Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 28/09/2026I still miss that guy, who did exist. He just seemed to vanish from the internet one day (smart). Or maybe he just thoroughly ghosted me. 010
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 22/09/2026The earliest email I have is from 2007 where you’re complaining about irregular updates to Chokeville (lol) and that “TKFT doesn't hold a candle to TBI” which I assume is The Knowledge For Thirst and The Burning Itch, the latter of which predates Twitter by a pretty long time. 120
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 21/09/2026I rebuilt my website for the first time in like 20 years so it’s actually legible again, you’re welcome slash I’m sorry. fireland.comfireland.comFirelandThe internet homepage of writer Josh Fireland, creator of Chokeville, KNIFE FITE, The House of Wigs, et al. 3140
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 17/09/2026Saw my old band for the first time in years. We had some beers, had some laughs, jammed on a few tunes, drove home dead-eyed in our Honda CR-V hybrids. 050
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 15/09/2026how can therapists even stand listening to people’s stupid thoughts and feelings all day ha ha anyway where was i [scrolls thru bluesky] 090
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 12/09/2026It’s not because I feel I have to it’s because I enjoy the sound :) 030
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 02/09/2026nobody takes me serious but that’s about to change [grimly takes a shot of nummy appie juice] 030
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 01/09/2026Unrelated but back in ‘77 we (myself and other four year olds) assumed Vader died, we didn’t know there would be a sequel (or what sequels were) and bad guys tended to die at the end, and in all the excitement we couldn’t be expected to notice the quick shot where he straightens out and flies off 100
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 01/09/2026Alternate ending for your records: “it was just thrust upon you” Fireland Dot Com: Never Stop Revising™ 150
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 01/09/2026ME: when i was a kid we had to grate our own cheese, we couldn’t just buy a bag of shredded cheese YOUTH: i bet it tasted better though ME: it tasted like a pack of marlboros like everything else back then!! YOUTH: well at least you had cool ranch doritos ME: now you’re just mocking me 0140
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 30/08/2026PSA: Do NOT spend money on the webinar “How to Use Telekinesis to Explode a Head/Body” it is a SCAM I have only been able to pop half a bag of microwave popcorn (on accident) meanwhile my neighbor Chet is still intact as he escorts my wife to yet another free meal at Texas Roadhouse 0110
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 28/08/2026Good week! I had somehow never seen any of these before. I don’t like rating movies but in my heart every movie gets four and a half stars. 030
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 27/08/2026I went to college in Los Angeles in 1991. You were required by law to have a copy of Blood Sugar Sex Magik. Nobody wanted it, it was just something that happened to you. 2130
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 25/08/2026back in the day this plus a half bottle of bartles would give your paramour the nasty tingles 2101
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 24/08/2026They’re making a biopic of your life, what song do they use in the trailer? I’ll go first: slow, somber cover of Yakety Sax. 160
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 23/08/2026Bat and Mina’s parents handed down one hundred life lessons, most whispered right into their fontanelles, and the relevant one here is: Something chasing you? Run away. Don’t think about it. Figure it out later, or not. 010
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 21/08/2026WAITER: how’s your meatball sub ME: well the AI picture in the menu looks like the fetid writhing undercarriage of Gor-Ga-Thys, Thousand-Eyed Penetrator of the Infinite, but this just looks like three damp brown spheres in a chunky crimson paste WAITER: i’m sorry it’s the wrong kind of horrifying 071
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 18/08/2026SAMWISE: It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo! The ones that really mattered! ME: Yeah like the ones I wrote! SAMWISE: I’m not talking about your gross creepy Amelie fanfic ME: It matters to me :( 060
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 17/08/2026ME IN THE 90s: i will never sell out EVER ME TODAY: Just to confirm, if I get this Dr Pepper tattoo on my neck, I’ll get half off my next purchase of ANY product from the Keurig Dr Pepper Incorporated family of brands? 060
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 13/08/2026Remember when they made a backup Bill Murray in case Bill Murray wasn’t available? 030
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 12/08/2026So a gun is basically a magic amulet that lets you “win” when you hold it? Grow up, America. 000
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 12/08/2026If the drama of a scene hinges on which character has the gun* then I think you should maybe think of something else *bazookas excepted 120
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 12/08/2026guys check out my FREE app that uses AI to generate ska punk songs to relax/study to!! $4.99 in-app purchase if you want it to not do that 071
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 11/08/2026I guess I should link to the audiobook. I am very good at marketing myself! www.audible.com/pd/Chokevill...audible.comChokevilleCheck out this great listen on Audible.com. Welcome to Fort Hook, a lawless port city teeming with gangsters and smugglers and dipshits. At the bottom of the ladder is Batya, who’s worked as muscle-fo... 000
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 11/08/2026If you have any interest in my novel CHOKEVILLE, I highly recommend listening to the audiobook. Nicole Fikes elevates every single line, giving stuff like this severed head scene a kind of intimate sweetness that may not be on the page (my bad). 110
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 11/08/2026“Don’t ever ditch me again.” “I won’t.” “Because I will find you,” Bat murmurs, mostly asleep. “And I will pluck out your heart and show it to your severed head.” “I know, little Batya,” Mina whispers. “I know.” 120
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 10/08/2026I love how 90s alt rock videos looked like this, keeping things in focus or pointing the camera at something interesting was seen as “selling out” 170
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 10/08/2026Sorry Thomas but this is worse than when KISS took off their makeup 120
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 08/08/2026There used to be a lot more movie scenes that took place on racquetball courts. 180
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 08/08/2026Sometimes I just post my thoughts, okay? Be grateful it doesn’t happen more often. #hero 170
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 07/08/2026I’m always impressed when musicians become actors and are pretty good at not looking at the camera. Musicians mostly have to look at the camera! It must tough to unlearn those old habits. 1111
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 07/08/2026OCEAN’S MINUS ONE (2026): Debbie Ocean (Margot Robbie) is pregnant with Danny (a de-aged George Clooney) who masterminds an elaborate plan to escape her womb with the help of an unscrupulous doctor (a never-better Dave Franco) and CGI Bernie Mac. Already removed from Netflix. 0132
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 05/08/2026ME: let go of the past, dear friends, there is only here, now, this present moment in which nothi— MY BROTHER: remember when you pronounced Ferris Bueller “Ferris Bweller” lol what an idiot 0191
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 04/08/2026PSA: Chris Onstad is still doing Achewood, putting out a frankly ridiculous amount of new stuff every week, and it’s beautiful as ever. www.achewood.com 0173
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 04/08/2026people always ask why i’m so beloved and it’s because i’ve never shared one single genuine opinion on anything ever 080
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 03/08/2026[shoves bra into bottle of tito’s, lights it on fire] son this is what they call a gentleman’s molotov [yeets it at cybertruck] 091
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 02/08/2026Thank you! I don’t think this one was even used for that long. 000
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 31/07/2026ads should probably change “ask your doctor” to the more plausible “ask a doctor” or maybe “ask a shitty chatbot that scraped transcripts of The Pitt” 062
Josh Fireland @fireland.com · 31/07/2026Vividly remember this, the animation was almost as intense at the germ killing flavor of Listerine itself. Also great was one with the Tarzan Boy song. 020
