iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

In 2001/2, my pals and I put a pound into the Pennan phone box, the one from Local Hero, & dialled a random number. We woke some poor guy in America at daft o'clock in the morning, and spoke absolute shite to him for ages. If you're reading - sorry, dude.

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I once had such bad piles that when one ruptured I had to use one of my wife's tampons to staunch the flow. Tbf the doc at A&E was impressed with my ingenuity.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 21h

Pretty horrible breakup with an ex almost five years ago. No contact apart from I still listen to our Spotify blend. Much better music taste than my current partner

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To the French man on a boat on the River Seine in 1989, I apologise for vomiting in your hood. I hope you discovered it before you put your hood up.

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Anon Opin @anonopin.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

The internet has become a place where depressed people scream at each other about things none of them understand the first thing about.

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Anon Opin @anonopin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

The biggest con they ever pulled was convincing gullible idiots that pensions should be gambled. "Capital at risk" my arse. Pensions should be guaranteed under all circumstances. Otherwise, what's the fucking point?

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Anon Opin @anonopin.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

When covering a Bob Dylan song, there is absolutely no need to try and emulate his voice. That nasally whine is the worst part about any Dylan song.

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When I was younger my ear wax tasted disgusting, now it is tastier than my bogeys. An unexpected bonus of the aging process.

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Needed to put up a shelf and instead of asking hubby I tried to do it myself with YouTube. Went to the shed to pick up the spirit level I've seen him use, and the shed has twelve loaves of pumpernickel bread and a toaster. And this is how I find out he's a bread fetishist.

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I have a selection of different colour Play-Doh in my desk drawer at work that I say is for the students at the school where I work. It isn't. The stuff smells incredible and I don't let anyone touch it. I regularly snort it between classes when nobody is looking.

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At university I got taken aside by a lecturer who apologised for losing my project week assignment. Luckily they gave me 85%, an average of the previous scores. That was great - as I had spent the week doing vodka shot promotions to 'win' t-shirts at the students union bar.

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I worked on Blackpool pier in the 90's on the bust a balloon with a dart stall. Very rarely did anyone win because we used lightweight darts with the tip's blunted and the balloons only blown up a 3rd. Now you know why you didn't win.

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Mortuary technician here. Often take a nap at work by lying on a gurney and covering myself with a sheet. Haven't been accidentally autopsied yet, but have scared the newbie half to death when I started snoring

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Been a carpenter for 28 years, when I get a new tool I introduce it to my others and tell them to play nice, no bullying in my van.

Fesshole GOLD from 13th June 2021

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Fell into a tangle of hawthorn and brambles as teenager because I wasn't looking where I was going. Took an age to get out. Long enough for someone to see my struggle and mistake me for a paralytic drunk and, for some reason, beat me with their brolly.

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I'm a self employed cleaner, I hate my job. Some of the clients don't understand that the lists of jobs they want me to do in two hours is unreasonable. So if one of those clients isn't home, I take a shower and use their expensive products on their time.

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Someone I know was given a short prison sentence. I asked to visit them, not because I like them or wanted to show support, but because I heard a high profile celebrity was in the same prison and I might catch a glimpse.

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I once didn't hire someone called Caroline, who was probably the most qualified and seemed like a good fit for the team, because my boss kept singing her name "Caroli-i-i-i-i-i-ine" like the Fleetwood Mac song and he was getting on my tits. I hope you found a better employer.

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Fed up with the kids entering 6th form - means I can't work from home and use my VR headset for virtual reality porn.

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Selected a plumber online because he looked amazingly handsome on his website. He turned up on time, was friendly and professional, did a great job... and gave me a discount for taking an extra hour. I now feel incredibly shallow, and possibly in love.

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I'm half-British and half-Thai. A random right-winger verbally racially abused me in the street for no reason at all. That same man was in my A&E ward a couple of days later due to a cardiac arrest. I was the doctor who saved him. There's a moral in that story somewhere.

