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Flups

@flups.bsky.social
4.8K followers 370 following 8K posts

Chief spokeswoman for the ‘Campaign To Get C*riander Sent Back To From Whence It Came; The Fiery Yet Soapy Buttocks Of The Devil Himself’.

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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
And now the first in a series I’m calling ‘Idiot Insects In A Light Source’. The spider is alive and has now been rehoused. The fly received a fitting funeral (it went in the bin).
A stupid fly floating in melted candle wax.A rather hench spider in a tall lamp.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
“Excuse me shopkeep, where are the Oozy’s?” “Aisle B, back…”
Chocolate biscuits called Oozy’s.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
I wonder who’ll come first…
Facebook post advertising a local duck race with a very unfortunate typo regarding the word ‘duck’.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
I plan to have these words printed on a t-shirt which I shall then wear forevermore.
A waxwork model as seen in Bygones Victorian Museum, Torquay next to a sign saying “I am very old and delicate, please do not touch me”.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Fantastic image of this evening’s ‘Turtley Clips’.
Hair clips in the shape of turtles. The actual eclipse was a bit rubbish. I haven’t been this disappointed since they stopped making ready salted Discos.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
Hello, my lovely. How are you? Myself and The Feral Loin Fruit™️ are currently holidaying in that Devon. The weather is just glorious and I’ve even paddled in the sea today 😊 x
Beautiful blue sky and fabulous clear sea in Devon.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 14/07/2026
🎶Mr Loverman…🎶
A map showing a place called Shebbear.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
SEE? I TOLD YOU C*RIANDER WAS EVIL! Plus explosive diarrhoea is incredibly difficult to contain as it goes everywhere. Why these experts wish to keep runny bum fudge in containers is beyond me.
A flow chart showing that the nasty bastard coriander houses parasites which can make your bottom explode.Headline from online newspaper stating that parasite causes explosive diarrhoea. They’ve spelled diarrhoea incorrectly though which is causing a searing rage inside of me.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 11/06/2026
Anyone for teanis?
A teapot with testycles sitting underneath the, er, spout.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 06/06/2026
What’s wrong? You’ve barely touched your slice of haunted dog cake.
Ralph the Cavapoo cake. He’s obviously seen some terrible things.A close up of poor Ralph.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 03/06/2026
Surely this quote should say “I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna, I wanna really, really, really wanna…”?
A quote painted on a wall by Zig Ziglar.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
IT. IS. JUNE! Stop this nonsense IMMEDIATELY!
Christmas cards proudly displayed in a National Trust gift shop. IN JUNE! I am so outraged that my bosoms hurt.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 01/06/2026
Monday.
A horrific looking teddy bear fashioned from uncooked chicken. Apparently.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
Me too, mulberry tree, me too.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 31/05/2026
I imagine most of us ladies have one in this heat.
Sticky Teriyaki crisps. They’re on a shelf behind little metal railings. I wonder if they think they’re at an outdoor music festival?
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
I am NOT enjoying this utter horseshit which is currently happening above me.
Lots of bastard hot air balloons in the air just above my house. They very much need to piss right off.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 25/05/2026
After fifty three years on this planet, yesterday I attended my first festival and had the BEST time! 10cc were utterly amazing, Ricky Wilson’s Fabulous Adjustable Band were brilliant and Alex James’ classical Britpop ended the whole day perfectly. A much needed escape from reality #FarmFest
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
A beautiful horse.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Same vibe #TOTP
Mick Hucknall.Windy Miller.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
"Think back to your childhood. Do you remember when the anxiety started?”
Hideous melty faced dog thing.Psychotic looking badger with eyes that stare into your very soul.Absolutely no bastard idea what the hell this thing was supposed to be. Looks a bit like a blue turnip with tree branches coming out of its freaky head.Rupert the Bear who looks as if he’s had too much lip filler.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 20/05/2026
What if I’m not a delicious woman?
A pot of ‘delicious women’s gummies’.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
Bloody hell! What a huge coincidence! I was there too today!
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 17/05/2026
I visited Waddesdon Manor today and saw a statue depicting the first ever selfie being taken.
A statue of a scantily clad gentleman holding something aloft.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Yungdaught’s first attempt at banana bread. I might have to accidentally fall face first onto a slice any second now.
Yummy banana bread which will in no way have a million calories in it.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 15/05/2026
I thought this was a bald Tony Blair at first glance.
Loyd Grossman looking like a bald Tony Bleugh on a jar of pasta sauce.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 13/05/2026
Very disappointed to open the box to find just some sticks and no ice cream. Also, yes, it does although not as well as glue.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 12/05/2026
I’ve never been prouder.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Monday.
Elton John wearing a rather ropey looking lounge suit and rubber gloves.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
Coincidentally, Tasty Perks is my stripper name.
A McDonald’s promotional poster pushing free fries. Free fries are my favourite kind, to be honest
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 05/05/2026
Utterly ridiculous to make a blanket out of hot chocolate. It would just melt and make you look like you’d shit yourself.
A ‘luxury heated chocolate throw’. I’m obviously just being silly but we need silly right now due to the world being a raging bin fire.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 22/04/2026
Here you go 😊 This is Monkey having an existential crisis in my tumble dryer.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 20/04/2026
Glasto 2026 setlist has just dropped.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
I’ve done it. Six stone gone since last March.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
Four years ago today, according to Facefook. Still one of my proudest moments #totp
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
What is this? BlueSky? BullShit more like. This kind of irrelevant bollocks should not trigger such extreme anxiety in a fifty three year old mother of five. I really do need to get a life.
Utter fuckwittery from Bluesky which currently appears to be more broken than my joy for life.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
“Some have told me I'm too 'controversial' to have an athleisure line”
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 16/04/2026
Walmart MglwgLf?
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Post a picture of yourself as a doctor.
Les from Vic Reeves’ Big Night Out.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 14/04/2026
Tuesday.
A young gentleman who’s had his face pressed against a window. Imagine someone sitting on a glass table without any underpants on, his face looks a little bit like what you’d see from underneath said table.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
I didn’t order a miced latte.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 13/04/2026
At first glance I thought Pubetin was wearing a pair of those tiny hands you can get from Temu.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 11/04/2026
I’ve had the best of presents from the best of people.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 10/04/2026
Given that the blue plate looks like a pair of underpants as well as a cartoon ballsack resting on the crisps, is it any wonder that ‘crunchy trumpet mushroom’ is how I shall refer to a penis from now on?
A packet of crunchy trumpet mushroom posh crisps.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
Presenting the greatest bit of lorry defacing I’ve ever seen.
A lorry with a photograph of a footballer. Said footballer has had a rather impressive set of genitals added to his person which have been etched into the residual road dirt on the back of said lorry.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 09/04/2026
One pound to go and I’ll have lost six stone since last March!
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 08/04/2026
Wednesday.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 05/04/2026
Happy Easter!
Jeebus emerging from his tomb to find that nobody has bought him an Easter egg.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 30/03/2026
Monday.
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Flups @flups.bsky.social · 27/03/2026
Oh my god, I’ve just realised that Colonel Sanders is a vampire! WHAT THE HELL HAVE I JUST EATEN?
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