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Call Me The Brie-ze

@briesmith.xyz
4.3K followers 1K following 100K posts

The Internet's foremost Rory Gilmore hater. Still the Ray Kroc Professor of Cheeseburger Sciences, Hamburger University. Kentucky Colonel. She/her. #bbn Shirts and more! www.teepublic.com/user/wondershout Signal:@quietude38.04

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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 1h
Ma’am we’re not even going to comment on grays
Brie in an exam room
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 21h
I’m starting to get concerned that this isn’t just a zit on my shoulder It hurts like hell just sitting here
A picture of whatever the hell is happening on the back of Brie’s left shoulder
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 06/10/2026
“In Abdul El Sayed’s socialist paradise, you’ll send your son off to elementary school and he’ll come home looking like this.”
A filthy disgusting transgender that should horrify all decent biological men and women.
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 06/10/2026
Gavilán Rayna Russom playing with LCD Soundsystem
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 06/10/2026
Subs, huh? You like what you see?
A sub platter
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 06/10/2026
This is the only Gex I acknowledge
Gex 3: Deep Cover Gecko
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 05/10/2026
Don’t even have to leave the U.S. sometimes
A Chinese restaurant menu advertising “frank steak”
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 05/10/2026
Take a good look at this, people. It says something about this woman. It says that I will fight, and I will keep on fighting, until I can’t fight any more! You don’t just throw something like this away.
Three empty vials of estradiol valerate all in a row
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 05/10/2026
Look at this bill!
The bill for “Velocity Festival”
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 05/10/2026
I tried not being awful to trans women online
You mean being transphobic is bad?
You think all these hot trans women are with me for no reason?
© Explosm.net
0286
Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 04/10/2026
I limited myself to one per artist
A 9x9 grid of LCD Soundsystem's "Sound of Silver", Metallica's "S&M", Phantogram's "Three", Alice In Chains' "MTV Unplugged", R.E.M.'s "Out Of Time", Barenaked Ladies' "Maybe You Should Drive", Spoon's "Girls Can Tell", Alanis Morissette's "Jagged Little Pill" and Linkin Park's "Hybrid Theory"
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 04/10/2026
I did a thing
52 weeks, 0 days, 0 hours and 36 minutes of sobriety
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 03/10/2026
Quadruple bingo, what do I win
Teenage girl dysphoria bingo card
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 03/10/2026
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 03/10/2026
Today 8:58 PM
5-1 michigan
student section has started chanting the song from the reese's puffs commercial because BGSU's colors are brown and orange
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 03/10/2026
Here’s a satellite photo showing roughly where the pond, ditch and field were, for convenience
A diagram of the story
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 02/10/2026
Try estrogen.
Grumpy, sad, bearded Brie in her Charlie Conway Mighty Ducks jersey Brie as she looks right now
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Case in point
Me, now that my team is taking on the Pope's team in the ALDS

