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Ian Thomas Malone

@ianthomasmalone.bsky.social
2.4K followers 55 following 296 posts

Transgender Princess, Post-Op Malone, Comedian, Tomatometer Approved Critic, Pod: Estradiol Illusions, Bylines: GQ, Little White Lies. (she/her) Long Beach, CA Rep: Geffen Semach, WCA ITM Diaries Substack: ianthomasmalone.substack.com

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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I wrote about the egregious efforts to silence Macklemore for voicing solidarity with the Palestinian people by the same billionaires who welcome the Nazi-obsessed Kanye West into their stadiums. There is no such thing as not taking a side.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Macklemore Takes on the Billionaires
Republican megadonors love to say there’s nothing more important than free speech, unless you want to say ‘Free Palestine.’
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The Mouthy Renegade Writer @mouthyrenegade.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Ian Thomas Malone is just a treasure. That’s right, Asswipe. Take THAT.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I wrote about the empty legacy that Charlie Kirk left behind. It turns out, no matter how many fireworks his wife sets off, the racist podcaster who made a living yelling at college kids was not the second coming of MLK. Happy Kirkmas everyone!
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Charlie Kirk Left No Legacy
Like the AI song that bears his name, Charlie Kirk’s life was nothing but slop.
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The Mouthy Renegade Writer @mouthyrenegade.bsky.social · 27/08/2026
Oh man, Ian Thomas Malone is spot-on with this one!
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
I wrote about Abdul El-Sayed’s brilliant takedown of Jesse Watters’ anti-trans ragebait, Donald’s efforts to do everything he can to cost the GOP as many Senate seats as possible, and the legacy of Dolly Parton for my newsletter this week. Make sure you check your foreskin before you dive in.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
The Circumcision of Our Discontent
Abdul El-Sayed showed Democrats how to respond to trans hysteria, plus Donald’s YOLO trade war with Canada, and a tribute to Dolly Parton.
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Humor Satire Memes @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
@ianthomasmalone.bsky.social
A post on Threads by ianthomasmalone (@ianthomasmalone). The text reads: "There's no way they remember to charge the new press secretary every night." Below the text is a close-up photograph of woman who looks like doll with long dark hair, a wide smile, and a colorful scarf around her neck standing in front of background banners.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
I wrote about MAGAN, Trump’s sleepy press conference, Chuck Grassley’s eulogy for Beth the Vacuum, the results of last night’s primaries, and Lauren Boebert’s latest scandal in this week’s newsletter. Enjoy!
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Meet MAGAN, The GOP's latest attempt to replace Charlie Kirk
The robot is already malfunctioning, plus Chuck Grassley's eulogy for Beth the Vacuum, and a look at last night's primary results.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
I wrote about Sophie Cunningham, who's trying to parlay her spot on the bench in the WNBA into a future career in professional transphobia.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Sophie Cunningham Proves at Least One Person Looks up to Riley Gaines
How much money is there in professional transphobia? Sophie Cunningham wants to find out.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 13/07/2026
I wrote about the legacy of the pathetic closeted coward known as Lindsey Graham, a man who was never afraid to abandon his friends if it would bring him an inch closer to power. What a sad waste of a life.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Lindsey Graham Was a Pathetic, Closeted Coward
There is nothing decent in lying about his legacy.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
It was real, wasn’t it? Neil Gorsuch and me.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Professor @hcrichardson.bsky.social, please run for Senate. This is a break glass moment.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Marco Rubio serving as both Secretary of State and National Security Advisor doesn’t look that hard when you consider that Iain Stirling narrates the US and UK versions of Love Island at the same time.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
I wrote about the Memorandum of Utter Stupidity and Republicans' twisted view of masculinity for my newsletter this week.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Memorandum of Utter Stupidity
I don't think you can say you won a war if you have to give 300 billion to the other side.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
I wrote about Bari Weiss's magical ability to fall upwards.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
Let's Take a Look at Bari Weiss
What does a career built on cancel culture and hatred for trans people get you? Apparently, a job running CBS News, and possibly CNN.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
I wrote about how a fast-food mascot's power over baseball can show Democrats the path to winning in November. Happy Pride everyone!
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
The Gay Grimace Mets Showed Us All the Power of Pride
If a fast-food mascot can save a baseball team, maybe the Democrats can actually win in Alaska and Iowa.
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Jay Thurber Show 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️ @jaythurber.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Stolen from @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social ... Happy Pride Month Eve
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
Angels third baseman Anthony Rendon was injured in the Garden Grove chemical incident.
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Canadian Hammer 🇨🇦 🔨 @canadianhammer.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
“At least Gina Carano gave Netflix a show by staying in the octagon longer than Erika Kirk grieved for her husband.” 🤣🤣🤣 via @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social
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Jordan Qato @jordanqato.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
From @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social who isn't particularly active on Bluesky yet, unfortunately.
Text copied from image:

