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Crooked Mustache

@crookedmustache.bsky.social
334 followers 355 following 1.2K posts

Kyphosis

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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
A fart is an empty-handed poop
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Schooley @schooley.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Seems fundamentally unfair that men whose most honed skill is golfing with clients make so much more money than these guys.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
The cure for everything is simply caffeine and I hate it
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
Wondering what the first guy to say “your ass is grass!” actually had in mind.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 24/09/2026
Abraham Lincoln with corn rows
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David Berman Bot @davidbermanbot.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Now, there's a lot of things that I'm gonna miss Like thunder down country and the way water drips
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
Searching for the perfect spot to lay dung
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
All my life’s memories have become Liberty Mutual commercials
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The Bricked Up Homie @prefectbeanis.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
Farting low key slaps!
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
When people see squirrels, they think that they’re frolicking and playing. They are not. They are fighting for their damn lives.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Jonas Brothers letter jacket
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Hardee’s has a new prime rib burger
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Andrew Lawrence @ndrew.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
john fetterman is simply an asshole. republicans like him because hes an asshole as that is the closest thing to an ideological cornerstone as exists in modern american republican politics
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
I was downwind of a heavily perfumed hug and for a split second I felt the warmth of it
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 30/08/2026
Flat-footed with diarrhea, I’m going to roll down this hill and come to rest at the bottom
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Garfield…but with boobs
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Dan of the Year @downwithdan.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
"are you coming to work today?"
A roasty toasty body on a bed with someone standing over it. It's from a 70s horror movie but I can't think of the name
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
Practicing loading my Power Ray
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 05/08/2026
Thinking of applying for a job at the Moon Factory
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Hands-free booger evacuation
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
Thinking about buying some SpaceX stock. How’s it doing?
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
My life goal is to never get bitten by a flying insect
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VƎX Werewolf @vexwerewolf.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
"Trans people require lifelong medical care" Everyone requires lifelong medical care you fucking dipshit
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Nice try LerBon
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
Living life surrounded by beautiful women through the internet
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 17/07/2026
Pretty rad that the old guy in suspenders who got flipped by a bison pulled off a Christ Air in the process.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
A sign
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Instead of flying as a superpower I would prefer to be able to swim through the ground
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Reposted by Crooked Mustache
David Berman Bot @davidbermanbot.bsky.social · 04/07/2026
What kind of animal Needs to smoke a cigarette? Grass in the pasture Is sharper than a bayonette Sometimes a pony Sometimes a pony Sometimes a pony gets depressed
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 03/07/2026
If Donald Trump thinks he’s so smart I think he should take the ACT and share his results.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 01/07/2026
Hitting refresh every 30 seconds during this LeBron Sweepstakes
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David Berman Bot @davidbermanbot.bsky.social · 30/06/2026
Drawn up all my findings And I warn you they are candid
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 26/06/2026
Moped Music
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 25/06/2026
I think I could get Wemby to fall for one of my pump fakes
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
Thinking about a can or bottle of ice cold beer and smiling
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David Berman Bot @davidbermanbot.bsky.social · 24/06/2026
In 1984, I was hospitalized for approaching perfection Slowly screwing my way across Europe, they had to make a correction Broken and smokin' where the infrared deer plunge in the digital snake I tell you, they make it so you can't shake hands when they make your hands shake
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 18/06/2026
I just found out Elton John has a brother, Elton Jim.
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 17/06/2026
The concept behind “Boss Baby” blows my mind
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 14/06/2026
Imagine if you had two buttholes and they could harmonize when you fart
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
Starting a collection of second-hand leather 8-ball letter jackets
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 09/06/2026
We wouldn’t exist if it wasn’t for explosive ejaculations
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Reposted by Crooked Mustache
Thor Benson @thorbenson.bsky.social · 08/06/2026
Every other country: We've got a new EV. It's $12. Have fun! America: Here's a truck that's 14 feet tall and costs $120,000. It gets 4 miles per gallon
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 04/06/2026
When I mow the lawn I listen to Nine Inch Nails
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 02/06/2026
MC 2 Burculosis
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 29/05/2026
I wake up each morning, knowing that I’m going to see at least 100 liberty mutual ass. Yet I keep waking up.
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Reposted by Crooked Mustache
David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · 26/05/2026
For far too long, this country has been governed by people who were either unable or simply unwilling to post brief videos of themselves being bitten multiple times by snakes that they had just picked up for some reason,
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 24/05/2026
Thinking about ice cold beer
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 22/05/2026
Aye Eye
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 21/05/2026
We’re married, me to a human, him to a bird
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Crooked Mustache @crookedmustache.bsky.social · 16/05/2026
Fuck Wemby and his emotions. If he can’t handle being boxed out he shouldn’t be in the league.
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