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Ben

@halfemptiest.bsky.social
156 followers 180 following 231 posts

Getting my social media fix with ~25% less fascism

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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 11h
Man, pick up one staffer who has played ncaa football or 2K. This is what the 12 year lapse of ncaa titles did to our society
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
ITS YOUR FUCKING LEGACY YOU FUCKING TOADSTOOL, YOU FUCKING VOTED THE MEASLES MAN IN. DRACULA IS NOW A TERRIBLE LEGACY ON MY HOUSEHOLD AFTER IINVITED HIM IN AND LET HIM NIBBLE ON MY CHILDREN
washingtonpost.com
Sen. Cassidy says measles surge will be administration’s ‘terrible legacy’
Under questioning by Sen. Bill Cassidy (R-Louisiana), Trump’s surgeon general pick Nicole Saphier called a combined vaccine “our greatest tool for combating measles infections.”
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 20/08/2026
Saluting from the toilet as RFK continues to make us healthier
cbsnews.com
FDA upgrades recall of frozen blueberries sold at Publix to highest health risk level
Recalled frozen blueberries and mixed berries that could be contaminated with E. coli pose the most severe category of health risk, according to the FDA.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Nothing that a few swinging pull-ups and medically unnecessary testosterone can’t fix
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
About damn time. When will these toddlers learn some self dependency? How about you go out and earn your faffle? Also, we speak English in America, not babble
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
Trump trying to a nuke a hurricane was just a preamble to the entire GOP starting a bombing campaign with the Canadian forest
globalnews.ca
‘Sovereignty comes with responsibility:’ U.S. lawmakers to Canada on wildfires - National | Globalnews.ca
As wildfire smoke blankets parts of the country, and spills into the United States, some U.S. lawmakers are calling on Canada to do more.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 16/07/2026
After mandated T testing was insufficient, Hegseth requires units show up 30 minutes early to PT for ‘individual unit roasting’
Getting some red light on the junk
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 12/07/2026
Lindsey wasn’t even important enough for the faux hospital tour, where Ted Cruz swears he spoke to him for 18 minutes about Iran, the loved ones in his life, why he kept seeing John McCain in the corner..etc
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
Celebrating 250 years of America by inhaling all the pollutants we’ve been poisoned with over the last century. Fireworks will be followed by a lead paint taste testing
wapo.st
Fireworks on Mall likely to cause hazardous air pollution, documents show
Internal modeling shows the July 4th fireworks display will cause hazardous pollution around the Mall and “very unhealthy conditions across central D.C.”
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
MLM-ification of the entire economy. Either it all crashes and we suffer a giant recession, or the Nazi-edgelord becomes a lone hegemonic power. A win-win if you will
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 20/06/2026
Need some pocket kraut on the go. What if Cheryl wants to go to an Italian dinner? Severe lack of kraut, peptide-less. I fail to see the issue
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Putting pictures of hardcore pornography on the brim of my hat to ensure everyone knows how much I disagree with ‘kids run the bases day’
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 15/06/2026
I announce the ceasefire of me and this beer right before the DUI checkpoint
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
Whatever guardian, I’m off to make corn flakes for birds to curb this disgusting masturbation habit
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 18/05/2026
President pedophile creating monetary fund to give back to pedophiles. He really looks out for the little guy, you don’t know which Jan 6th guy will turn into the next pageant owner
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Science is only true when it proves what I believe in, like the healing powers of raccoon penis
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 26/04/2026
The dinner is continuing and Trump is coming back? It’s gotta be a false flag. The secret service fired a couple shots in the rafters so Trump could get a change of pants after his diaper failed. Operation pampers
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Moving latrines upriver because drinking contaminated water is what our warrior forefathers did, and they died a warriors death, shitting their brains out
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Sure laugh now, but you’ll see when we discover the only way to prevent Covid is wearing a raccoon penis on your belt like a rabbits foot
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
Pope is weak on crime, too much reconciliation with this guy. Turn the other cheek? Not with our mandatory minimums.
Old man yells at pope
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Marco downing 7 and 7’s like invading Cuba relies on it. Maybe the state of the union Marco is just how he drinks things
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
2 week reprieve on the apocalypse. At least I’ll get to finish my son’s Easter candy
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
God this sucks. “Can anyone save us? I, a US Senator, cannot do anything. The only thing that can save us is the golden hearted troop.” I have and will ignore all the war crimes the noble troop has already committed
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 07/04/2026
Leader of the ‘free world’ threatening genocide of a people. Last 12 hours of civilization everyone!! Woo
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
Ah yes, the same laser that shut down El Paso last month. Let’s deploy that near Reagan, probably be cool, no air traffic there. Plus lasers! PEW PEW
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 31/03/2026
JD Vance, “How I murdered the Pope” on newsstands in two months
