theonion.com
Man Finally Good Enough At New Hobby To Understand How Bad He Is At It
ST. LOUIS—Voicing frustration as he discussed his lack of even the most rudimentary skills, local man Henry Right told reporters Monday that he had finally gotten good enough at his new hobby to under...
![SCENE: A PASSPORT CONTROL GATE, IN THE SKY, ON A CLOUD. THE PASSPORT CONTROL GATE HAS ‘CORPOREAL REALM’ WRITTEN ON IT.
PASSPORT CONTROL OFFICIAL: Passport please, sir.
OFFICIAL [LOOKING AT PASSPORT]: Ah - the famous Dr Jenner!
EDWARD JENNER, A FLOATING GHOST IN EDWARDIAN GARB: Indeed, haha
OFFICIAL: And what's the purpose of your visit to the corporeal realm, Dr Jenner?
EDWARD JENNER: Haunting.
OFFICIAL: Oh lovely. Anyone nice?
EDWARD JENNER: Just a little tour of some anti-vaxxers.
OFFICIAL: Wonderful. I hear Andrew Wakefield’s bedroom is just •perfect• at this time of year.
EDWARD JENNER: It is! I spent last summer standing by his bed, calling him a c--.
OFFICIAL: Lucky yooou…
OFFICIAL [LOOKING AT DOCUMENTS]: Oh... oh dear...
EDWARD JENNER: Is everything OK?
OFFICIAL: I’m afraid your card says you haven’t had the required stupidity vaccination for your trip.
EDWARD JENNER: Oh dear!
OFFICIAL: It’s fine - we can do it here…
Just read this anti-vax tweet by Jim Carrey
EDWARD JENNER [reading a smartphone]: Egads!
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreibelysv45nptkn3fzrjup3xl5tx5pcmnzvmcbpim72tul5dvyf2w4)
![[Scene is a domestic kitchen. Night time. The room is all blue apart from warm orange-pink light streaming in from a streetlight outside. In the center of the room stands a woman named BRANDI, standing in pyjamas looking contemplative, the light cast dramatically on her face. At the doorway, leaning against the frame, her partner JOEL stands has woken up and found her in the kitchen.]
JOEL:
Honey… what are you doing?
BRANDI:
Can’t sleep
Guess I just like standing in the kitchen at 3am thinking about the supernatural threat we temporarily defeated last year.
While saying that out loud in a manner which sounds casually ironic but is actually just blatant exposition.
JOEL:
Brandi… you're talking strange...
BRANDI:
Dammit Joel.
It’s time you knew.
You're a Netflix character.
[Joel looks shocked]
BRANDI:
Everybody you know has been forced to speak to you in second screen dialogue.
Second screen dialogue helps the people scrolling their phones in front of the TV to follow the -
JOEL:
Stop explaining, Brandi!
[Hands on head, emotional expression, warm pink light cast on his face against the cool blue darkness of the room].
JOEL:
So that's why my entire life has looked so glossy and...
BRANDI:
Yep...
Warm/cool colour graded.
[Cut to a TV show TITLE SCREEN]:
SECOND SCREEN
- A Netflix original -
[Ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiaqlx75zejhvxpgq3f3k6mg2glczck3ooqjrgzzgfsf2xxo6fccwm)
