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gapernet

@gapernet.bsky.social
169 followers 520 following 645 posts

fixin' to be half as funny and twice as horny as my twitter

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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Don Bluth was cookin' with The Secret Of NIMH. The Great Owl and Nicodemus were Neutral and Good, respectively, but they presented as even scarier than actual baddies like Jenner. That was a powerful choice, it really helped show Mrs Brisby's fear (and resultant courage).
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
What chiles did you use? My pepper harvest this year was unfit for the sauce I've perfected, Stankin' Orangutan. A long-fermented mash of Trinidad Scorpion, Scotch Bonnet, and Fresno peppers, finished with tamarind, applesauce, and vinegar.
Crudely hand-drawn orangutan (with stink lines) attached to a bottle of hot sauce with gorilla tape
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
The first novel I read multiple times was Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli. I think that and the Wayside School books shaped my lifelong taste in pleasure reading early. Then my dad gave me Cat's Cradle for my birthday in 7th grade and it was off to the races from there.
Cover if Maniac Magee by Jerry Spinelli showing a young man from the knees down, wearing jeans and white sneakers,with his left foot planted and his right foot raised and pointing down, indicating he is running and is mid-stride.
The lower right corner shows an embossed gold Newberry Medal, an award given for "the most distinguished contributions to American literature for children"
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
One of my favorite bits to get my wife's goat is, if I time it just right, her watch's voice-to-text records my interjection right after she hits send, so it transcribes it and she can't cancel. This was her to our babysitter.
My spouse texting with our babysitter: 

SITTER:
Just so you know we went back inside:)
No rush tho!

SPOUSE:
OK! Will be back in about 20 or so minutes I'm a stinky walrus

Sorry, that last part was background noise

Hahaha
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
I seen a pretty big 'un the other day
Selfie taken with a large Common Garden Spider dangling between myself and the camera, me with a curious-yet-concerned look (spider looking fairly confident)Selfie taken with a large Common Garden Spider dangling between myself and the camera, me with a bemused look (spider looking fairly confident)
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Listening to Werner Herzog read the audiobook of his memoir Every Man For Himself And God Against All is beautiful and absurd. He watched dozens of weasels run down a hillside! He stabbed his brother in an argument about their pet hamster! His mother was a Doctor of Biology who studied fish hearing!
Image macro of Dr Evil from the film Austin Powers: International Man Of Mystery saying:

