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Jess Whitehead

@jessewhitehead.bsky.social
161 followers 228 following 185 posts

Actor, director, comedian, podcaster, caregiver, bon vivant, raconteur, panhandler. Nonbinary, she/they

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Reposted by Jess Whitehead
🥀Memento Meli🥀 @melibean.bsky.social · 31/08/2026
Burt Gummer would probably be all in on the Trans train. He’d be like “The government doesn’t get to tell me what a woman is” and eat T-Girl ass with a D Eagle on his hip. Then shoot a Graboid before returning to eating ass.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Eyes Wide Shut grossed $55 million domestic against a $65 million budget. The returns were so bad that Kubrick hasn’t been allowed to direct a movie since then.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
Did a centrist tell you that?
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 01/04/2026
It’s not good but it’s at least interesting, something those other Mario movies are not.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 06/03/2026
Today I made a special visit to Charlie Kirk’s grave. I dug up his coffin, jerked off, and came in his mouth. It was awesome and Charlie’s corpse seemed to really like it.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
If I’ve learned anything from a life of crime, it’s that you can enter just about any restricted area as long as you have a clipboard and you act like you’re supposed to be there.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 08/02/2026
A big part of Columbo is that in his investigations, he was always learning about new things like technology or groups. It’s a shame they never did an episode that involved him learning about roleplaying games. I think Columbo would have been delighted to discover Dungeons & Dragons.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 06/02/2026
Every killer on Columbo would have gotten away with it if they’d just learned this simple response: “Gee Lieutenant, I’m not sure how that happened. I guess it’s your job to figure that out.”
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 23/01/2026
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
My little nephew is so cute. He’s been making sounds and words. Now he likes to grab one of his spherical toys and bring it to me saying “baal”. And I tell him, “No, Gaius. Ba’al is a semitic deity. That’s a toy.”
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
Great. Not only is Judy Hopps a cop, she’s also a Zionist. Now I really regret having that sex dream about her.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
“You know how everyone in the room always shouts ‘BA BA BA!’ when Sweet Caroline plays? What if we made a whole movie about that?” -The development process for Song Sung Blue
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 24/12/2025
Fun fact: Even though the song is titled “Fairytale Of New York”, it was actually done in Toronto in order to save money.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 11/12/2025
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 09/11/2025
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
At a passing glance, the Predator: Badlands poster vaguely reminds me of something.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 01/11/2025
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
How are there not 30 different true crime podcasts about the guy who wrote Traxx starring Shadoe Stevens?
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
Love to see Doug Walker catching strays.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 22/10/2025
Based on a conversation I had earlier. I was the one throwing the chair.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 15/10/2025
I think The Black Phone was the best thing you and Derrickson have done yet and I’m hearing people say the sequel is maybe even better. Can’t wait!
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 14/10/2025
It used to be you needed special John Carpenter sunglasses to see that shit on billboards.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
Has Emerald Fennel mentioned how she managed to cast young John Kerry in Withering Heights?
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 13/10/2025
It’s time for America’s new favorite game show: Michael Stuhlbarg or Stephen Root?
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 30/09/2025
Sometimes you accidentally pause the TV on the exact right moment of Leighton Meester’s face.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 15/09/2025
Also, the Kennedy Center is holding a vigil for a literal Nazi. Fuck that.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 15/09/2025
This is the funniest fucking thing ever. The vast majority of people publicly mourning Charlie Kirk do not give a shit about Kirk or his family. They’re just opportunists and grifters jumping at the chance to blame the left for something one of their own actually did.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
It’s really hard to take conservatives getting upset about the death of Charlie Kirk seriously when this is the exact same way they reacted to a regional restaurant chain changing their logo.
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Reposted by Jess Whitehead
Alexorcist II: The Heretic @atomicgiant.bsky.social · 11/09/2025
The only good part of this ludicrous canonization of Charlie Kirk as an MLK of the right is how much Charlie Kirk would have hated the comparison.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 10/09/2025
When you decide to be a willing propagandist for a murderous, genocidal, fascist regime, you have to be prepared to accept that getting shot might end up being the cost of doing business.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 09/09/2025
They should spend the whole publicity tour for this new Downton Abbey movie talking about it how it’s a tribute to Maggie Smith’s memory and legacy. Then people go see the movie and it turns out there’s a shitty looking, very unconvincing CGI Maggie Smith in every scene. That would be hilarious.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
Jacob Tremblay is turning out to be one of those child actors who look very different as they grow older.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 22/08/2025
Glasses are also woke.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 22/08/2025
Today in “There Is Never A Reason To Treat Conservatives With Respect”, MAGA is pretending that a minimalist corporate logo redesign is somehow “woke” and an assault on American values.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 15/08/2025
I know saying this won’t make me any friends here, but I can’t keep this inside any longer. I don’t think Will Smith was a very good Doctor Manhattan.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 13/08/2025
“Please, I need real art. This knockoff shit by The Newsboys and Jars Of Clay is unbearable. I’ll latch on to anything. ANYTHING!”
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 06/08/2025
Turning a murdered child into content by interviewing a basic-ass language model wearing a dead teenager’s face. Absolutely repellent.
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Reposted by Jess Whitehead
Aleksi @alleksi.bsky.social · 31/07/2025
Studio Ghibli's is known for its films 'Princess Mononoke', and 'Princess Mononoke 2', and 'EBOSHI: A Princess Mononoke Story'
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 01/08/2025
Zionists become more sweaty and desperate by the hour.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 31/07/2025
I just got the Vinegar Syndrome 4K release of Dirty Work. I’m watching the painstakingly restored Dirtier Cut and I gotta say, some of these jokes work better when they’re toned down for a PG-13.
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Reposted by Jess Whitehead
emily blight 🐦‍⬛ @threnody.northsky.social · 31/07/2025
the first reason to not entertain compromises on trans people’s right to play sports is that people should be able to participate in society by playing sports. the second reason to not entertain compromises on trans people’s right to play sports is IT IS ALWAYS ABOUT MORE THAN SPORTS.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
Have there been any updates on when we’re getting a second season of Inhumans? We’ve been on tenterhooks waiting to find out more about Black Bolt and Medusa. It’s a shame it’s taking so long, what with Scott Buck being the most in-demand showrunner in television.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 29/07/2025
I fucking hate people like this because this is the kind of post that turns me into a crotchety old person complaining that the youth are too coddled. I DON’T WANT TO BE THAT PERSON AND SHE’S MAKING ME!
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
The best way to win voters to your cause is to berate them and call them stupid.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
Fuck off, you unbelievably racist piece of shit. People like you are what’s dragging down the Democratic party.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
The best way to win voters to your cause is to berate them and call them stupid.
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Reposted by Jess Whitehead
Michael Gormly @michaelgormly.bsky.social · 28/07/2025
E-Girl and Podcaster Boyfriend
WALL-E and EVE
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 23/07/2025
My favorite element of Silver Age comics that James Gunn has managed to capture is “putting Alan Tudyk in everything”.
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Jess Whitehead @jessewhitehead.bsky.social · 23/07/2025
Pretty sure those are the same guy, Wikipedia.
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