мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 17hJoel McHale in a harness. This has been a public service announcement. 5692
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 22h𝘈𝘯𝘥 𝘪𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘮𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘐 𝘧𝘪𝘯𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭𝘪𝘻𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘭 𝘨𝘭𝘰𝘳𝘺 𝘩𝘢𝘥 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘯 𝘮𝘺 𝘰𝘸𝘯 𝘩𝘰𝘭𝘦 𝘢𝘭𝘭 𝘢𝘭𝘰𝘯𝘨. 7434
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Charge all 57 men who were in the Cornell group chat. 1315
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Someone is walking a baby pig on a leash through the West Loop at 11pm. I love this city. 1150
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 28/09/2026𝟥𝟫 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗌 𝖺𝗀𝗈 (𝖨 𝗐𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝗂𝗑!), 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗌𝖼𝖾𝗇𝖾 𝗄𝗂𝖼𝗄𝖾𝖽 𝗈𝖿𝖿 𝗆𝗒 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖲𝗍𝖺𝗋 𝖳𝗋𝖾𝗄. 𝖨 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝖺𝗅𝗅 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗌𝖾𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗌, 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖳𝖭𝖦 𝗂𝗌 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍’𝗌 𝖺𝗅𝗐𝖺𝗒𝗌 𝖿𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝗆𝗈𝗌𝗍 𝗅𝗂𝗄𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝖾. 𝖳𝗎𝗋𝗇𝗌 𝗈𝗎𝗍, 𝗌𝗂𝗑-𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋-𝗈𝗅𝖽 𝗆𝖾 𝗁𝖺𝖽 𝖾𝗑𝖼𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗍𝖺𝗌𝗍𝖾. 𝖫𝖾𝗍’𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝖾 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍’𝗌 𝗈𝗎𝗍 𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾... 🖖🏻 2242
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 28/09/2026Trying to explain to my dog that how he acts at the dog park is a direct reflection of me. 3311
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 27/09/2026Woke up to the sound of my dog squeaking his toy in the living room. Got up to tell him to knock it off and he’s literally asleep next to me. So that’s cool. Guess I’m awake now. 2320
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 26/09/2026— 𝘛𝘳𝘰𝘺𝘦 𝘚𝘪𝘷𝘢𝘯 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘯𝘥𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘺 4 𝘮𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘵𝘦𝘴 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘦 7 𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘦𝘴 𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘢 𝘔𝘢𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘯𝘢 𝘴𝘢𝘮𝘱𝘭𝘦 — 𝗚𝗮𝘆𝘀: 4262
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 25/09/2026I spend an embarrassing amount of time every morning explaining to my dog why I have to go to work. 4483641
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 23/09/2026My hidden talent is forgetting someone's name while I'm still shaking their hand. 3292
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 23/09/2026Share an image that shows how many years you've been online. 1121
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 23/09/2026I just read a throwaway line: “it does not take long to live a life.” It made me stop and put my Kindle down. There’s something about that sentence that feels bigger the longer you sit with it. 1162
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Chicago, do you smell that? That’s the unmistakable scent of gray sweatpants and bearded daddies. 5603
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 22/09/2026𝖥𝗂𝗇𝖺𝗅𝗅𝗒, 𝗆𝗒 𝗌𝖾𝖺𝗌𝗈𝗇 𝗂𝗌 𝗁𝖾𝗋𝖾! 𝖧𝖺𝗉𝗉𝗒 𝖿𝗂𝗋𝗌𝗍 𝖽𝖺𝗒 𝗈𝖿 𝖺𝗎𝗍𝗎𝗆𝗇, 𝖿𝗋𝗂𝖾𝗇𝖽𝗌. 5380
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 22/09/2026The best cure for insomnia is the TikTok account where a guy goes around trying Japanese food vending machines. *Also, I now want a 🍔tiktok.comGot a cheeseburger from a retro Japanese burger vending machine! 🍔 Warm, nostalgic, and totally worth the 60-second wait. ⏳✨ #retrojapan #vendingmachine #japanesefood #cheeseburger #japanvlog TikTok video by Japan Vending Machine Life 1120