aaron.rupar Trump: "He's a famous guy. He's begging me not to release his name. He's a very highly neurotic, very fat -- sort of a fat slob I would call him." 
ianthomasmalone + His name is John Barron.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
The magic ear is ready to grow back again.
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Bethany @ohmyhart.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Happy Transgender Day of Visibility 🩵🩷🤍🩷🩵 @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social is the best, and nosy bigots are the worst.
A post from Ian Thomas Malone is overplayed over a graphic of the trans pride flag. It reads: "A woman in the elevator asked me if I was a "real woman." I told her I was a Kirkland Signature woman. She asked me why I couldn't just be regular gay. I told her they were out of that flavor at the store. She said she'd pray for me. I told her I didn't need God, just a husband with a trust fund."
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 16/03/2026
Two in the strait, one in the Hormuz.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 11/03/2026
I wrote about Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff's inability to understand enriched uranium, alongside Trump's obsession with affordable footwear, buying shoes for all his friends like every normal heterosexual man, plus an update on the Texas Senate race and a farewell to the puppy-killer.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
All the President's Dress Shoes
When Trump isn't busy starting a new war each week, he's buying shoes for all the men in his administration. As Blink-182 once said, surprises let me know he cares.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
Trump bombing Iran is the first time Lindsey Graham ever got a man to play out his fantasies without paying him.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
I really wish Connecticut had the “rip kids out of their parents’ hands and forcibly transition them” policy when I was little.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 25/02/2026
Gold medals in making women cover their drinks.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 06/01/2026
People act like pronouns are confusing but will go out to eat at a place called Ruth’s Chris Steakhouse.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
Congress can’t stop Arby’s from performing gender affirming care.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 10/12/2025
I wish I'd known how easy it was to transition when I was home sick from school. Would have made life much easier!
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 04/12/2025
Pete Hegseth has gone too far.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
I wrote about the Fanta Fuhrer's latest controversy and how his makeup-loving Secretary of WAR (deadname: Defense) forgot that all the bluster performed for Fox News is supposed to be for show. I don't think he can Franklin meme his way out of this one.
substack.com
The Fox News President, Basking in His Incompetence P*rn
You're supposed to tell brainwashed viewers that woke is dead. You're not supposed to actually commit the war crimes.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 02/12/2025
I thought Hegseth was against "the woke rules of engagement." Why isn't this White House prouder of its war crimes?
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Not a good day to be Kim Davis.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
I wrote about the death of Dick Cheney, and the Republicans' miserable performance in last night's election, where they lost (and lost badly).
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
As a Sith Lord Passes, a New Hope Rises
Dick Cheney has died. ITM offers some perspective on Cheney's complicated life, along with some analysis of Republicans' disastrous performance in last night's election.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
I’m old enough to remember when we had a House of Representatives.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 23/10/2025
I wrote about the East Wing's Mar-a-Lago Face makeover, Trump's long history of destroying old buildings, and his latest grift to pillage 230 million dollars from the Justice Department in my newsletter. ianthomasmalone.substack.com/p/the-white-...
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
The White House Gets Hit With Mar-a-Lago Face
Trump destroyed the East Wing to transform The People's House into his beloved safe space.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 14/10/2025
When I was little, magazines that featured an exposed labia on the cover had to be embalmed with shrink-wrap.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 12/10/2025
I can’t wait to tell my grandkids about the Giant Frogs that saved Portland.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 09/10/2025
Stephen Miller wants to invoke the Insurrection Act to stop Elon Musk from dating his wife.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 08/10/2025
I wrote about ICE's toilet problem, the Dem's genius shutdown strategy, Pam Bondi's meltdown, and the sword that Donald desperately wanted to gift to King Charles. Republicans are an absolute mess right now. Sad!
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
No F*cking Way
Republicans hate gender neutral bathrooms. ICE agents with full bladders in Chicago sure could use one right about now.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 07/10/2025
Strange that Republicans are so obsessed with litter boxes, but forgot to bring any for ICE to use in Chicago.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 06/10/2025
Three days ago was my bottom surgery anniversary. Honored to have my Bluesky checkmark anniversary within the same week.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 03/10/2025
Bad Bunny should offer an olive branch to conservatives by performing with a hologram Charlie Kirk at the Super Bowl. I’m sure they’d have a normal reaction to that.
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Maria G. @mgfe70.bsky.social · 30/09/2025
The latest from my favorite trans-sister, @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social : open.substack.com/pub/ianthoma...
open.substack.com
Why is Donald So Upset?
The President could have used his UN Speech to take an authoritarian victory lap. Instead, he whined about an escalator that his own staff broke.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 30/09/2025
Only a Temu version of masculinity, the same kind who builds a makeup studio in his Pentagon office, would summon hundreds of generals to Quantico to try and teach them how to be more alpha.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 28/09/2025
It’s irresponsible of Trump to have Lindsey Halligan prosecute Comey, taking her away from the important work of figuring out who shot J.R.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 27/09/2025
I’m surprised that Lindsey Halligan has time to prosecute James Comey with all the drama going on at Melrose Place.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
If a woman went out in public with her privates dangling out like his labia, she'd be arrested for indecent exposure.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 15/09/2025
I wrote about the mainstream media's sickening efforts to normalize Charlie Kirk on my Substack.
ianthomasmalone.substack.com
The Dangerous Normalization of Charlie Kirk
Be careful mentioning Charlie Kirk's own words. A mob of his supporters might try to destroy you.
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Ian Thomas Malone @ianthomasmalone.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
I heard that the shooter once used public TRANSportation.
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