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Archbishop Deshaies

@houcounterplot.bsky.social
1.3K followers 511 following 2.3K posts

God gives His toughest battles to His strongest warriors. Proud 5x recipient of the Orel Hershiser Award for Online Sportsmanship (2018, 2019, 2021, 2022, 2023)

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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 6h
Maybe if our guys would cheat a little harder, we wouldn’t feel the need to boo their asses.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 22h
Are we able to watch the Astros game on TV?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 23h
Eric Schmitt (pointing his finger): YOU WERE IN CHICAGO! AT A BULLS GAME! WITH RICHARD PRYOR! CHECKMATE, DIRTBAG! Amy Klobuchar: Please let the record show that the Senator has confused the Chicago Bulls with the Hackensack Bulls. The witness was at home watching Brewster’s Millions.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Our critics might say 81-81 shouldn’t win a division. But the Lord says, “My most beautiful flowers grow in the deepest valleys.” So I guess we got that going for us. I think this might be our year!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
The Houston Astros braintrust is more than one person. This AL West title took a village. It took a whole team of nerds. And we proved it by winning the division.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Little did everyone know, the fight didn’t even finish .500—but the Astros did!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Ouch! Well, at least Dallas’s baseball team finished 80-82, which is good for second best in the AL West.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
If you’re a true Astros fan, you never had a doubt about this season. All of us #RealOnes knew this thing was locked up in April.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Who wants to get drunk at this Arby’s?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Houston is a baseball town.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
The White Sox are going to get a fully rested Houston squad. We rested our team (17 different starters, 20 different relievers, 12 center fielders, 5 first basemen, 1 general manager). It’s over for you, pale hose.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Think about this: If the Astros were still in the NL Central, they wouldn’t have been able to play down to the competition. They wouldn’t have been able to rest their starting pitchers or give all these young guys a chance. Astros knew the division sucked, so they took advantage of the situation.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Really pissed off at the Rangers and Mariners for not putting up a fight this year. Hardly thanks you too thanks so much When you win 8 titles in 10 years, folks just roll over for you. Cowards!!!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Astros have been playing down to the competition all year AND IT SHOWS! Now Little League is over and it’s time to rumble with the big boys. No more cupcakes on the schedule!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Everyone in this division sucks… except for the Houston Astros, they all have losing records! Aside from the Astros, this is a really shitty division! #EasiestTitleEver
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Kiss my ass, Dallas! Kiss my ass, Seattle, Kiss my ass, Los Angeles of Anaheim! Kiss my ass, Sacramento, Oakland, and Las Vegas!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Kiss my ass, Dallas! The Astros are champions!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Do you want to watch the Astros or nah?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
The Astros are basically the Nelson Mandela of organized sports.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
When I think about the last decade of Astros baseball, it makes me sick at the way we’ve all been treated, how much our team has suffered, how much our fanbase has suffered. Sick to my stomach.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Sure, the Astros haven’t done anything special to win the division, but there isn’t another team in sports that has been through as much as the Houston Astros. It’s about time we had something to be happy about!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Honestly, the Astros are the only team that truly deserves to win this division.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
We’re back, baby! #Astros
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
This doesn’t excuse what’s happening.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
The fix is in. The Rangers get the underperforming Mets while the Astros have to go to Seattle and play the surging and finally healthy Mariners. Bullshit schedule.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Texans suck. Astros suck. Arby’s is pretty good. Rockets suck. Cougars suck.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I feel like a horse’s ass for thinking the Houston Texans were going to be good this year. A big stupid horse’s ass.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I mean this in the nicest and most respectful way possible: Kiss my ass, Houston Texans. You fraud ass, fake ass, head ass team. You guys can move to Nashville, too.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
#TankForArch
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I’m sick to my stomach.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
I hate that we’re #GoingThroughIt again. #ToughestBattles #DeepestValleys
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
#PrayForOurFanbase #HoustonStrong #NoOneHasItWorse
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Do the Texans suck, too?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Isn’t that some shit? Carlos Correa is going to miss the season twice this year. Smh.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Shohei thought he was so smart agreeing to all that deferred money. Get wrecked, bitch! Astros win again!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I get your point, but… We’re not currently hiring.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
Kinda supports my “you can’t be a Dodgers fan AND a Christian” stance
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
This Labor Day, please remember all the hardworking Dodgers fans who work their asses off each day only to have the local team orchestrate under-the-table sweetheart deals that damages their god fearing blue-collar community. May they all see the light, come to Jesus, and become Astros fans.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Joe Kelly’s ass better be preparing a strongly worded funny face right now.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I know that I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight knowing how the Dodgers cheated all of America. Worst of all, though, they cheated themselves. Smh.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I feel like SMU got the death penalty for much less than what the Dodgers did. #JustSaying
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
I’m glad I’m an only child. I know I be givin’ my mama fits!
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
Honestly, I’m appalled at what the Los Angeles Clippers did. And, quite frankly, when MLB finally gets around to punishing the Dodgers for all the gambling, lying, and general cowardice, there will not be a more shameful and dishonorable city than Los Angeles, California.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Welp.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 29/08/2026
I’m not lazy, but I can see a situation where I might yell “meet me halfway.”
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
This is the worst Astros team in the last 25 years and we still punked the Yankees. I guess some things never change?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I feel like we’re back. Are we back?
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026
I love to see Brent Strom’s healing hands all over Hayden.
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
#BringBackDanaBrown
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Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 26/08/2026
Was Dana Brown’s ass holding us down?
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