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 22/09/2026Accidentally cut off a student driver. Welcome to the real world, bitch. 2412
Reposted by мɑгκgwen pepperoni 🏳️⚧️🤘🏼🍕 @gwenpepperoni.myatproto.social · 21/09/2026guy who asks for a hand job by saying his dick needs uppies 414226
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Instead of asking if I wanted a drink or hitting me with some disgusting pickup line, he asked if I wanted to go get pancakes. Swoon. 3460
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Happy "parents letting their child open-mouth cough on everything" season to all who celebrate. 2251
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 19/09/2026Churros have returned to Costco. This is not a drill. 0200
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 18/09/2026If Safari thinks my password is weak it should see my will to live. 1340
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 18/09/2026A moment for Duncan Sheik, folks. Here’s one that never left my playlist.m.youtube.comHalf-LifeYouTube video by Duncan Sheik - Topic 3304
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 18/09/2026When you’re tired of white people but you are a white people. 😩 4552
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 17/09/2026“I’m open to dating older men,” I say, in my 40s, referring to men my own age. 7551
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Googled my symptoms, and it turns out I just need to live like it’s the 1990s. 6230
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Life hack: You can stop at any point and say, “Well, that’s enough of that,” and completely change direction. 4345
Reposted by мɑгκChris Gallant @gallantny.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Let’s be clear about what this is: a coordinated political hit meant to drive me out of this race. I’m proud of who I am. I won’t be shamed into silence – and I won’t allow my private life to be distorted and weaponized against me. 1936563
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Chris Gallant has been a Black Hawk helicopter pilot, air traffic controller, union leader, and volunteer firefighter, and the worst Republicans can dig up are old nude photos with his then-partner? Grow up. Having a fantastic hog isn’t a crime… trust me. 😏 3250
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Hi, I’m Johnny Knoxville, and this is establishing healthy boundaries with my parents. 1271
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 11/09/2026𝟤𝟧 𝗒𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗌 𝗅𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗋, 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗆𝗈𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀 𝗂𝗌 𝗂𝗆𝗉𝗈𝗌𝗌𝗂𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝗍𝗈 𝖿𝗈𝗋𝗀𝖾𝗍. 𝖲𝗈 𝗂𝗌 𝖬𝖺𝗋𝗄 𝖡𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗁𝖺𝗆: 𝟨’𝟦”, 𝗋𝗎𝗀𝖻𝗒 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗒𝖾𝗋, 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝗎𝖽𝗅𝗒 𝗀𝖺𝗒, 𝖺𝖻𝗈𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝖥𝗅𝗂𝗀𝗁𝗍 𝟫𝟥. 𝖶𝗁𝖾𝗇 𝗍𝖾𝗋𝗋𝗈𝗋𝗂𝗌𝗍𝗌 𝗌𝖾𝗂𝗓𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝗉𝗅𝖺𝗇𝖾, 𝖬𝖺𝗋𝗄 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗈𝗍𝗁𝖾𝗋 𝗉𝖺𝗌𝗌𝖾𝗇𝗀𝖾𝗋𝗌 𝗋𝖺𝗇 𝗍𝗈𝗐𝖺𝗋𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝖼𝗄𝗉𝗂𝗍. 𝗧𝗼𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺. 𝖠𝗇𝖽 𝖻𝖾𝖼𝖺𝗎𝗌𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍 𝗎𝗇𝗂𝗆𝖺𝗀𝗂𝗇𝖺𝖻𝗅𝖾 𝖼𝗈𝗎𝗋𝖺𝗀𝖾, 𝖴𝗇𝗂𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝟫𝟥 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗋𝖾𝖺𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝖶𝖺𝗌𝗁𝗂𝗇𝗀𝗍𝗈𝗇. 2416
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 11/09/2026My neck. My back. (𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘶𝘦𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘴𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘩𝘶𝘳𝘵) 5432
мɑгκ @drumrollplease.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Blockbuster is going to reopen before the Strait of Hormuz does. 3599
