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Wizard Morty

@cyberleaf.bsky.social
92 followers 109 following 1.2K posts

For all the real Mort-heads

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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Waking up to the news 96% of my union voted to authorize a strike 🤌🤌🤌
Grillbert from Bo Jackson's Battle Arena busting a move
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
The 90s are comin' back baby
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Puzzle Book
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
Funniest movie moment of 2026, everyone else can give up
Nikki from Obsession frowning in a particular way
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Tired: brush with death Wired:
Theater sign that says Mortal Komb
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 07/05/2026
I am getting even more obnoxious about hockey
Puck rhymes with Duck, it just makes sense bro
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 01/05/2026
Scenes from Monty Python's "Upper-Class Twit Of The Year" sketch
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 17/04/2026
✨QUACK✨
Final score of Anaheim Ducks vs. Nashville Predators to end the season. 5-4 Ducks thanks to everyone's favorite thing, a very questionable penalty!
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 12/04/2026
Mushroom mommy?
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 29/03/2026
Sorry
Because maybe
You're gonna be the one that saves me
And after all
Shit on my dick and balls
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
This is who runs this account
Baby Morty crouching down to pet a fluffy cat and looking over his shoulder at the camera as if to say, "Yooo, come check out this cat."
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 24/01/2026
🫩
Wizard Morty post: "Painfully obvious that we are being led into war by a guy who just wants to have more fun being in charge of the military and thinks going to war is like booting up an extra exciting version of Call Of Duty"
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 03/01/2026
🫩
Wizard Morty post: Painfully obvious that we are being led into war by a guy who just wants to have more fun being in charge of the military and thinks going to war is like booting up an extra exciting version of Call Of Duty
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
General Halftrack of Beetle Bailey fame demonstrating how he became a general in the United States military
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
🫩
Wizard Morty post, December 2, 2025: We are living in a golden age of people making various secret lists of names and preferred methods in their heads
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
THE ANGEL OPENS HER EYES
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 05/11/2025
Kevin Bacon seconds away from getting slowly and intentionally crushed inside a car in a scene from the movie Maxxxine (2024)
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 19/10/2025
This flag was being held by a disabled woman who couldn't stand, so she made her flagpole about 11' tall
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 19/10/2025
Davis, CA. The march was about a mile long, long enough that the front of it ran into the back of it as it returned to the starting point
Many protestors holding signs and flags, a lone person dressed in red playing a drum in the center of them
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 05/10/2025
No they fucking didn't lmaooo
We asked 5 chefs the best way to make scrambled eggs—they all said the same thing
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 03/10/2025
It's not quite right to say this guy has small dick energy, but he's definitely got some kind of dick energy that's not ok. It's like...wilted dick energy
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 29/09/2025
Married suburban homeowners, a huge part of the Republican base, are in fact wine drinkers, not the beer-swilling rubes he's imagining. He's specifying "chardonnay" bc dumb assholes like him routinely make themselves sick ordering shrimp fettuccine and then popping a bottle of super Tuscan.
Indeed, the 2023 WMC study showed that 71% of American wine drinkers own a home, 60% are married, 53% live in the suburbs and 36% have children under the age of 18 living at home.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 29/09/2025
Anyone who doesn't remember what these protests were like is either lying or thinks this was good policing
Nearly 20 police officers in riot gear surround an elderly man that they have shoved to the ground with no provocation. Blood is spilling from the man's ears because his skull was fractured when it hit the ground. A news chyron reads, "Officers suspended after shoving 75-year-old to the ground"
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 05/09/2025
Wizard Morty post: "I'm not sure what kind of history this guy had before becoming Speaker but more than anyone else it seems like we've been watching his soul get irrevocably corrupted in real time. Real denied entry at the pearly gates stuff."
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 29/08/2025
They should make a videogame where you can go on your phone and check out Nextdoor to get sidequests
Person 1: has anyone ever encountered a naked man standing in the bushes at the arboretum about a mile in?

Person 2: I've heard reports every few years about a naked man in the arboretum but I've (luckily) not encountered him
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 19/08/2025
Coming home to a peaceful, empty house after a long day driving in 90F heat only to learn the evening Brewers game got rained out
A sad little boy in a shirt decorated tastefully with embroidered flowers. He is really sad about something. His hands are balled up in little fists and everything.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 06/08/2025
Wondering if you saw this?
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 31/07/2025
Wizard Morty post from the past: "Maybe this is just cope but given Trump's history it's reasonable to expect the huge ICE budget will lead to a bunch of half-built facilities, disastrous recruiting, and a LOT of fraud and theft by foreign actors. Still bad, but always remember these people are morons who can't accomplish anything.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
Not exactly the face of someone who wants to continue
Kevin Hassett looking very distinctly like he's ready to take some action
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 30/07/2025
Just arrived today, what a beautiful man
Brandon Woodruff 2018 Topps Heritage Real One Blue Ink RC Auto baseball card showing Big Woo in fine form
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 16/07/2025
Fun TCW fact: this guy is quoted in the A La Mere de Famille cookbook as saying his favorite memory is "The time I tasted all the flavors in the store. It was impossible to eat anything else for the rest of the day." Not really any reason to tell such an obvious lie but oh well.
Interior of La Mere de Famille, nearly overflowing with myriad candies and chocolates
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 13/07/2025
Yeahhh buddy
Wizard Morty looking handsome wearing a long-sleeved T-shirt from Carly Rae Jepsen's 2022 "So Nice" tour
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 10/07/2025
I coincidentally recently unearthed these sandwich ideas in my Google docs from a kitchen brainstorm session years ago. My gift to you lol (reposted w/alt text)
HOME HONEY
Honey mustard
Carrot slaw
Roast Turkey
Peperoncinis

