REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 05/10/2026they tease me and turn a blind eye to how I'm genuinely suffering 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 28/09/2026did I deserve it? am i in actuality a horrible person for waking up twenty minutes later than I usually do? 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 15/09/2026My memory has been particularly crappy and I crave weed nonetheless. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 13/09/2026I dissociated mid killer round and I got beat so hard I felt tears well up in my eyes. why do I have to be sick . 001
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/09/2026but there's no such thing. I'm the only one who can save myself. it is such bullshit. I see other people who have it all and it makes me fucking sick with envy. I'm going to kill myself in your house and possess your body. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I wish they weren't such ignorant assholes. I wish I could actually talk to them without being lectured. god fucking dammit I'm over this and I'm done trying to get any of my emotional needs met from them but I wish someone out there could step in as a parental figure and save me. 110
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I wish god loved me. my second choice has to be being unable to uninternalize the fear of god so I can put my faith in one that does. or just find contentment in the pointlessness of life. I wish it was all pointless and life was just a big sandbox where I make my own meaning. 110
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/09/2026and to think all this could've been avoided if I had more medically aware caregivers. I mourn the person I could've been if I had the support I needed. I can't even do anything about it. not then, obviously, but not now. I just have to continue to rot and hope I'm not beyond repair once I can. 110
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/09/2026I hate this flesh cage. so much. and I hate how its making me care right now. by far the most agonizing facet of this anatomy is the way this thing releases hormones now. it is the most disgusting, repulsive, and unfair fact of my current circumstances. 110
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 01/09/2026almost a week ago now I looked in a mirror and actually somewhat liked how I looked. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 19/08/2026so why am I getting memories of them mocking and degrading me while I'm right in front of them now? when I feel so numb and detached I could genuinely hurt myself. 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 23/07/2026I feel so sick . I was somehow very productive today anyways 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 20/07/2026I used to think I would rather still be apart of all the minorities im in now, because it helped me develop into a better person. straight bs. I'd rather be torn limb from limb than relive all of this. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 14/07/2026hardest part of drawing mequot comforting me is figuring out how to comfort me :/ 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 14/07/2026I grieve the person I could've been if they raised me to question. if they raised me to be proud of who I am. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 09/07/2026wasn't a great high. a bit disappointing. wish it worked more. I really shouldn't have halved the dosage again. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 08/07/2026come 8:07pm tomorrow, I will be 30 days sober. I will also be breaking my month long streak of sobriety five minutes later. what a journey. 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 05/07/2026In my dreamspace, we made eye contact. I left before she could process the face she was looking at. I don't regret it. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/07/2026I'm so stupid and pathetic and why can't it all be over 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 02/07/2026I need comfort. I need to be held. I need to be reassured. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 01/07/2026How do I feel? Hopeless. Voiceless. Degraded. I'm surrounded by those two morons. How is suggesting that if we can't take care of the birds adequately, we should give them to someone who can, COMPARABLE to just killing people who don't have good lives for a variety of reasons. Fucking. Dumbass. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 30/06/2026Everytime I take a sip of Canada dry ginger ale it's like I just shot up heroin for the first time. I go completely limp and start drooling all over myself. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 27/06/2026and on top of it all I feel derealized and disoriented. I'm nauseous. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 27/06/2026I'm worried. I feel sick. Why can't they think of these things. I wish I didn't have 11 fucking birds. 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 19/06/2026I wish he'd give me the most direct verbal affirmation that he validates and affirms me. Fuck. I wish they didn't give me so many mixed signals. No wonder my self esteem is shit. god I hope he isn't shit talking me with her. 000
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 19/06/2026I could spiral and start wondering, "is he really on my side? Is he trying to play both sides for his own gain? what the fuck is his standing here?" but that'll make me want to relapse so. yeah 10 days clean let's keep it that way. I'm just going to trust that he isn't an asshole. 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 19/06/2026"I was just being honest" I'm a man. A real man. You were lying. You fucking bastard. You FUCKING bastard. You petulant, unstable, neanderthal fuck. and you have the fucking audacity to smile like it's funny. Look over to him like he's on your side. I hope he's not shit talking me in private. 100
REFUSAL @i0refuse.bsky.social · 18/06/2026I had such a good time today that while leaving my house to walk bro home I left the door WIDE open. Holy shit. 000
