Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 19/09/2026There once was a man from Fox News Who mostly subsisted on booze Now we pay out the ass For diesel and gas Cause he fell on his face in Hormuz 021
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 18/09/2026RFK Jr announces plan to criminalize looking both ways before crossing the street in a win for traffic skeptics 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Jesus was a stickler for getting confusing names right. When Judas mispronounced the location for one of their picnics as “Cavalry”, He retorted “It’s Calvary, and I will die on this hill!” 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Thinking of writing a juvenile fiction novel, set at a summer jubilee when the full moon has a little wane, where some hot boys go for a swim and meet the birdman, who sends them on a mystikal quest for a Master P, er key 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 29/08/2026If you’re having sewer clown problems I feel bad for you son I got 99 red balloons but It’s ain’t one 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 21/08/2026They don’t tell you how much of fatherhood is just getting kicked in the nuts a lot 110
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 11/08/2026Not a lot of people know that Dr. Mix-a-Lot wrote treatises on many parts of the body before his seminal work on the butt earned him the knighthood. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 11/08/2026I tried to grease palms down at city hall but they arrested me for spreading crisco on a sago 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 15/07/2026I like how the national anthem allows a little musical performance before a sporting event, but I think it should go the other way, too. Before the symphony starts, we should have someone come in and smack a baseball up to the balcony seats. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 14/07/2026#neworleans you know you want to come out and dance to some ridiculous original New Orleans #Christmasmusic this Friday, it’s a gloriously goofy fun show, come say hi and hohoho! 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 10/07/2026#NOLAsky #NOLATwitter ! Catch some Christmas in July fun with the Hunks of Coal tonight at 30/90, next Friday at NOLA Brewing or 7/24 at Maidstone! Featuring the hit “It’s Always Christmas Time at Snake & Jake’s” open.spotify.com/album/6dzQnj... 100
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 02/07/2026Hot take: the recipient of that letter didn’t give a shit about those icebox plums 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 01/07/2026🎶 And I was born on the bench seat of a Supreme court justice Rolling back the Civil Rights Act Title 1 🎶 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 29/06/2026Each state gets a feature at the Great American State Fair. So far it’s been Wyoming displaying its signature lack of density. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 29/06/2026<Searching BlueSky for mentions of “trombone” to talk about the world’s greatest noisemaker with like minded folks> <99% of them are “sad trombone noise”.> <Sad trombone noise.> 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 27/06/2026Kinda crazy that for most of human history, people didn’t need to worry about holding it 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 26/06/2026Shit is f’d up but at least you can come to New Orleans and go to an X-games themed Christmas-in-July pool party with live music by a band called Space Bidet, another singing original ribald Christmas songs and two other bangin bands 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 25/06/2026Whales are cool and all but if not for them there’s a good chance penguins would have kept getting bigger and bigger and not stopped at the already crazy sized colossal penguin which was about 7 feet tall and built like a tank. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 24/06/2026My daughter carries her device* everywhere around the house, even outside. When I tell her to put it down she just screams and cries. I worry it’s becoming part of her. *half-eaten strawberry 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 23/06/2026(Me clapping my hands together after stuffing all my loose guns into the closet and shoving the door shut as I get ready to host a dinner party with an eclectic mysterious guest list): well that’s another thing on the list I can checkoff! 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 22/06/2026static.klipy.comThe Simpsons: Bart's Trumpet BopALT: The Simpsons: Bart's Trumpet Bop 030
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 22/06/2026Today my daughter playacted putting me down for a nap, patted my head with loving kindness and whispering the soft words “go sleep, go sleep”. She walked away as I closed my eyes, basking in fatherly comfort, and then two seconds later she hit me with a full roundhouse slap in the face 020
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 18/06/2026Me, hitting on sailors in a Nantucket gay bar: “Call me, Ishmael.” 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 14/06/2026I was sad that #NewOrleans disnt get any World Cup matches but then I saw we have the North American International Pokémon Championships here this week, so World Cup would have been a bit too much #nolasky 030
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Mayor Mamdani is a jolly Zohran Bright blue his jacket is, and his boots are orange 110
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Spent yesterday in the studio recording some more absurd new original New Orleans Christmas tunes with the Hunks of Coal open.spotify.com/artist/6MZfb... 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 14/06/2026I’m about to slide into your Dms(us4 guitar solo with some sweet trombone hits) 110
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 09/06/2026This whole scenario of an event at MSG getting ruined by a rich asshole and then miraculously moving to a nearby public park is cool and all, but you gotta admit they kinda ripped off Hacks. #MSG #Hacks 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 03/06/2026Good thing Walter Cronkite found work as a journalist because he was a terrible construction estimator. 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Bro, I’m getting my bone surgeon to add a bird-style keel extension to my sternum so I can increase my pectoral muscle mass beyond mammalian dimensional capacity bro 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 28/05/2026Look, internal combustion is the future. If you don’t rip out all your streetcar tracks and replace them with busses you’ll get left behind. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 21/04/2026🎶 Like a bridge in Bridge Over Troubled Water…. I will not be there 🎶 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 30/03/2026Writing a gritty origin story of Sonny the cereal spokesbird called “One Flew Over the Cocoa Puffs” 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 29/03/2026Writing a play about cartoon spokespersons where the kool-aid man keeps breaking the fourth wall 052
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 27/03/2026I’ve heard way more whining about babies crying on airplanes than I’ve heard actual babies crying, and I have a two year old 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 18/03/2026One Battle After Another was basically just a mashup of The Big Lebowski and Taken 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 11/03/2026Still don’t see why anyone ever wanted a naan fungi-bile token 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 08/03/2026After watching the ski mountaineering event at the Winter Olympics where speed of packing and unpacking skis was critical, I’d love to see a Summer Olympics event where it’s just setting up and taking down a family size camping tent. 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Markwayne Mullin is a clearly a fake name. His real name is Samuellemens Mullin 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 06/03/2026Bro I only drink pure whole milk and I only drink one glass from the gallon and then dump the rest cause you’re not getting muscle build lifting anything less than a gallon out of the fridge bro. 010
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 04/03/2026Feels like I’ve stopped getting invites to the jam session since I got my new keyboard. Probably just a coincidence. 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 01/03/2026Me: Buy this trombone! Customer: I don’t know how it works, and I don’t think I can afford it. Me: Don’t worry, it’s on a sliding scale! 030
Reposted by ElephromboneUncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 28/02/2026His kids disappoint him He's pissed off at life He screams at the news He yells at his wife He once punched a Girl Scout Who looked at him wrong He tripped an old woman For singing a song Just stay out of his way Or risk a black eye He's 827257
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 27/02/2026There’s a thing your body does automatically, all day long, that gives your brain a micro-reset. That’s right, blinking. On my next podcast I’ll explain my method for extending a single blink over the course of multiple hours. It’s called blinkmaxxing, and you won’t believe the refresh it gives you. 0247
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 25/02/2026Is anyone gonna talk about how he admitted they killed civilian fishermen? 000
Elephrombone @jackasspenguin2.bsky.social · 20/02/2026Woke myself up laughing cause I dreamt about a unicorn named Unity Buttfeathers 152