SIESTA
Green chili
Cornmeal crusted tostones
Carnitas
Queso anejo

SMOKE BREAK
Dark rye bread
Smoked pepper beef
Smoked cheddar
Pickled green bell peps
Garlic horseradish

MORNING CROW
Smoked chicken
Herb-roasted tomatoes
Goat cheese
Fried egg
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 06/07/2025
Pretty minor point but in addition to the racism and fascism I think this guy looks like his dick stinks.
Photo of Curtis Yarvin, whose cock is likely a complete disaster, revolting to both man and beast
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 24/06/2025
Tweet from rapper Ice-T: Sometimes a Player has to just sit back and say...Wow.... (black & white photo of Ice-T wearing a suit, sunglasses, and a fedora with a silly little feather in it. His hands are clasped together and he has an incredulous smile on his face as if to say, "Wow..."
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 23/06/2025
Talking about "the simulation" breaking down is stupid but I will allow it just this one time
Tyrese Haliburton, Jayson Tatum, & Damian Lillard all tore their Achilles in the same playoffs & all wear No. 0 (photos of each player)
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 12/06/2025
My band is officially releasing our new EP this Saturday but it's already available to stream pretty much everywhere. I wrote these songs, so give it a shot if you want more Morty!
The Drowned Man EP by The Wizard Collective
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 01/05/2025
The meat packing stuff in The Jungle is obviously horrific, but to me this is the most haunting part. We're not very far away from this.
Half invalid as she was, Ona would do herself harm by walking in the rain and cold when she ought to have ridden; they bought literally nothing but food--and still they could not keep alive on fifty dollars a month. They might have done it, if only they could have gotten pure food, and at fair prices; or if only they had known what to get--if they had not been so pitifully ignorant! But they had come to a new country, where everything was different, including the food. They had always been accustomed to eat a great deal of smoked sausage, and how could they know that what they bought in America was not the same--that its color was made by chemicals, and its smoky flavor by more chemicals, and that it was full of "potato flour" besides? Potato flour is the waste of potato after the starch and alcohol have been extracted; it has no more food value than so much wood, and as its use as a food adulterant is a penal offense in Europe, thousands of tons of it are shipped to America every year. It was amazing what quantities of food such as this were needed every day, by eleven hungry persons. A dollar sixty-five a day was simply not enough to feed them, and there was no use trying; and so each week they made an inroad upon the pitiful little bank account that Ona had begun. Because the account was in her name, it was possible for her to keep this a secret from her husband, and to keep the heartsickness of it for her own.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 25/03/2025
Me in the national security team group chat
Sasquatch holding a live turtle like a telephone, or a turtlephone
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 17/03/2025
Today's absolutely terrible NYT Strands puzzle led me to this even more terrible attempt by Google's AI to explain the theme
AI Overview: A spoonerism is a speech error where the initial sounds or letters of two words are accidentally switched, like saying "FAGGY BONE" INSTEAD OF "FUNNY BONE."
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 13/03/2025
Hm I wonder if this is tr—oh nevermind
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 13/03/2025
This man was imprisoned and starved inside a house for decades, leaving him to decide whether to help his stepmother maintain her lifestyle or try to escape and be blamed for committing arson.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 27/02/2025
Old man yells at coward
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 21/02/2025
It's goin down this weekend boi
Screenshot of Peacock app featuring the extended cut of Nosferatu, a powerful movie about how hard it is to date during a pandemic
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 10/02/2025
Tbh it is funny that this guy just plainly looks high as a kite in every photo now, not a single day of downtime. Remember to drink water, dude.
Close-up of Elon Musk with huge black button eyes like the Other Mother from Coraline
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 09/02/2025
History marches on, one step at a time
EM: General, you must understand that I am the alpha in this country. When I tell you to open fire, you must comply or risk consequences you cannot even imagine. Do you understand?

General Gregory M. Guillot, secretly gesturing to four armed men behind his back: Yes, sir. Understood, sir.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 16/01/2025
This dude turned on big-head mode
NextDoor post: This man stole my son's e-bike while he was working as a cashier at the [redacted]. If anyone has any information on him please let me know. It's my son's only form of transportation.
Photo shows a man wearing a black T-shirt and light blue jeans riding a tricycle with a cargo crate on the back. He appears to have tiny legs like a Corgi and a huge bulbous head.
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 10/01/2025
Cooking up a new insane conspiracy theory for 2025 centered around Luigi being slain in Dracula's castle in the Smash Bros intro
Luigi Mario's ghost looking upon his recently vacated corpse in the dark halls of Dracula's castle
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 28/12/2024
Seeing this pseudo-atticle about plastic chemicals being shared today, but noticed it didn't say anything useful, just blasting out relative chemical levels with no context, so I clicked through and found this disclaimer. Media literacy! sfstandard.com/2024/12/28/b...
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Wizard Morty @cyberleaf.bsky.social · 01/12/2024
Need her so bad
Screenshot from a mobile game: A very cute and chill snail enjoying a rainshower. Text reads "Lucky Snail: Feel the beauty of slowness"
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