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Carl Maxim

@carlmaxim.bsky.social
836 followers 1K following 633 posts

I don't have time for a fourth dimension.

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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Reminder never to look at the rain directly as it may cause permanent damage to your expectations.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 17/08/2026
Reminder never to look at the rain directly as it may cause permanent damage to your expectations.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
If you suffer from a lack of empathy then I feel for you.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 01/02/2026
Tried microdosing LSD and thought I could fly, but only very short distances.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
BBC plan to overhaul headline writing system will cut Bluesky complaints by 50bn.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
According to the expert on the left, it's more walkies and more treats.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
My phone is also set to receive 'Credible Threat' Alerts in which Nigel Farage makes a ludicrous claim, then a few minutes later the police send another alert denying it ever happened.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 16/08/2026
Quite right. A lot of these people claiming money from the state are secretly taking cash on the side from crypto billionaires. news.sky.com/story/politi...
news.sky.com
Politics latest: Reform attack welfare system - and propose £50bn of cuts
Up to three million people could see disability and sickness payments withdrawn or modified, in what Reform have described as the biggest shake-up in a generation. Catch up below.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I have now turned off Emergency Alerts, but I will be keeping Existential Alerts to warn me of any imminent threat to my sense of meaning in the world.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 15/08/2026
For just £8.99 a month they get access to a prime suspect. metro.co.uk/video/police...
metro.co.uk
Police chase Amazon van thief at 100mph before dramatic crash and arrest
The 25-year-old was held after officers pursued the van from Wigan, through Bolton and into Chorley, Lancashire, where the van crashed into pedestrian barriers and a stationary vehicle, at traffic lig...
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
This week has seen the most use of the phrase 'since records began' since records began.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
My phone is also set to receive 'Credible Threat' Alerts in which Nigel Farage makes a ludicrous claim, then a few minutes later the police send another alert denying it ever happened.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I have now turned off Emergency Alerts, but I will be keeping Existential Alerts to warn me of any imminent threat to my sense of meaning in the world.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Ash @queerash.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
going outside and banging disposable BBQs together to show support for our national fire service ✊😔
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
From now on it's an Emergency Alert every time Andy does a TikTok.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
I was just innocently playing with some matches when the emergency alert startled me and I dropped them next to my collection of poorly contained flammable liquids. All I'm saying is: it wasn't my fault.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 22/10/2023
Picked up a book on the domino theory, and all the other books in the shop toppled over.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
This week has seen the most use of the phrase 'since records began' since records began.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 07/12/2025
I downloaded a dating app called Henge, and now I'm going out with a druid.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Traditional swing analysis suggests that the swing of a bin tends to go one way but then it invariably swings back.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Paul Litchfield @paullitchfield.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Having successfully beaten a bin Farage will now go on to the next round where he will go head to head with a portaloo.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Oh, that's what he meant by 'credible threat'. www.bbc.co.uk/news/live/c5...
bbc.co.uk
Parliamentary investigation resumes into Nigel Farage hours after he wins Clacton by-election - live updates
The Reform UK leader won the contest, which was boycotted by major political parties, but didn't attend the declaration.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Matt Leys @mattleys.bsky.social · 14/08/2026
Me when my posts get 0 likes
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Is it a bad sign if you can't read the article? www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...
bbc.co.uk
Eclipse warning: All the key signs you may have damaged your eyes
Symptoms after looking at the sun without eclipse glasses can include blurred vision
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 15/01/2026
Rushing off to a lecture about the nature of causality. It's just one thing after another.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
If you are wondering what to do after your exams, get a move on - your exams were decades ago.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 31/01/2026
Adopted a rescue box from Schrödinger's Cats Home.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
I have to say, today's eclipse has been a real disappointment.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Next week he will be rejecting a diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
If you are wondering what to do after your exams, get a move on - your exams were decades ago.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
My membership of the Groucho Marx Fan Club has just been accepted, so, in accordance with their rules, I must now refuse to join.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 11/07/2025
It sounds counter-intuitive but apparently the best way to stay cool in really hot weather is to close all the windows, draw the curtains, turn on the central heating and set fire to yourself.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Good luck to everyone on Bluesky getting their A Level results 20 or 30 years ago today.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
And if you missed the eclipse it is now available on sky +1.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
This is just Mother Nature's way of making us take a moment out of our busy lives to pause and reflect upon the true meaning and significance of colanders.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
The gods aren't angry, they are just 90 to 96% disappointed.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Reminder: never gaze directly into the abyss; it may cause permanent damage if the abyss gazes back into you. Always wear protective rose-tinted spectacles or, failing that, gaze into a colander instead.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
David Quantick @quantick.bsky.social · 07/02/2026
I DON'T KNOW BUT I'VE BEEN TOLD HER HUSBAND'S TOILET'S MADE OF GOLD.'
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
Current political coverage.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
Farage says, "this is far bigger than the Profumo Scandal..." Well he would, wouldn't he?
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
I can't believe he lied to the vetting committee. How can they be expected to deal with that sort of thing?
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
Penis-gait? No, it's just the way I walk.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
They keep saying 'his days are numbered', but that's true of anyone who owns a calendar.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
I am officially calling for a vote of no confidence in the current version of reality.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
MꙬse Allain @mooseallain.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
If you want to know what’s going on in the oceans, check out their seashell media.
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Reposted by Carl Maxim
Bethany Black @bethanyblack.bsky.social · 04/02/2026
Education in the US is so underfunded they can only afford a single math
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
Latest developments from the sinking ship.
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Carl Maxim @carlmaxim.bsky.social · 05/02/2026
Current political coverage.
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