Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 6hMaybe if our guys would cheat a little harder, we wouldn’t feel the need to boo their asses. 190
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 23hEric Schmitt (pointing his finger): YOU WERE IN CHICAGO! AT A BULLS GAME! WITH RICHARD PRYOR! CHECKMATE, DIRTBAG! Amy Klobuchar: Please let the record show that the Senator has confused the Chicago Bulls with the Hackensack Bulls. The witness was at home watching Brewster’s Millions. 061
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Our critics might say 81-81 shouldn’t win a division. But the Lord says, “My most beautiful flowers grow in the deepest valleys.” So I guess we got that going for us. I think this might be our year! 2253
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026The Houston Astros braintrust is more than one person. This AL West title took a village. It took a whole team of nerds. And we proved it by winning the division. 1121
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Little did everyone know, the fight didn’t even finish .500—but the Astros did! 070
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Ouch! Well, at least Dallas’s baseball team finished 80-82, which is good for second best in the AL West. 090
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026If you’re a true Astros fan, you never had a doubt about this season. All of us #RealOnes knew this thing was locked up in April. 3272
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Who wants to get drunk at this Arby’s? 1170
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026The White Sox are going to get a fully rested Houston squad. We rested our team (17 different starters, 20 different relievers, 12 center fielders, 5 first basemen, 1 general manager). It’s over for you, pale hose. 4333
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Think about this: If the Astros were still in the NL Central, they wouldn’t have been able to play down to the competition. They wouldn’t have been able to rest their starting pitchers or give all these young guys a chance. Astros knew the division sucked, so they took advantage of the situation. 170
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Really pissed off at the Rangers and Mariners for not putting up a fight this year. Hardly thanks you too thanks so much When you win 8 titles in 10 years, folks just roll over for you. Cowards!!! 0110
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Astros have been playing down to the competition all year AND IT SHOWS! Now Little League is over and it’s time to rumble with the big boys. No more cupcakes on the schedule! 0100
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Everyone in this division sucks… except for the Houston Astros, they all have losing records! Aside from the Astros, this is a really shitty division! #EasiestTitleEver 0211
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Kiss my ass, Dallas! Kiss my ass, Seattle, Kiss my ass, Los Angeles of Anaheim! Kiss my ass, Sacramento, Oakland, and Las Vegas! 0340
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Kiss my ass, Dallas! The Astros are champions! 1270
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Do you want to watch the Astros or nah? 220
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026The Astros are basically the Nelson Mandela of organized sports. 0120
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026When I think about the last decade of Astros baseball, it makes me sick at the way we’ve all been treated, how much our team has suffered, how much our fanbase has suffered. Sick to my stomach. 2130
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Sure, the Astros haven’t done anything special to win the division, but there isn’t another team in sports that has been through as much as the Houston Astros. It’s about time we had something to be happy about! 0180
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Honestly, the Astros are the only team that truly deserves to win this division. 1120
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026This doesn’t excuse what’s happening. 160
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 24/09/2026The fix is in. The Rangers get the underperforming Mets while the Astros have to go to Seattle and play the surging and finally healthy Mariners. Bullshit schedule. 3110
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Texans suck. Astros suck. Arby’s is pretty good. Rockets suck. Cougars suck. 190
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I feel like a horse’s ass for thinking the Houston Texans were going to be good this year. A big stupid horse’s ass. 0121
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I mean this in the nicest and most respectful way possible: Kiss my ass, Houston Texans. You fraud ass, fake ass, head ass team. You guys can move to Nashville, too. 1161
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I hate that we’re #GoingThroughIt again. #ToughestBattles #DeepestValleys 080
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 20/09/2026#PrayForOurFanbase #HoustonStrong #NoOneHasItWorse 1110
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Isn’t that some shit? Carlos Correa is going to miss the season twice this year. Smh. 261
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Shohei thought he was so smart agreeing to all that deferred money. Get wrecked, bitch! Astros win again! 081
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I get your point, but… We’re not currently hiring. 180
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026Kinda supports my “you can’t be a Dodgers fan AND a Christian” stance 2161
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 07/09/2026This Labor Day, please remember all the hardworking Dodgers fans who work their asses off each day only to have the local team orchestrate under-the-table sweetheart deals that damages their god fearing blue-collar community. May they all see the light, come to Jesus, and become Astros fans. 1151
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026Joe Kelly’s ass better be preparing a strongly worded funny face right now. 1130
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I know that I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight knowing how the Dodgers cheated all of America. Worst of all, though, they cheated themselves. Smh. 1231
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 05/09/2026I feel like SMU got the death penalty for much less than what the Dodgers did. #JustSaying 1161
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 03/09/2026I’m glad I’m an only child. I know I be givin’ my mama fits! 120
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 02/09/2026Honestly, I’m appalled at what the Los Angeles Clippers did. And, quite frankly, when MLB finally gets around to punishing the Dodgers for all the gambling, lying, and general cowardice, there will not be a more shameful and dishonorable city than Los Angeles, California. 3222
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 29/08/2026I’m not lazy, but I can see a situation where I might yell “meet me halfway.” 060
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026This is the worst Astros team in the last 25 years and we still punked the Yankees. I guess some things never change? 0475
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I feel like we’re back. Are we back? 3120
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 28/08/2026I love to see Brent Strom’s healing hands all over Hayden. 0110
Archbishop Deshaies @houcounterplot.bsky.social · 26/08/2026Was Dana Brown’s ass holding us down? 010