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That's the goal. Upgrading from a sword +1 to a sword +2 involves no creative thought. Deciding which goofy magic items to bring is more interesting.

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Lol everyone just clips through the floor

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Other similar items: A "closed" sign that locks the door it is affixed to. A "danger" sign that makes any object or location trapped. A "construction site" that (painfully) creates construction workers from the environment, who then complete any unfinished construction work nearby.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

MAGIC ITEM: "Out of Order" sign. Anything that this object is affixed to will break. This effect typically ends when the sign is removed. If you affix it to a bridge, the bridge won't instantly collapse, but the next wagon that goes over it will probably fall through it.

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Definitely another reason to add to the list.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

ROOM: The Coward's Door When approached, this door runs away, sliding away on the wall like a paper across a desk, bricks clattering. It zooms down hallways, hides behind tapestries, and will find a loop in the dungeon so it can't be cornered. Only when the doorknob is grasped does it halt.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 09/02/2026

Gender Among the Elves. Built from two starting premises. 1. Elves can change their gender easily. 2. Elven society is still pretty patriarchal. goblinpunch.blogspot.com/2026/02/gend...

goblinpunch.blogspot.com

Gender Among the Elves

There are only two genders: male and female. Men are strong, stoic, brave. They protect the weak and build great things. Women are sensitiv...

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I guess this isn't technically a magic item, it's a non-magical object that behaves like magic because the nature of our souls requires it to be. Ancient people didn't draw a line between magic and non-magic anyway. Tides, eclipses, prophecies, curses, and hospitality codes were all mixed together

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It's not even good wine, it's just that the Second Emperor is the one who inscribed moral (and social) laws on the heart of the world, which still stand.

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Like, even demons will stop trying to kill you and attempt to be gracious for a short amount of time. (Hostilities can resume after the wine is gone.) Even slimes will attempt to be hospitable, perhaps burping up a half-digested badger for you to share.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 07/02/2026

MAGIC ITEM: The Second Emperor's Wine. If presented as a gift, this bottle of wine requires the recipient to cease hostilities and share a meal with you. Works on dragons, undead, even slimes. This is an ancient covenant of hospitality. If blood has already been spilt, it's not a compulsion.

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After the collapse of America, we're going to need all the AOL disks we can get. I hope you saved a few.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

I watched Quest for Camelot yesterday and noticed that the falcon is the only competent one there.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 27/08/2025

DUNGEON BOSS. On the mountain top. Wrackton is an evil blind sage staff fighter, Level 7. Death Wing is a Lvl 10 peregrine falcon that can fly 300 mph, decapitate knights in a single pass, and blow over a horse with his shockwave. He has the mind of a normal trained falcon.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 21/08/2025

I'm gonna start keeping firearms and survivalist supplies near my desk. :(

Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 20/08/2025

I think laced boots are what miners wear because they have to go into mines. Over time full-laces just became miner-coded. Blacksmiths, sitting in their comfy shops, can afford to wear their boots with every other hole laced. (Or like, some comfy steel toe slippers, idk.)

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 20/08/2025

I've done some thinking and realized that I'm a blacksmith.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 23/07/2025

Magic Amulet - Endowment of the Flesh God. Focus on a creature to see through their eyes and learn their greatest desire. If you fail an easy Cha save their greatest desire overwrites your own greatest desire. Also, your bloodstreams commingle, sharing the effects of any potion, intoxicant, etc.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 26/06/2025

MONSTER: Atrocidon. Stats as ogre. Appear in packs of 1d3+1. Powerful lizard-hulks but effectiveness is crippled by their overriding urge for cruelty. Will *always* attack the weakest person. Will *always* go out of their way to trample a baby. Famously easy to control in this way.

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Reposted by Goblin Punch

Clayton @explorersdesign.bsky.social · 27/05/2025

When you design obstacles or puzzles in a dungeon, you should pack the dungeon with multiple solutions. The weirder, more esoteric, and more flavorful—the better. www.explorersdesign.com/designing-lo...

explorersdesign.com

Design Your Locks With More Keys

Every adventure's puzzle should have multiple solutions. In this article, we figure out how to give all of our metaphorical locks a ring of keys.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 26/06/2025

That's an oof. I mean, we could probably do a recap. Highlight the interesting bits of dungeon design, interesting player choices, etc.

Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 26/06/2025

Combat is only a fail state if it's too costly relative to the rewards. The costliness can come from HP, resources, or the player's time. OSR games tend to have hard combats, which are frequently too costly (unless the players engineer some advantage).

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 12/04/2025

I think Patrick did a long post about a Really Bad Dog and I think about that whenever someone mentions a good dog.

Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

St. Cascarrion, the Vampire Vampire Hunter The Sad Kraken Nameless Queen Yama Opaline, the Librarian Davok the Demon But at the end it turns out you've been married to the False Hydra and just forgot about it.

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Goblin Punch @goblinpunch.bsky.social · 01/04/2025

It's April Fools, so all TTRPG bloggers should be looking at their old content and deciding which characters they'd put in their dating sim.

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That's tremendous and only a little bit upsetting.

I hope I don't sound *too* much like a communist, but automation has really helped billionaires do more without relying on other humans for labor. AI is going to be the same thing, but for human creativity and brainpower. On the other hand, look how cute it is.

Naturalists think that this is what happens to liches whose phylacteries are destroyed. Huge tortoises are just unusually vulnerable at the astral level, and tortoise brains are very erosive to human memories.

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I agree with that. The constant repetition of the agenda gets tedious, though, kinda like Philosophy in the Boudoir. Animal Farm did it right. So did Candide.

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A Monster - Emperor Tortoise Cruel carnivores. 800 lbs, but no natural attacks. Can cast *magic jar* to swap bodies with you. While piloting your body, they'll jump off a cliff or drown you. Then they switch back and eat your corpse. Cha negates. Plan B is hiding in their shell and screaming.

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Magic Item - Ghast Pituitary. If you eat this and then eat someone's brain, you can learn *roughly* what they knew, but you need to succeed on a Cha save or have your personality permanently altered to be more similar to theirs. Another Cha save, or you'll adopt 1 of their values/goals.

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I started reading Atlas Shrugged and yes, it's pretty propagandish. BUT it is actually kinda fun to read if you treat it like pure fantasy. Like LotR is also kinda propandish but we don't care because it's a fantasy world that doesn't touch our world.

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It's just another opportunity for players to show their morality in a not-real-world way.

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