iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 23/07/2026

Do you ever just feel like you're invisible? like I could be standing stark bollock naked in the middle of trafalga square at 10am on a Saturday with a megaphone talking about the thing I'm trying to create and nobody would notice?

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 19/07/2026

I've had a career drought from hell this year. So I'm trying something different. On Friday I launched the Golden Ticket Film Club. Netflix gives you 4,000 films and zero will to pick one. I give you three, paired to your mood, every Friday. (free for one month) open.substack.com/pub/goldenti...

open.substack.com

🎟️ Showing #1 - Emma's Favourites

Point Break, Inception and Buffy the Vampire Slayer walk into a heatwave. Three films, three nights, and yes, a lifelong crush on Keanu.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 23/06/2026

PSA for the press… it’s not a fucking secret if you’re publishing it, is it?

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 20/06/2026

Huh. Well, the last 6 months have been interesting. Bertie died early one Saturday morning at the end of January. It was faster than we’d have liked.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 29/05/2026

The brass neck of people who “offer” £150 when something is listed for £240 on Vinted. I’ve got an offer back… fuck off. 🙄

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 22/02/2026

Waiting for an ultrasound and an MRI (routine appointment). Unimpressed by the nurse stood at the counter gossiping with the receptionist holding my slip for my appointment for the last 10 mins. I get it, it’s a Sunday, but it’s not like I don’t have stuff to do today.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 14/02/2026

When in doubt, watch Bedknobs and Broomsticks

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 07/02/2026

The question nobody seems to be asking. If nature abhors a vacuum, who has filled the Epstein void? Because these scum lords won’t stop their activities just because someone is dead. Look at the mafia, cut off a head and two more grow to replace it.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 05/01/2026

Tore my rotator cuff feeding the hamster. He was in a glass terrarium on top of a book case (because we had cats) with an arm chair in front of it. I over extended at a bad angle.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 05/12/2025

Just read an article on festive gift ideas for people your struggling to gift for. Can I say, anyone giving me a bag of “festive granola” is telling me they hate me.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 26/11/2025

Small point. The budget was a shit show. We know. But if I see another WOMAN call the Chancellor "Rachel from accounts" I will lose my shit with them. I didn't hear anyone say "Rishi from the bank".

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 04/11/2025

When they finally give you “zee really gut drugz” (he’s stoned on a cocktail of gabapentin, metacam and paracetamol), 1 week post surgery we seem to have got his pain under control, finally - surgery was fine, post op complication not so much

A golden retriever’s head rests on his front paw, he’s totally bombed and looks dreamily at his mama

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 11/10/2025

“No, exotic… I always get those to muddled up” and “Guinea Pigs for Fun and Profit” If you know, you know.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 09/10/2025

I have an important decision to make... Jumbo battered sausage or battered cod from the fish and chip van this evening?? 🤔 (it's been a fucking long day that's involved getting up 2 hours early so I can have a shower before they turned my gas off, for 90 fucking minutes 😑)

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 15/09/2025

I did not vote for that sack of sh*t Danny Kruger, I am not happy he's my MP and I'm even LESS happy he's now a f*cking member of Reform.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 11/09/2025

Thank you to whoever sorted out the indexing on NHS.uk - you know what would be awesome now? as I'm assuming that services, conditions, symptoms and medications are sitting in three separate root files, you could do federated search (because that sexy search engine I helped implement supports it)

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 25/08/2025

Ben Stiller smashing the shit out of Adam Scott in The Secret Life of Walter Mitty is unbelievably enjoyable. (I can’t stand Scott, he’s a talentless irritant).

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 24/08/2025

Dough is my nemesis, but I remembered I've got a recipe from Morito that turned out OK ish. so I thought I'd give it a go using my Gozney (my cooker is shite). turned out *AMAZING* the long batons are Leek and Feta Gözleme, which are Ok but not as great as I thought they would be.

a pile of slightly singed Gözleme (Turkish calzone) are piled on a cooling rack, in the background a blue Le Creuset kettle rests on the closed cooker lid.

trays of cooling bread rolls (slightly singed they came out the pizza oven) sit ontop of a closed cooker. the blue of a kettle can be seen in the back right of the picture

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 23/08/2025

There are two social housing properties to one side of my home. earlier this summer, there was a house swap (because once you've got social housing you can move around within the network). Unfortunately, I now have neighbours from hell

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 23/08/2025

So the Thursday Murder Club is why book lovers have trust issues. They know what they did 👀

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 22/08/2025

American reality shows are all “oh my GOSH” and “oh my goodness!!” Meanwhile in the uk: “bloody hell” and “holy shit” It’s at the point of slightly dystopian 👀

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 21/08/2025

Imagine taking out a mortgage, and the mortgage company asks you if you have pets, you say yes, and they either double the deposit you need to pay or they charge you an arbitrary amount, per pet, per month. Because that’s what it’s like trying to find somewhere to rent in 2025

