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Jethro Q. Walrustitty

@jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social
52 followers 63 following 126 posts

I know that assholes grow on trees But I'm here to trim the leaves -- Mike Patton

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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 22h
#MAHA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
So the thing about Donald Trump suggesting that the Iranians should "take out" LA and San Diego is that he's a vile, senile, pants-shitting sociopath, rapist, and pedophile who would already be impeached and in jail for his many crimes in any civilized society. #MAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
It's funny how the same crowd that hollers about "protecting women" from trans people playing sports or using the bathroom seemingly has no interest in protecting women from getting gang-raped in a frat house.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Renaming a lake he doesn't own while the economy craters, inflation skyrockets, contaminated food gives people explosive diarrhea, diseases controlled decades ago reemerge and spread, and a war he said would be over in days drags into its 7th month with no end in sight. Yep, sounds about right #MAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
#MAHA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
The Venn diagram of people upset that The Odyssey, a movie based on a work of fiction written 2,800 years in an empire that spanned the Mediterranean, north Africa, and the Near East wasn't full of white actors, and people who think Jesus looked like Kenny Loggins, is a single overlapping circle.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 15/07/2026
Call me crazy, but I kind of feel like the fact that the President of the United States just was forced to pay a $5.6 million settlement to a woman he raped and defamed should maybe be a bigger story.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
So we've reached the "retreat, declare victory and walk away" stage of Donald Trump's war of choice against Iran. He treated this war like all of his business deals. #MAGA
theatlantic.com
Trump Celebrates While America Capitulates
The peace deal with Tehran is an Iranian victory.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
So anyway, we bombed water treatment plants and reservoirs in Iran. On purpose. We're openly committing war crimes. The United States of America is now a terrorist state and a failed nation, and that's exactly how history will remember us. #shitholecountry
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
Strange, isn't it, how the people yelling loudest about "running government like a business" are all following the private equity model: strip the business of assets, load it with debt, then sell it off for profit before its inevitable collapse. #EndStageCapitalism
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
Can we secede from the United States already? This country is collapsing, and it's time for us to get out. Cascadia has more than enough population, money, industry, and natural resources to go it alone, and we'd be far better off without all those useless Red states dragging us down. #cascadia
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
I thought this was an actual New York Times headline when I first read it. You can understand my confusion.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
THIS. Exactly this. I want a real opposition party, and the Democrats as currently constructed sure as shit aren't that.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
So I've been told that today is the National Day of Prayer. It's not really my thing, but this particular prayer really speaks to me, so what the heck. You can probably guess who it's directed at.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Hello sir yes I also agree, the relentless leviathan of End Stage Capitalism remorselessly crushing the working class into a fine paste to increase shareholder value is the natural order of things in this best of all possible worlds and must never be inhibited in any way, god bless america
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
I would've said we're at the "Bread and Circuses" stage of our societal collapse but the Republicans have stolen all the bread #MAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
An interesting feature of American society is how it's being aggressively torn apart and destroyed as its basic functions are sold off to private equity firms whose only concern is creating surplus value for shareholders
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
He saw, finally, why everything in the world seemed to work wrong and the Situation Normal was All Fucked Up. "Hagbard," he said slowly. "I think I get it. Genesis is exactly backwards. Our troubles started from obedience, not disobedience. And humanity is not yet created." -- Robert Anton Wilson
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 25/03/2026
So I hear the Army just raised its enlistment age and there are rumors of a draft if Mango Mussolini decides we need boots on the ground in Iran. And to all the redpilled Gen-Z manosphere denizens who turned the election for Trump because Joe Fucking Rogan told them to, I can only say:
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 16/03/2026
This just in:
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
Oh hey, you guys remember when the US destroyed a school with a missile and killed 175 children and Trump spent days telling everyone that Iran had bombed its *own* school and killed its *own* children? Yeah, that was a fucking lie, just like everything else that comes out of his putrid orange face.
nytimes.com
U.S. at Fault in Strike on School in Iran, Preliminary Inquiry Says
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 10/03/2026
If fervently wishing for Pete Hegseth to be eaten alive from the inside by fire ants that enter his body through the urethra makes me a bad person, well then I guess I'm a bad person ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 09/03/2026
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/03/2026
You have to give Trump some credit. Ever since he launched World War III, hardly anyone is still talking about the fact that he's a 34 time convicted felon and pedophile who destroyed the economy and commands a gestapo goon squad that shoots American citizens in the face. #MissionAccomplished #MAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 24/02/2026
Yeah, it's called a colonoscopy #uranus
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 24/02/2026
I mean, the least he could have done was buy me dinner first. #uranus
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Reposted by Jethro Q. Walrustitty
Middle Age Riot @middleageriot.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
MAGA doesn't care if Donald Trump destroys the economy as long as he destroys the economy while being racist.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 23/02/2026
