iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Mostly because of my bpd but also just in general, I don't think it's possible for me to ever have good long lasting relationships and I think I'm just fooling myself

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 19h

anyone else think i should be skinned alive

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 19h

its genuinely sad. but also oh well

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 19h

im not suicidal anymore or at least i try not to be but my knee jerk reaction will always be that ill only be free when im dead and it makes me really sad. i thought that would be over considering how much progress i did in the recent months but maybe thats just how my brain is wired

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 19h

i actually almost threw up and i dont know how to feel about that because i really shouldnt have such a visceral reaction to it. ugh i hate my emotions. im going to just hope that its related to me being unstable today and that ill be normal again soon

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 19h

today has been an emotional rollercoaster and im doing like shit again rn im so nauseous ugh

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

I'm more grateful than I could ever explain. One day I'll repay everything

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

What's the point in loving something so gross

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

I try to understand why would you love a permanently damaged product like me and I just can't understand. My brain is broken, why would you love something like that? It's so stupid how its just going to follow me forever now, even if it's getting lighter. I'm done for. I'm forever destroyed

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

You see me differently now I'm sure. I'm scared. I need to know what you're thinking. Are you really okay?

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

How do people even ask for reassurance I'm only able to dk that when everything is at its worst and I've already exploded

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

I don't want to think about what I've done. Not now, nor ever.

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

I trust you so much but im sl scared I wish I could see inside your brain

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 22h

Ugh i overthink so much, I'm happy he was there to support me and that he didn't react badly but at the same time now that he was that I can't stop thinking about it, I'm scared of what he's thinking now, what he must be thinking about me, I hate that it happened

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

If you are a belonging, then I guess I'm a tool.

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 13/10/2026

Right now, I'm working, I'm living. Sometimes crying, sometimes laughing. I wonder if nothing will remain because I've lived my life desperately.

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

i dont actually want to die but ugh. its a matter of time until everyone realizes im not worth the trouble. why am i putting myself through this again. im so scared

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

i need everyone to look up to me in one way or another or i'll die because i know the real me is so deeply unimpressive

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

can my throat stop acting up i need to vc with the love of my life for 483894 hours

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

i dont wanna delete my emotions as much as i did when i was a teenager but i wish i could erase this absurd fear from me im too scared always. everything is too much sigh

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

The Student council anime brings out some negative emotions in me but I keep them down because it's been so long since they released such an unapologetically perverted and ecchi anime that I kind of have to support it

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

I wanted to love so much that I didn't need a reason to love. I've lived a life so empty that I couldn't even love myself.

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

We slept in vc today and it was so nice, he went back to sleep bc I had slept all afternoon but hearing him when I woke and and briefly talking was really nice. I can't wait for the day we actually wake up together in the same bed. I love him

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

this is why i always must have liveposting threads of everything i watch and play

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

having the time of my life playing ievr at 5 am but i lowkey forgot most of what i played of the main story and its frustrating as hell

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

I, beyond hopeless, won’t be forgiven even for loving something, it seems.

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Whenever and wherever I close my eyes, it keeps coming back to me. But why does it make it only more enchanting. Is this my ‘fear’? Is it wrong to be so attracted to ‘fear’?

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Reposted by ꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱

✦ the boy's savior @goodbyesirius.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

They laughed, cried, held hands on ambiguous boundaries. They couldn't say what they wanted to say, they were both unfair

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Back in highschool I'd skip class whenever I could constantly and now I'm proud to go to school even if I'm sick but like in a twisted way. I guess I'm just addicted to forcing myself to do things now. I should always push myself to my limit. Just funny how things change

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Being sick makes me feel so so lonely

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I'm doing so well hanging on my thread right now I can't ever ever let it snap

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꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ @isoisanemitsu.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

So I'll just assume it's my fault when it's ambiguous because it's easier to manage than constantly getting disappointed

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