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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 2h

They can never take away our 2026 AL West title.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 3h

Abreu has really settled down after giving up that crucial 3-run homer. Good for him!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 13h

Maybe if our guys would cheat a little harder, we wouldn’t feel the need to boo their asses.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Are we able to watch the Astros game on TV?

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Eric Schmitt (pointing his finger): YOU WERE IN CHICAGO! AT A BULLS GAME! WITH RICHARD PRYOR! CHECKMATE, DIRTBAG! Amy Klobuchar: Please let the record show that the Senator has confused the Chicago Bulls with the Hackensack Bulls. The witness was at home watching Brewster’s Millions.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

She looks a little like a Pearl. But I can also see Faye and Gwennie. Good luck with the pup!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Our critics might say 81-81 shouldn’t win a division. But the Lord says, “My most beautiful flowers grow in the deepest valleys.” So I guess we got that going for us. I think this might be our year!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Can you give me some more details about this dog?

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

The Houston Astros braintrust is more than one person. This AL West title took a village. It took a whole team of nerds. And we proved it by winning the division.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Little did everyone know, the fight didn’t even finish .500—but the Astros did!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Ouch! Well, at least Dallas’s baseball team finished 80-82, which is good for second best in the AL West.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

If you’re a true Astros fan, you never had a doubt about this season. All of us #RealOnes knew this thing was locked up in April.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Who wants to get drunk at this Arby’s?

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

The White Sox are going to get a fully rested Houston squad. We rested our team (17 different starters, 20 different relievers, 12 center fielders, 5 first basemen, 1 general manager). It’s over for you, pale hose.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Astros got to start nearly 20 different pitchers this year…if they were still in the NL, they probably would have only started 6 different guys (rest Brown once the division was clinched). This is a marathon not a sprint. Astros knew 81 would get the job done, they played 2026 wisely!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Think about this: If the Astros were still in the NL Central, they wouldn’t have been able to play down to the competition. They wouldn’t have been able to rest their starting pitchers or give all these young guys a chance. Astros knew the division sucked, so they took advantage of the situation.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Really pissed off at the Rangers and Mariners for not putting up a fight this year. Hardly thanks you too thanks so much When you win 8 titles in 10 years, folks just roll over for you. Cowards!!!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Astros have been playing down to the competition all year AND IT SHOWS! Now Little League is over and it’s time to rumble with the big boys. No more cupcakes on the schedule!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Everyone in this division sucks… except for the Houston Astros, they all have losing records! Aside from the Astros, this is a really shitty division! #EasiestTitleEver

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Kiss my ass, Dallas! Kiss my ass, Seattle, Kiss my ass, Los Angeles of Anaheim! Kiss my ass, Sacramento, Oakland, and Las Vegas!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Kiss my ass, Dallas! The Astros are champions!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026

Do you want to watch the Astros or nah?

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The Astros are basically the Nelson Mandela of organized sports.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

When I think about the last decade of Astros baseball, it makes me sick at the way we’ve all been treated, how much our team has suffered, how much our fanbase has suffered. Sick to my stomach.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Sure, the Astros haven’t done anything special to win the division, but there isn’t another team in sports that has been through as much as the Houston Astros. It’s about time we had something to be happy about!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

Honestly, the Astros are the only team that truly deserves to win this division.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

This doesn’t excuse what’s happening.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026

The fix is in. The Rangers get the underperforming Mets while the Astros have to go to Seattle and play the surging and finally healthy Mariners. Bullshit schedule.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Hottest selling item on the menu at the Pasadena location

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

Texans suck. Astros suck. Arby’s is pretty good. Rockets suck. Cougars suck.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

I feel like a horse’s ass for thinking the Houston Texans were going to be good this year. A big stupid horse’s ass.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026

I mean this in the nicest and most respectful way possible: Kiss my ass, Houston Texans. You fraud ass, fake ass, head ass team. You guys can move to Nashville, too.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

Isn’t that some shit? Carlos Correa is going to miss the season twice this year. Smh.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Shohei thought he was so smart agreeing to all that deferred money. Get wrecked, bitch! Astros win again!

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

I get your point, but… We’re not currently hiring.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

Kinda supports my “you can’t be a Dodgers fan AND a Christian” stance

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026

This Labor Day, please remember all the hardworking Dodgers fans who work their asses off each day only to have the local team orchestrate under-the-table sweetheart deals that damages their god fearing blue-collar community. May they all see the light, come to Jesus, and become Astros fans.

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

The blood and mud wasn’t awful but it just never felt like us.

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