Wait. So you're saying that DHS and ICE officers are habitually and continually lying through their teeth in the most blatant, self-serving manner possible? Shocked, yes, SHOCKED am I.
theguardian.com
DoJ cases against protesters keep collapsing as officers’ lies are exposed in court
String of embarrassing defeats for prosecutors as experts condemn DoJ effort to cast people as ‘violent perpetrators’
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
I've noticed that the higher the percentage of Happy Horseshit Business-Speak you see in the missives from upper management, the closer they are to instituting mass layoffs. #CorporateAmerica #HangAllTheCEOs
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 12/02/2026
The easiest way to get rich quick is by monetizing the stupidity of MAGAs, so effective immediately I'm launching my career as a Bro Country singer. My new single, "Trucks, Flag, Tractor," wherein I soulfully growl those three words in a fake southern accent, will be out next week. #kidrock #maga
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
MAGAs believe themselves to be the only "real" Americans, and therefore anything they don't understand -- even something as innocuous as a Superbowl halftime show sung in Spanish -- is a direct assault on that belief. MAGAs are the true snowflakes and they always have been.
theguardian.com
Why has Maga lost its mind over Bad Bunny? | Moustafa Bayoumi
It’s not virtue signaling. It’s vitriol signaling about their own perceived persecution
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 10/02/2026
Well shit, no sooner to do I read about the "caffeine helps prevent dementia" study than I stumble across this unrelated study published a couple months ago. Guess what homie's two favorite activities are? Everything's coming up Milhouse!
cyclingweekly.com
Cycling might help prevent the onset of dementia, new study finds
The brains of nearly half a million people were studied by researchers from Huazhong University of Science and Technology in China and the University of Sydney
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 10/02/2026
See, now THIS is the type of uplifting news I needed to hear to perk* up a shitty February Tuesday morning. (empties full coffee pot directly into mouth) *pun intended
cnn.com
Caffeinated coffee and tea could help protect you against dementia. Even a few daily cups | CNN
No, you don’t have to cut out your daily coffee or tea for better cognitive health. It may even help in the long run, new research says.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
Clearly, for the "Don't Tread On Me" people, the operative word is "Me," because that crowd certainly don't have any problem with other people getting trod on.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
James Austin Johnson's weekly Trump impressions on SNL, while spot-on, are getting less and less funny each week, because they don't sound any crazier than the things Trump actually says in real life, every day, on purpose.
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Reposted by Jethro Q. Walrustitty
NY Times Pitchbot @nytpitchbot.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Preventing ICE from murdering civilians could have a chilling effect on future presidents’ ability to terrify the nation with a secret police force.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
So anyway, ICE just murdered another American on camera. Maybe giving a rogue federal agency a $90 billion budget, staffing it with Proud Boys, J6ers, and other assorted domestic terrorists, and turning it loose on the streets with masks and guns wasn't such a hot idea after all #FuckICE #FuckTrump
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
#ArtOfTheDeal #ReleaseTheEpsteinFiles
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 22/01/2026
The United States is the Titanic and we've already hit the iceberg. The captain who steered the ship directly into the iceberg loudly insists it's all "fake news" while he and the first class passengers steal all the lifeboats and lock the doors to the lower decks so the rest of us drown. #MAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
A reporter for Slate with an easily Googled name applied to ICE. She was offered a job despite not sending in the required paperwork, failing her drug test, and not being subjected to a background check. ICE is hiring completely unqualified people and turning them loose with guns and masks. #fuckICE
web.archive.org
You’ve Heard About Who ICE Is Recruiting. The Truth Is Far Worse. I’m the Proof.
What happens when you do minimal screening before hiring agents, arming them, and sending them into the streets? We're all finding out.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Just hand them the 2026 Oscar for Best Picture right now, this competition is already over.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 12/01/2026
Not that any of the bootlicking MAGA cultists will answer any of these questions, but they need to be asked just the same.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 08/01/2026
The past 24 hours have conclusively proven that the "Don't Tread On Me" crowd have zero problem with, and in fact enthusiastically support, everybody else getting stepped on. As if they were ever any doubt about that. #bootlickers #hypocrites #fuckMAGA
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 01/01/2026
2025 sucked, but at least we made it through the year without Earth's atmosphere being fried by a gamma ray burst from WR 104, an unstable supergiant star 8,000 light years away that could go supernova at any time, and whose axis of rotation appears to be pointed directly at us. #silverlinings
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 16/12/2025
#robertantonwilson #georgecarlin
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
Now, I'm not saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers... but I'm not NOT saying we should round up the billionaires and throw them all into woodchippers.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
Look, I realize I'm supposed to be waging the annual War On Christmas right now, but I'm not uttering the objectively pro-terrorist, America-hating phrase "Happy Holidays" to even one single conservative Christian until my check from George Soros arrives in the mail. Homie don't offend for free.
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
Your friendly reminder that there are just 21 non-shopping, grievance-building, aluminum-pole-procuring, feats-of-strength-training days remaining until Festivus. Your fake donation cards to The Human Fund are in the mail. LET'S RUMBLE!!! #festivus #festivusfortherestofus
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
#trump #maga #fucktaster
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Jethro Q. Walrustitty @jethroqwalrustitty.bsky.social · 17/11/2025
If Trump's defenders are frantically parsing the dictionary meaning of "pedophile" as it relates to Epstein, that can only mean two things: 1) Trump's ALL OVER those files 2) It's way, way worse than we suspected #DonaldTrumpIsAPedophile
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