iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

The dream hotel experience is finding yourself in a hot tub with two Florida gays

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

You can tell a restaurant doesn’t want anyone cool to go there when they only have their menu on facebook

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I came over here to post that I used my daughters homework as a coaster but I feel like that’s a bad look when I haven’t posted in weeks. Ha ha ha

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Listen up, trash pandas: I always forget to promote myself over here! If you love my anyway please haz click aqui 😘

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 09/09/2026

Light a pumpkin spice candle at my lobotomy

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 27/08/2026

At some point, someone’s male partner will ask, “are you still watching Dolly Parton reels on Instagram?” And that man should be immediately dumped

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 15/08/2026

My partner likes to watch movies with me so I can tell him who the actors used to date

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

“The other day I used an AI app to see what I would look like bald” - my brother, an extremely 47 year old man

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 09/08/2026

Girls don’t like boys girls like taking pictures at dead or dying malls

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 02/08/2026

I bet having a little sailboat and waving as you pass other people on their little sailboats feels sooooo good

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 21/07/2026

What places the film Independence Day in time is the prevalence of Fruitopia vending machines

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 14/07/2026

Grammar question: Is it “weekend at berniesing” or “weekending at bernies” to describe what’s going on with mitch

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 22/06/2026

Is your favorite helicopter music Jerry Bruckheimer or Vietnam?

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 16/06/2026

I love when hotels have business centers. How some people are addicted to phones, that’s me and faxing

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 14/06/2026

If Portland had a moment where we all spilled out into the streets and spontaneously broke out into song, what would the song be?

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 11/06/2026

Knicks colors are tacky but congrats

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 27/05/2026

Dentists wiping stuff off on your bib after cleaning it out of your teeth is the human equivalent of wiping dogs’ boogers back onto their fur

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 09/05/2026

I would sooner poop with the door open than let my partner watch me eat cereal

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 03/05/2026

It’s a mesh crop top kinda day in Portland Oregon

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 24/04/2026

Its name your fears Friday My fear is I’m going to get into Celsius once everyone else has moved on and I won’t be able to find it anywhere

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 22/04/2026

your honor do you have a light

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 22/04/2026

“your honor I really needed this”

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 18/04/2026

Early spring perfect days in Portland catches us at our whimsiest. I’ve seen so many people at Freddie’s carrying hoverboards.

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 14/04/2026

I could never be famous because I don’t want to do the Jennifer Hudson spirit tunnel

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 04/03/2026

Small earthquake Portland? Or do I need a new dryer

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 03/03/2026

Something from Zara will fix this

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 20/02/2026

My vibe isn’t so much “maternal” as “definitely has bandaids in her purse”

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 26/01/2026

I know it is deeply deranged to have written jokes this weekend. We are all a mess and this is what I did.

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 05/01/2026

If businesses replaced their “no loitering” signs” with ones that said “no dilly dallying” would that be less hostile but more charming or more hostile and not at all charming?

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Reposted by Elinor Jones

the Mountain Goats @themountaingoats.bsky.social · 14/12/2025

the good that you do persists in this world

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 14/12/2025

Okay I’ll bite what’s malort

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 09/12/2025

Hello, babies. I made you something 😘

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 08/12/2025

This I know you are but what am I ass bitch

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 04/12/2025

Cool move politically and also cool move because this picture makes it look like he’s doing karate

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 04/12/2025

Boys love it when girls put on Mazzy Star

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 30/11/2025

Do you reorganize the Christmas ornaments your child has put on the tree when they’re not paying attention or are you normal

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 28/11/2025

My daughter’s fennec fox stuffie uses they/them pronouns and she reminds me of this like I’m the dumbest person alive

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 25/11/2025

Happy “goddammit I left a tissue in my pocket when I washed my clothes” season to all who get the sniffles

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Reposted by Elinor Jones

The “check engine” light on your dashboard @aklingus.bsky.social · 25/11/2025

tfw you’re fucking the lasagna man for lasagna

•*•
Funny-Presence4228
LPT: How to win as a guest and make new friends at a raging, alcohol fuelled party
Food & Drink
I'm getting older now, and some of my friends' kids have recently started college. I've been reliably told that alcohol-fuelled parties are still happening, and I shared this advice about how to make new friends and be a hero. One of them took my advice, and now has a new girlfriend because of this.
The key to the following advice is an element of secrecy because the surprise makes it even better.
Arrive late and sneak Lasagna into the party. I mean, taking a large, catering-sized tray of lasagna, along with a stack of paper plates and forks, to a raging house party. I used to do this back in college. I'd make one, sometimes two, in the afternoon in big foil trays before goin to a party. Show up around 10.30pm, and slip them into the oven without asking permission telling anyone. Medium heat for 30 minutes to warm it up. Get my paper plates out, and shout: "Lasagna is ready" to a packed house of drunk people, and hand them all a fork. It's cheaper than bringing beer, no clean-up, and I got laid pretty often.
Important note: Make sure the person who owns the oven is the first in the line, and don't make a mess.
Maybe make one meat and one vegan or something... This last point was less of a concern back in my day, but we must move with the times.

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Reposted by Elinor Jones

Portland Mercury @portlandmercury.com · 24/11/2025

Line up, trash pandas! Your garbage can of gossip awaits in the latest hilarious edition of THE TRASH REPORT from @elinorjoneser.bsky.social. This week: Billie Eilish destroys Elon Musk, Zohran Mamdani charms the orange skin off Trump, and some palate-cleansing Beverly Hills 90210 news.

portlandmercury.com

THE TRASH REPORT: "No Thank You" to Many Garbage Men, "Yes Thank You" to the Trash Pandas

Hello, and welcome back to the Trash Report! Happy Thanksgiving week! Let me start this column with something I'm thankful for, which is that today's children's aren't fed a lot of horseshit about Pil...

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 22/11/2025

Dragging the recycling cans back and forth is so undignified. Where do you want them

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 17/11/2025

I don’t want to GET READY FOR BED I want to FIGURE OUT HOW TO NAVIGATE THE ZARA WEBSITE

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Reposted by Elinor Jones

Ken Tremendous @kentremendous.bsky.social · 15/11/2025

Every time I get a brain MRI scan the doc says “everything looks perfect, see you in three weeks”

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 15/11/2025

Asking “is THAT Frankenstein?” repeatedly while watching Frankenstein is funny to me but not to my partner. Who’s right?

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

Okay when I was clamoring to read the emails I did not realize they would be written like this

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Elinor Jones @elinorjoneser.bsky.social · 12/11/2025

Let’s, as the kids say, goooooooooo

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