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 19/08/2025

Some excellent news in my week! Dept Q is getting a second season 🙌🙌

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 14/08/2025

cat.exe has crashed. please poke cat to reboot

Weirdo, the Burmese cat, likes on his back with his belly exposed and back paws in the air, completely out cold.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 13/08/2025

Things I have done in the last week: Relocated a bumble bee from near my car tyre to a bush (while talking to it) Escorted a mahoosive dragon fly out of my conservatory before my cats were able to play with it Cried at seeing a dead hedgehog Animals are infinitely better than humans

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 12/08/2025

If a sigh-roll (a sigh + eyeroll)were a picture

Weirdo a Burmese cat stares into the distance (I’m told it was a ghost, like duh) his ears are flipped back and he is giving big “oh REALLY mother energy”

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 11/08/2025

things I've already said this morning "surprisingly, I don't want your bum in my face while I drink coffee" "I know you want to go out in the conservatory but even you can't handle the heat today" "will you go and yell at the fat pidge somewhere else please?" Burmese cats 🙄

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 08/08/2025

The dog went grazing on fallen apples in the garden. We are all now paying the price for this. Luna as sensibly left the room. Weirdo and I are being gassed. I think it’s time for bed.

A golden retriever lies on his back on the floor, his floof duster (tail) acting as a fart wafter. There is a teal velvet armchair in the background and a discarded partially de-flooded Santa toy on the floor.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 25/07/2025

FINALLY. Carrie has seen sense. Until she hasn’t, which we all know will happen. Why does she keep going backwards??

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 22/07/2025

Is it that he's not f*cking welcome? unless he's staying with the Bamfords, they seem to tolerate racists, and I'm sure Clarkson will give him a nice warm welcome

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 19/07/2025

Why has nobody told me about chorizo stuffed olives before?!?

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 14/07/2025

I know 47 is dumb as a box of rocks (poss unfair to the rocks tbf), but threatening a country that already has more sanctions to count against it, and from what I'm aware very little if any trade with the US, with "severe tariffs" is a bit like wagging your finger and saying he's a very naughty boy

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 14/07/2025

Could I possibly suggest that organisations do an audit of historic complaints against men with problematic behaviour and, oh I don't know, DO something about them before women are forced to go public. TWELVE complaints against that grubby greengrocer between 2005 and 2024 they did f*ck all about.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 11/07/2025

Why is everyone losing their shit over a social media platform doing the thing most of us left the dead bird site for? i.e. doing something to protect us?? Because it’s sound like “you must do things to protect us, oh no, not like that.”

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 10/07/2025

Between my GP surgery patient management platform and the NHS app I feel like I'm being stalked by the Mrs Doyle equivalent of reminders. I've had 3 messages from the NHS app (which is so damn clunky to get into now) and a text message to remind me of an appointment I already put in my calendar 🫠

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 30/06/2025

Yes, I’m watching Glasto on catchup… but that aside. The Prodigy opened with Voodoo People which is my *absolute* fave track of theirs. I know, not a classic Flint track, but it’s just perfection.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 28/06/2025

Maribou State playing the last set on the West Holts stage last night, with a full orchestra and perfect sound, could defo give some sets with shite sound a run for their money.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 28/06/2025

Village fete means the wife beater next door has gone out, and the chavs the other side were last seen loading a boot full of Carling yesterday evening, so I just have the sound of these trees and birbs to entertain me. BLISS.

A row of trees swaying in the breeze under an almost cloudless blue sky.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 26/06/2025

despite me not really wanting anything to do with it, are any of my connections here working for NHS.uk? if so... was there a decision made not to point the search index at the symptoms content? or did someone forget? 🫣

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 20/06/2025

I have questions. Why are Harry and Charlotte sleeping in a smaller bed than LTW yet they live on Park Avenue?!? I am skimming over why the frock Aidan is back, because I’m still a hard no.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 17/06/2025

I’ve picked up Careless People again, after I forgot where I’d put it, and it’s got to be said, a vast proportion of the people Facebook, and probs by extension Silicon Valley employ are dumber than a box of rocks.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 13/06/2025

It was only 1986. What’s even wilder, there are people on here who were alive when the war in Japan ended, which was 40 years before that.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 13/06/2025

Still the time I almost walked into Bear Grylls in my village shop. I was buying wine & chocolate, wearing PJ bottoms & a hoodie. He was buying full fat milk and plastic white bread. Not sure who was more mortified

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 13/06/2025

Have we tried turning it off and on again?? The world, I’m talking about the world.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 10/06/2025

Note to self, while it was a great idea not to throw away the apple keyboard, the same can't be said for the apple mouse. Maybe keep a back-up wired mouse somewhere, because the next time you decide the nuclear Mac rebuild is required, you'll need them.

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 09/06/2025

CarPlay ultra = why they ditched the Apple car project

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 05/06/2025

Hey, US peeps, the UK is going to bed. Can you make sure a grown up is in charge of the football while we sleep?

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Emma Chittenden @emmachittenden.com · 05/06/2025

Look, at this point, it’s starting to become more of a shock when someone’s NOT in the Epstein files. I’m just here waiting for Muskrat to get deported. With a very public ICE arrest.

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