World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 02/10/2026Ultra filtered milk is less of a milk than any nut milk 000
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 01/10/2026Rhymes are more impactful than wordplay. This is evident in people calling her Stella Thefty instead of Stealla Lefty 100
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 30/09/2026I ain’t as sleepy as I once was, but I’m as sleepy now as I ever was 031
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 27/09/2026I won’t do this but I’d love to have a YouTube profile named after a famous dictator or war criminal and just comment “idc what the haters say, I love this song” on every controversial Taylor Swift or Stella Lefty song 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 25/09/2026Just got a Premium subscription to the weather app. I’m up on weather y’all don’t even know about 120
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 23/09/2026MLK waking up in the middle of the night: “I had the dream again” 030
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 22/09/2026They gotta get a handle on this stuff, man 043
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Whenever I taste beer I feel so disappointed that THAT’S what people are drinking. Like Homer Simpson is going crazy for THIS archaic-ass fermented grain beverage??? 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 01/09/2026Post a meme made by you How can I choose just one?? 340
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 08/08/2026What speaks but is never heard, enters a room but takes up no space, and works but is never acknowledged? 000
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 04/08/2026Bought a second hand clock so I don’t know what time it is, but I do know when it’ll change. 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 03/08/2026The nap is the key that opens the door to being awake later 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Horny Beths be like “we were hump rope glazers in the middle of the night” 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 29/07/2026Helping my friend with his Cyrano de Bergerac book report by hiding around the corner and whispering the plot of the story to him. 031
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 23/07/2026They call it the restroom because I feel like I’m about to spend the rest of my life here 021
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 08/07/2026Call me government-induced self-censorship the way I have a chillin effect 😎 030
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 10/06/2026When you’re at a sleepover with Matthew, Mark, Luke and John and they see you put on regular pajamas 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 15/04/2026Often thinking about what the world be like if Kanye had been too cool for the safe belt 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 13/04/2026Of course trans puppygirls love electronic music, so many of them are sub woofers 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 13/04/2026Rawdogging sex by not using my phone at all 150
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 08/04/2026Woody Allen does use AI: Adolescent Intrigue 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 08/04/2026Just found out Pavlov had a dog named Angel who he conditioned to eat wings. So that’s where the phrase comes from. 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 03/04/2026You know the kidnapping plot in Labyrinth was all improvised? They simply put David Bowie near an underage girl and he just did all that! 030
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 25/03/2026The only neurotypical people who like me are white women who type “bahaha” when they laugh 050
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 12/03/2026Mr. Sandman: dude I’m freaking out right now Me: okay count five sheep you can see 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 12/03/2026The voice of every person who has ever covered The Book of Love singing in perfect, beautiful harmony: “The book of love is long and throbbing, it tells the story of my dong” 140
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 03/03/2026Shorty gave me that shit you only get once in a life time and yeah I’m talking head 140
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 30/01/2026When we were young we had Morrowind and Skyrim, now our parents are using phones in nursing homes. How our Elders Scroll into Oblivion. Sad. 040
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 23/01/2026Joni Mitchell voice I’ve clapped those cheeks from both sides now 050
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 14/01/2026Angel ringing bell for service at a restaurant: uhh can i get the wings? 000
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 09/01/2026Gulab jamun, gulab jamun in the name of the Lord 000
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 05/01/2026Leftist women wanna date me so bad just so they can put another black square on their instagram 040
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 05/01/2026Just found out Krav Maga is an Israeli martial art which explains why in all the instructionals the goal is to restrain your opponent so they can get sniped from a distant rooftop 010
Reposted by World’s Only Evan DiemEv from Felt Lips @borissentme.bsky.social · 31/12/2025New @evandiem.bsky.social video up for fans of good musicyoutu.beHighlights and Hues - Evan Diem (cassette tape)YouTube video by Evan Diem 011
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 31/12/2025Call her little lord Jesus the way she laid down that sweet head 040
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 03/12/2025I live my life to increase the percentage of the world population who will care that I died from .00000000243902% to .00000060975% 000
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 08/10/2025Girls be like “he has to know I’m flirting with him, I have been acting so bizarre every time he’s around.” 030
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 30/09/2025Her: is that a roll of quarters in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? Me, ridiculously turned on by laundromats: you’re never gonna believe this 021
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 20/09/2025White ladies love coughing and sneezing into their open palms 040
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 18/09/2025Meta Ray-Bans?? Oh, you mean Personal Pan Opticon?? 020
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 18/09/2025Feminist Shakespeare be like: Much a dude about nothing 041
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 16/09/2025Running a D&D campaign where my party has to travel into deep, dark crevices to fight all the big evil enemies. I just wanna see if I can give someone multiple orc chasms. 030
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 11/09/2025If it were actually a good comedy they’d have called it “It’s Always Funny In Sillydelphia” but they didn’t 031
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 09/09/2025"Damn mercury retrograde got me fucked up 😩🤪🥴" ~ someone whose life is always like that 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 05/09/2025People really sleep on alcohol literally being poison. I know in terms of toxicity it is on the lower side of how much it kills you but still! Someone will be like “man I drank too much last night and I feel terrible” like yes bro ye doth imbibed a poison most foul, tf!? 010
World’s Only Evan Diem @evandiem.bsky.social · 03/09/2025Putting a capo on your boobs to turn them from Bs to Cs 060