"My childhood was typica. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons. In the spring we'd make meat helmets."
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Alien from Mars Attacks! disguised as a human
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
Crazy-making that this was for a comment in this thread
Bluesky "Liked By" list that states "4 Likes" and proceeds to display the THREE users who had liked the comment.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 04/08/2026
Trying to live like Anthony Edwards in Northern Exposure
Mike Monroe from Northern Exposure, who has to live in a bubble and wears Maurice's spacesuit to go outside without dying
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 27/07/2026
Me when my wife asks how the toga circlejerk went
we jizzed like Caesar
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Their incredible skills using AI is enough to sell me on the quality of their pod .
Image from the page for a podcast I will never hear.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 16/06/2026
Slow down Chachi, they're storming through Atlanta like General Sherman in a Yugo and we go nil-nil and everyone in Praia is singing Campeones while Francisco Franco is doing the jitterbug with Queen Isobel in hell.
Snarky Denyis Miller
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 10/06/2026
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
According to The Lore they've been around since before the evolution of multi-celled organisms Now THAT is staying power!!!
[Screenshot from https://villains.fandom.com/wiki/Minions_(Despicable_Me)]:
History
The Minions predate Humans by millions of years to the beginning of life itself as single celled organisms. As stated in Minions, their only purpose in life is to find and serve the most despicable masters in history, although they end up being quite incompetent, serving T-rexes, pharaohs and evil Count Dracula, and accidentally murdering them all.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
We Don't 
Rent Pigs
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
I agree, I'm a G-2 man myself. But I've always considered the Uni-Ball Roller to be a true Lawyer Pen. Scribble with a blue Uni-Ball Roller on a yellow legal pad, and someone is getting their ass sued!
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 27/02/2026
Twofer.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 26/02/2026
Our kitty is 17, so a few years ago we got him his own electric blanket for maximum warmth and comfort. He smiles when it is on.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 13/12/2025
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 09/09/2025
@early90spants.bsky.social, I lied to you. My buddy was not, in fact, "going crazy" trying to figure out the bumper music. Only I was "going crazy". I embellished the framing of my question out of hope that I would get an answer. And it worked.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 04/09/2025
Mostly flavor. I've never been satisfied with a New Mexico Green Chile hot sauce; they never capture the beauty of that chile. I tried a lot of things before I stumbled on corn milk.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 28/05/2025
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 11/05/2025
For some reason my wife's glasses came with this cum rag with good cumrag advice printed on it.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 15/04/2025
Dogg the app added more stats for NYT Connections and I am so psyched. 'Purple First' is an excellent stat to see I look at the wordlebot after every puzzle and for crossword data I actually use an external site, xwstats.com.
Image of the stats page for the Connections puzzle on the NYT Games app
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 12/03/2025
If Resist Liberals were serious about opposing PresidentTrump they should have pulled a Dirty Work during the car commercial he did today.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 05/03/2025
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 01/03/2025
Tony Blinken was strong determined evil, boasting "Good news Bibi, I persuaded Joe to throw in an extra $100 million worth of bombs for those refugee camps." Little Marco is pathetic evil, sheepishly muttering "I'm sorry President Zelensky, but President Trump says you gotta go home now."
Marco Rubio sitting like a little mark-ass bitch.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 29/01/2025
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 22/11/2024
This means Wile E. Coyote was getting cucked the whole time?
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 15/11/2024
Call me Nancy Pelosi's fake boobs the way I'm performatively standing up for the Liberal Resistance.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 01/11/2022
New term for boobs just dropped
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 17/08/2022
I think I saw @blowbackpod driving around Portland today.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 15/02/2022
They fashioned the slopestyle course at the Beijing Olympics to resemble The Great Wall Of China and the gambit appears to be paying off: zero Mongolians have attempted to ski it so far.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 23/01/2021
In honor of Larry King, here are two of my favorite tweets of all time.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 04/01/2021
During his 62-minute phone call begging, threatening, and blatantly illegally requesting the Georgia Secretary of State overturn the will of the voters, President Trump interrupted himself to tell counsel Ryan Germany that he has "a nice last name". I did notsee that coming.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 21/12/2020
Holy shit Ligers (where a Lion knocks up a Tigress) are already cool enough, but I just learned about Liligers, where a Lion knocks up a Ligress. For real.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 04/11/2020
I think we all know who this town voted for.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 24/10/2020
this jack-o-lantern kills fascists
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 02/10/2020
If Trump dies they should arrest Woody Guthrie's guitar immediately.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 29/09/2020
I made a Debate Bingo card guaranteed not to win!
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 07/03/2020
I hate how many days ago I tweeted that.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 18/11/2019
To explain the tenuous dumb part of The Force from the Prequels to someone who loves Fraggle Rock: ·Doozers are midichlorians ·Doozer buildings are The Force ·Fraggles are Jedi. ·Also the Gorgs' radishes are a different part of The Force.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 19/04/2018
#GameStruck4
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 01/03/2018
Without hearing it, I am certain that Spike Jonze made the right choice and may have even saved Adaptation with this decision.
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 26/02/2018
Wanna know a kickass name for a sports team? The Werewolves. The NFL team in DC should just change their name to Washington Werewolves. Everybody would love that, it's way better than the current name,
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 10/05/2017
don't see what the big deal is; I expected Trump to prioritize the Female Body Inspector & fire him if he isn't isn't Inspecting well enough
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gapernet @gapernet.bsky.social · 03/03/2014
Score! Best birthday present I've ever given myself. #shopindie #englishoceans @drivebytruckers  t.co/813lNhyZVC
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