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 17/03/2026
Need more centrist matty to show up in my timeline to tell me how I need to vote for a sprinkle of fascism and throw his minority of choice to the dogs so the dems can see a poll jump of +0.6 in white men who drive lifted pickups with a roll coal decal on the back
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
Hegseth furiously refreshing Twitter to see memes about bombmaxxing while he sits in vomit from last nights case of buzzballs
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 28/02/2026
America-The Pillaging and murder must continue, it’s the only thing we export anymore
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 11/02/2026
The dumbest among us harbor the tools to annihilate us all
newrepublic.com
El Paso Airport Closed After Military Shot Down Random Party Balloon
The Pentagon appeared to believe the balloon was a foreign drone.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 25/01/2026
The furious masturbating for justifications the execution just reinforces the notion that we are fucked.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
Democrats in the bully pulpit: (Fake Obama voice) Now hold on. I understand we have a fascist death squad running amok, kidnapping and murdering. But what if we allowed them a do-over. Or a mulligan.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 14/01/2026
UPDATE: Nah. Didn’t happen
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 13/01/2026
Damn, can’t even tax the billionaires a little more to mow down more homeless encampments. I hope he falls ill in a hair gel accident. Like the new stuff make his scalp really itchy, then he flies to turkey for a scalp transplant and gets lost in an alley in Istanbul.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
This is how an administration and its tentacles act when there’s no consequences to their actions. Just rampant pillaging, rape and murder. I await the tepid bipartisan angle from congressional dems
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 07/01/2026
Today I bring in an avowed war criminal to justify our war criminality. Tune in next week, when I perform a 90 minute soliloquy on cancel culture
nytimes.com
Opinion | A Defense of U.S. Intervention in Venezuela
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 05/01/2026
Gotta keep the roadways clear and unobstructed for the fascism. And pub crawls
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
Just pillaging nations without the decency to lie to us anymore. Need some sweet neo-con/lib op-Ed’s to tell us how this is actually good, and won’t cause death and starvation for a nation of people. Greeted as Liberators in a TikTok dance
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 19/12/2025
It’s gonna take decades to claw out from the damage this has done, as they strip funding from our medical societies, cripple research and base guidelines on conspiratorial bullshit.
washingtonpost.com
U.S. plans to stop recommending most childhood vaccines, defer to doctors
The plan, which is not finalized, suggests children get fewer shots and shifts to a model telling parents to consult doctors to make their own vaccine choices.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 18/12/2025
Oh shit this blames me? But I’m great? The consultants agree, I’m great. Great great great.
newrepublic.com
Dem Leaders Decide to Bury Damning Report on Why Trump Won in 2024
The Democratic National Committee has completed its long-awaited analysis on what went wrong in the 2024 campaign. But in a move that will attract intense criticism, it’s keeping the findings secret.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 26/11/2025
Karoline pauses, touches her litany of crucifix necklaces and recalls the parable of Jesus speaking to his disciples “If you have a chance to deport your brother’s baby mama to alleviate custody issues, call the Romans immediately, as my father would frown on child support payments.”
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 22/11/2025
Going off to meet the Zangief Crossfitter in the sky, sailing off like the end of Grease
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 11/11/2025
As a veteran, it’s my day to accost businesses for discounts and if there are none write a scathing google review about how Krispy Kreme hates America
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Ah yes. I voted to close the federal government until we got a pinky promise that the GOP would vote on the ACA, like they have been for the past 15 years trying to repeal it. Good fight sir, you’re more feckless that I thought possible.
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
The Trump plane must be back flying sorties the way the GOP in Virginia is eating shit tonight
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
Rest in piss. Here’s to hoping he’s the first in a rule of 3. Hoping for a final destination situation for a specific Big Mac
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
Real life is now just a rejected Maury plotline. “My husband is an underground nazi” would have at least go all out and and give him a fake hitler stache when he came out to a chorus of boos
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 27/10/2025
The pinnacle of the human brain, measured by the ability to identify common animals. My son has already reached the peak of human thought at the age of 3
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 20/10/2025
Jesus this fucking sucks. I just don’t know where to begin, and we’ll continue to give a shroud to the rightward shift and authoritarian takeover as long as the liberal elites still feel as though they have a seat at the table.
nytimes.com
Opinion | America Still Has a Political Center, and It’s the Key to Winning
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Ben @halfemptiest.bsky.social · 19/10/2025
I’m drafted into President Trump’s diarrhea brigade. It’s grueling work, but the president keeps up our morale by dropping the largest deuce any of us can imagine every morning. We’re also given endless filet-o-fish in honor of dear leader, which helps things move along
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