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Chris Brain

@chrisbrain.bsky.social
126 followers 172 following 1.6K posts

Comedian: Least successful winner of the Billy T Award. The Hardliest Working Man In Showbiz. Huge ego. Low self-esteem.

PostsRepliesMedia
Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I'm so embarrassed. It was camembert.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Knowing it was 110g of brie I just ate doesn't make me feel better about eating 110g of brie. I tore it apart with my bare hands. Like a caveman.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
When you live alone and have no sense of smell every day is an exciting new episode of "I Think This Is Probably Still OK To Eat."
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I just listented to "Down In A Hole", "Golden Brown" and "She Talks To Angels" in a row and I'm pretty sure Spotify is being a prick.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
And I think so would she.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I'm not proud, but I'd pay to see Gal Gadot sing "Imagine" to open for Ed Sheeran.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
The Revolution Will Not Be Included In Your Algorithm.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I know people think I know more than I actually know.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I don't use A.I. but I am a big fan of Imposter Syndrome Intelligence.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
If I were a tatted ranga I'd stay inside today.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
Just watched the video for Justin Timberlake's "Rock Your Body" for the first time since I accidentally snorted a candy flip. Freaked me out all over again.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
I did a good deed yesterday. So great to get it out of the way with still more than 3 months to go in the year.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Thank you in advance. Also, I'm really sorry in advance. & I appreciate your understanding, in advance.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
And now I feel really bad about buying the Krav Maga instruction book at the Thrift Shop.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
Death by A.I. Artificial Intelligence is still preferable to death by Eyes Wide Shut and the end bit of Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
If owls are so wise how come I saw one buying a Lotto ticket?
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
I'm so over the Auckland CRL* *driving down Albert St
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
The Earth travels approximately 107000 km/hr so Marty McFly would have ended up in empty space about 28,119,600000 kilometers from Hill Valley.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
3 Hail Mary's and a dollop of whipped cream.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Pancakes for dinner shame is one of the easier shames to deal with.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 12/09/2026
Most of my browser history is "How do I delete my browser history?"
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Bosch wasn't Hieronymus' surname. It's just what he said every time he finished a picture.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
People who refer to testosterone as T are total Cs.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
It's only a matter of time.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
I talk to my Basil Brush nightlight. I can't forget to feed him.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Now that I live alone I narrate the first 5-10 minutes of my day so I don't get to 6pm and think "Did I use my voice at all today?" #SadLifeHack
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
AMCD: Chelsea Wolfe, The Dark youtu.be/QrqTW01HTas?...
youtu.be
Chelsea Wolfe - Cold (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by CHELSEA WOLFE
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Trump offered Septics $5000 each to vote for the Republicans. I challenge Luxo to offer us all a $100 Warehouse gift card.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
My new hobby is coveting 87% of everything on the IKEA website.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
... And the next 23 Days trying to assemble it.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
If the path to happiness is to be satifyed with what you have and not what you want, God sholdn't have spent the 8th day making IKEA!
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I can still kinda bake a cake after 18 months. It's ugly, but it's cake!
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 09/09/2026
I know exactly where I was on 9/11. I never forget get out of bed before quarter past 11am.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Not as much of a "fun" fact if you're living with me.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Here's a fun fact about me I never realised: When I'm not in the throse of debilitating addiction I can flirt with a touch of the anal-retention.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Yes, of course it's a Kiwi caddy!
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
AMCD: Phoebe Bridgers, Lost Weekend youtu.be/4KXnboPN1p4?...
youtu.be
Phoebe Bridgers - Lost Boys (Official Video)
YouTube video by PhoebeBridgersVEVO
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
I use a pill caddy because I'm the Tiger Woods of taking prescription drugs.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
AMCD: Weezer, Weezer (Gold Album) youtu.be/F0N5Kg3FmtI?...
youtu.be
Weezer - C.E.O. (Official Music Video)
YouTube video by weezer
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
These days I'm seeing ubiquitous everywhere.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
AMCD: Mastodon, Marrow Deep youtu.be/3PQx9KUH5RQ?...
youtu.be
Mastodon - In The Ruins (Official Video)
YouTube video by Mastodon
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Practice Makes Proficient
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I would eat that even if it was human. Only a free range human, but.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Some days make it almost impossible to ignore how good I have it. Today was one of those days.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
New "Just For Dictators." Only your fascist barber will know.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
Q: How can you tell I've just spent 48 hours with family in Christchurch? A: I just Spray & Wiped my hot water cylinder.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Any sandwich with tomato in it was a winner with me for that very reason. The white trash tenderiser.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Of course we never had avocado money growing up.
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Yesterday I made a sandwich too many so this morning I get to enjoy a cling filmed, cold, slightly soggy sarnie for breakfast. Feeling like I'm back in primary school for 8 precious minutes is the best father's day present ever!
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Chris Brain @chrisbrain.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
I've said it before, but this is the last fucking time; I'm a people pleaser, you utter cunt!
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