this in the strongest possible terms, the actual F*** did Mrs. Browns Boys win an award at the NTA?? JFC. #NTA

341

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

"Hello and welcome to the paranoia help line. There is a big queue and they're ALL BEHIND YOU. RUN!!!" #humour #humoursky

100

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

"One day son, all this will be yours" "What, the whole chocolate bar?" #humour #humoursky

011

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

I've renamed Instagram as Cats.

021

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Poll: Is this poll useless because I'm bored? Reply: 1 if "Yes" 2 if "Affirmative" 3 if "Positively so" 4 if "Absolutely"

000

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

Hold your next picnic within a group of people practicing martial arts to keep wasps and flies away. #humour #humoursky

010

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 05/09/2026

At my local restaurant, I went for the early bird menu and was served worms. #humour #humoursky

030

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

We did the jigsaw...then visited.

141

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I drove through road works today and there were workmen. Not only that, they were WORKING. Has the world gone mad?!? #humour #humoursky

141

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

Vegans practice the ancient martial art of To Fu. #humour #humoursky

131

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I used to be really active and keep fit, but now I put my back out if I blink too hard. #humour #humoursky

241

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

The collective term for a group of murderers is a crow. #humour #humoursky

241

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

I gave my mate laxatives laced with Nitrous Oxide just for sh*ts and giggles! #humour #humoursky

120

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 01/09/2026

Woohoo! My team lost! Wait, that's wrong. Woohoo! The other team won! There. That's better. #humour #humoursky

110

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

Feeling happy today. He quite likes it. #humour #humoursky

130

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 31/08/2026

My local garden center is preparing for its Christmas display. You know what that means? It'll soon be Easter. #humour #humoursky

120

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Might join Twitter again, just for the sheer enjoyment of leaving.

320

JohnnyDcm @johnnydcm.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

Where's Wally, but in the dark.

110