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Whenever I dish up spaghetti bolognaise, I always give myself a secret layer of cheese on top of the pasta BEFORE the sauce goes on top. Then I put a normal amount on the top so my family think I'm a normal person and not a greedy cunt.

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I absolutely adore my wife however she insists on answering the phone to both her mother and adult daughter, regardless of where are or what we are doing, multiple times a day. How do I address this without ruining my marriage?

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I have both a cat and a dog. I let the doggo stay in the room when I am nude, but the bastard cat looked at me very jugdemetally once and that's it, he's not seeing me without clothes again.

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My window cleaner is so insanely hot I've encouraged my toddler to be fascinated by the window cleaning process so I can carry them from room to room watching him clean. It's really just so I can look at the beautiful man myself. It's my favourite day of the month.

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Pro cyclist here who grew up in abject poverty as an only child. When I started cycling seriously in my teens I needed extra calories mom couldn't afford. I used to go to the local food bank and pretend I had three siblings. They knew and never said a word. They were true saints.

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I'm in my mid-40s and there are three or four fairly entertaining stories of mine that I am no longer convinced actually happened. I've been telling them for so long that I can't remember if they're entirely true, exaggerations, or 100% made up.

Fesshole GOLD from 14th June 2021

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The dog keeps leaving the new doggy toys I bought him in the garden. Which is annoying because one of them looks alarmingly like a sex toy.

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I work in an academic research lab. People who wear lab coats over shorts look like they're not wearing trousers or anything else underneath. But I have no sway to change the lab attire requirement so I post here instead.

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We'd been learning about ancient Greek myths in primary school. My grandfather died and was laid out before burying. I wanted to make sure he had a coin to pay the ferryman but didn't even have a ha'penny so I put a chocolate button on each of his eyes.

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A slug lives in our kitchen. We tried taking him outside but he kept coming back so we gave up and have accepted him as one of our own. His name is Steve.

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Reached the end of a PCP with £8k negative equity. Hid an AirTag in the trim, handed car back to finance company. Tracked the car to a dealer and bought it at the market price. Saved £7k and they washed and cleaned the car.

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Found an old contact mag in a house clearance I did. One of the adverts intrigued me, so I called the number on the off chance that they still lived there. Turns out they did and I went round and we had a great time, despite them being 30 years on from posting the ad.

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Hotdesking first come-first served office. Except for the bumptious arrogant unfunny arse who always sat at the "best" desk. Until I started taking an earlier train to get there before him. The first time, he went puce with rage, but couldn't say anything. Glorious.

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Everytime we put the house up for sale, we see the sales photos and information, realise how much we love our house and take it off the market. We're on our 7th Estate agent in 15 years; I love to go through the old details and see how much the place has changed.

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Had some long running sickness and diarrhea, spent alot of time having NHS tests, finally sussed it out when we also had unusual amounts of food going off in the fridge and getting refunds. It struggled to get down to 10deg. New fridge, much better! Sorry NHS and Sainsbury's.

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fesshole 🧻 @fesshole.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

My wife wanted a vacuum cleaner for her birthday so I made her state it loudly in front of a family gathering where her two horrible sisters were present, lest they poison my marriage with "He bought you an unromantic vacuum cleaner". Made two enemies. Worth it.

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My teenage son got snarky about me getting his very similar but not identical socks paired up. So until he left home, I made damn sure he never had a matching pair again. It's like he didn't even know me.

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I bought my 78 year old mum a Kindle to help get her through lockdown, linked it to my Amazon Prime account, and told her to download whatever she wanted. Since then she's been downloading two or three filthy books a week. She doesn't know I know and I'm keeping my mouth shut.

Fesshole GOLD from 12th June 2021

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Wife and kids were away. I decided to hire two prostitutes. They ended up fighting with each other and the police were called. Everyone found out. I had to go to the magistrates and my name was printed in the local paper. Forty years later, I still shudder at my stupidity.

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