Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Have it ranked as my new median, lost to argo then beat everything else. 000
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 07/10/2026It's extremely fucking deniable! Look, i just typed in "theonion.com" into my browser, and bam 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Just got texts from a hot sexy lady that i'm prioritizing over these posts, here's the final result 000
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Normal really wants to eat its cake and have it too, but is uninterested in having a story to justify its silly comedic violence, Batman 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026The Guardians movies are fine, I get a little annoyed at how much they know how quirky we are. Not any quirkier than Star Wars, your gun raccoon is no weirder than Han Solo's human dog. Prettier and more exciting than Batman, a perfectly good movie to put on while cleaning. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Everything about Reservoir Dogs would be improved in subsequent Tarantino. Still taking it over Batman, it's more cohesive and tense. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Hmmm. Looper was real disappointing, I was looking forward to it but then it's just predictable with out of nowhere magic powers. I hate a time travel movie telling me "dont think about the rules" fuck off this isn’t austin powers. Wish the app could tie. Heads says batman, tails says looper. Looper 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026I think Hercules is the only 90s/00s disney musical that i couldnt sing you a few lines from if prompted. Like, i know there's one called Zero to Hero? Gospel Truth, right? Couldnt hum em. Batman 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Oh boy. I liked king kong 05 when I saw it when i was thirteen, it was a bunch of effects sequences but like, they're dinosaur effects sequences. Too long, but so is batman 22. Kong 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 25/09/2026"What's a movie less than 60% on rotten tomatoes that you consider to be a perfect movie? like not a bit, genuinely perfect film." Tusk 010
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026It's not going to stop It's not going to stop It's not going to stop Til you wise up 000
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Magnolia is artful where Coyote is clever. Think i'm going magnolia 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026This is tough because Princess Mononoke is perhaps the most aesthetically cool movie of all time, every frame saturated in unbeatable dopeness. Magnolia resonated with me thematically more, though, and I'm letting it win. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026MacGruber is hard to beat, you would be surprised how many situations I find to quote "JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT ME TO FUUUUCK" but uh, yeah, uh Magnolia 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026A surreal meditation on the exploitation of children by parents, or the least surreal movie every made about dreams? Magnolia has a lot going for it but BWAAAAAAAAAAM 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Think a lot of very good movies follow this exact trajectory in my ranking, hit Clayton then lose to Toy Story afterwards. Sorry youre becoming part of a pattern, Magnolia. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026I liked Magnolia a lot but it will probably be the only time in my life i sit down to watch it. I will watch Clayton like five more times before i die probably. Clayton 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Pretty Lady mentioned that Magnolia reminded her of Wes Anderson. I see it, he does do "lots of interconnected stories" movie even if the visual styles of the two Andersons are different. Anyways, going Magnolia here (recency bias) 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Funny that Heretic, by virtue of being a 75th percentile movie, gets reviewed by me so much on here. It's good! But i'm giving magnolia the win. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 22/09/2026A quick, totally vibes-based list. Should Breaking Bad be on there? Probably. Game of Thrones is very much a "the year was 2013: Obama was turning your kids gay and everyone was still in shock over the red wedding" pick. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Weirdly, the action sequences in Dictator kind of reminded me of the Crazy 88 sequence, albeit with more nazis getting their heads bonked with frying pans. I dunno, going Bill based off of cool? 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Has Krasinski directed anything other than these Quiet Place movies? Like, i think it's clear the man has the sauce. QP, lol 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026The ending of Great Dictator will make you feel something, but not nearly as hard as the ending of Coco, the winner here. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I was actually thinking about Naked Gun (2025) while watching Dictator. It really demonstrates how much our goofy slapstick bit technologies have improved over the decades. Naked Gun 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026If Mulholland Drive only had one hot sexy lesbian sex scene it would lose to Great Dictator. Luckily for it, it has two. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Tall Grass is a cool Netflix chiller with some fun timey wimey nonsense. Dictator's highs are certainly higher but if i'm recommending a cool fun movie i'm way more likely to pick Tall Grass. Sorry Charlie 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026RotJ is as old now as GD was when RotJ came out. That doesn't make me feel old because i'm younger than both of em. I'm going Dictator, but they both feel like two movies stuffed together in seperate ways. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Did you know that wikipedia redirects the director of Tag to the Tag page? It's a shame cuz its direction and action is its major highlight. Anyways, two good movies that suffer from wanting to eat cake and have it too, Dictator. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026I know it's not fair to compare a timeless antifascist classic with a B-movie where Scary Hugh Grant rants reddit atheism at mormon girls, but damn does Hugh Grant nail ranting at mormon girls scarily. Heretic. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Because i am an Old Movie Hater I came is with lower expectations for Great Dictator and was pleasantly surprised, while I was a lil disappointed with OYDB. Dictator. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Like I said, it's a good rollercoaster. 000
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Mustve been a good day for F/O when I ranked it. It's a fun movie but only because it is insane, and stupid. Every performance is at an 11 and Woo only knows how to swerve into the most baffling story decisions possible. RE 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Cool. Okay, we're going O11. It's the platonic form of a heist film. RE is a lot of fun but no way it becomes what people think of when they think of a zombie movie. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Knowing that A History of Violence is the last film to ever get a wide VHS release won me a round of Jackbox trivia once. Haven't seen that poster before, that is not a mid-00s design at all. Anyways, pretty easy RE win here. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Zombie fight! Train to Busan is a pretty standard zombie flick elevated by strong performances, good effects, and ana appropriately large scale. Resident Evil feels quite a bit more inventive in writing and tone. RE 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Never know what to do with GBH. There’s a lot to like, particularly in Fiennes' performance, but I also find it to be some of Anderson's least energetic work. Goin with RE here, I think 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I have Man of Steel this high? The fact that I'm this surprised about that means RE gets the win, lol 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Two movies that live or die on their setpieces. Nothing in Resident Evil matches the Burj Khalifa stuff in Ghost Protocol but Resident Evil coheres better and takes the win. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Good matchup, good matchup. Heretic will take it. It has themes and shit, Resident Evil does a nice job endearing us to its Some Guy protagonist but i was even more impressed with the Heretic's lead actresses. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Resident Evil takes this one, it's a lean mean scarin machine not bogged down by any particular flaws. 100
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Damn thought it would be like a 27th percentile movie when i left the theater, but movies are good and thems the breaks. 000
Gabriel R Johnson, novelist @grjohnson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Half considering giving it to north by northwest on the quality of its closing dick joke, it's maybe the greatest dick joke ever, but it’s attached to a boring-ass nothing who-cares flatly staged thriller. Uprising 100