And then a painting of Martin Luther nailing up the 95 Theses
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
A couple in here I don’t recognize
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Batch #1
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Friend, I am a trans woman, of course I watch pro NES Tetris. I watch Classic Tetris Monthly on Twitch.
send me anonymous messages.
Are you interested in the obscure sports they have on ESPN OCHO like
Tetris, Excel
Spreadsheets contest, Air guitar, auctioneer contest, mullet contest, etc?
020
Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
If it’s a rival? Fair game. Your own, or a neutral? Mean-spirited.
send me anonymous messages!
Is it fair or foul to critique a college football mascots pushup form/technique
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Oh now this is a fascinating question I don’t even know if I can answer it off the top of my head. May have to think about this one.
send me anonymous messages!
Who gave the best speech youve ever seen/ heard in person?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
The hell is this question? I could not give a rat’s ass about the American flag flying over fucking Greenland and I can’t imagine anyone else in full possession of their faculties doing so either
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Do u think it would be cool if the USA acquired Greenland in a peaceful, amicable, non violent manner?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Oh, Rocky IV, no question. Love that movie.
send me anonymous messages!
Supernatural forces converge and you are compelled to watch one and only one Rocky movie immediately in order to save the
universe. Your choice which one. Which one are you watching?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
The Wings did not fire him, Chris Ilitch did, because Chris Ilitch is a fucking dipshit failson Seriously, at this point I’m not even sure if I want to be mad at Larkin
send me anonymous messages!
How many team presidents could you have hired since the wings fired yzerman
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
I would, because additional lore drop time: my grandmother was born there
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Would you last a quarter in ypsilanti?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Ooh, lore drop time It’s actually the reason I’m in Michigan! I used to cover the Michigan Legislature for what billed itself as Michigan’s largest online news source, specifically education and courts
send me anonymous messages!
why do you know so much about state legislatures?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
There can be only one possible answer to this question: Christian. Fucking. Laettner.
send me anonymous messages!
Who is your most-hated athlete of all time?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
“Dracula” by Tame Impala
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Best Halloween song?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Can I be vulnerable and honest here? I was never really a Pokémon person as a kid, so my answer here is the distressingly basic Pikachu
send me anonymous messages!
What is your
favorite Pokémon?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Just turned off the Pope’s Men and the hated Astros for AEW, but so far the vibe has been “drunk as hell”
send me anonymous messages!
How's the baseball going?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Best DC media that isn’t made by Chris Nolan. Kyle Chandler was a head-scratcher as Hal Jordan for me before the show started, now I want more of him in the role.
send me anonymous messages!
Thoughts about Lanterns?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
I know exactly what you mean. Think we’re all just marking time until Nov. 3 to at least have an idea of whether or not we can start to breathe a bit. You gotta find ways to give yourself a break, though
send me anonymous messages!
Everything just feels totally tenuous right now. The weather doesn't help
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
Mercifully I dodged having to go to Vegas in a couple of weeks for a show I’m sure we’ll be headed to Louisville around Thanksgiving, depending on Link’s schedule. Otherwise… have you see gas prices?
send me anonymous messages!
Any trips coming up?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 01/10/2026
I don’t read as much as I would like to because I have a full-time job and kids in school, but I am usually down for most things. Trans fiction? @emoria.bsky.social’s Aftertaste General: Inspired by Rachel Held Evans
send me anonymous messages!
What do you like to read? Favorite trans and favorite non-trans related thing you read recently?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 30/09/2026
There are so many things that bother me about this
An outline of… mostly the United States?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 30/09/2026
If you see this, post a vampire that isn’t Dracula
Count Duckula
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 27/09/2026
Fuck cancer.
As I watched from her side Connie quietly and peacefully slipped away from this life at about 9:00
last night.
In my 40 years of public service I have watched many people in their final moment's usually as I was working hard to keep them alive. To simply stand a watch someone who had been the center of you life for almost 30 years pass was strangely calming. I had already said my goodbye when I made the decision to stop treatment so I was and still am very much at peace and know she is also.
Please keep our kids Ashley, Emilee and Eric and their families in your thoughts over the next few days.
Thanks
Daniel Smith
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 27/09/2026
Just a small selection of favorites
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 26/09/2026
In brightest day, in blackest night, no hunger shall escape my sight
A Green Lantern Pizza box
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 26/09/2026
Y’ALL
Brie is less than six hours from 51 weeks sober
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 25/09/2026
I love having a terminally online millennial pastor.
*Turns hat backwards, pulls up chair.*
Taylor Swift released an Encore to her latest album, but do you know who had an even better Encore?
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 25/09/2026
Someone was feeling it today
Brie laying on her stomach, topless. The strap of her thong is visible and her heels are in the air.
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 24/09/2026
This is for @stevengodfrey.bsky.social but y’all can watch it too
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 24/09/2026
Christina Stephens (
•••
@christin... • now
Stop talking about how chilly it is you're hurting my feelings
Callie
@calligator.bsky.social • 35m
Holy shit, sitting outside at dinner tonight and feeling slightly chilly and actively deciding not to go grab a shawl from the car because I needed the sensation of not being too warm SO FUCKING BADLY
2
• 13
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 23/09/2026
I don’t have one handy from quite that far back, but this is 22-year-old Brie and yeah, kinda
A blurry low-res picture of early 20s Brie
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 23/09/2026
Janie’s meatloaf, the best I’ve ever had
21bs ground beet
1 egg
1½ cups quick oats
Table spoon Salt
Tsp each garlic + onion powders
375 ° 40 minutes

1½ cups Ketchup
½ cup brown sugar
Add ½ at 40 mins
Cook For 10 mins

Add 1/2
Cook for 10 more minutes
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 22/09/2026
A Franklin Ace 1000, which was an Apple II clone. Mine was paired with a Commodore monitor that did color.
A Franklin Ace 1000, paired with an authentic Apple II floppy drive. I had the actual Franklin drive.
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Call Me The Brie-ze @briesmith.xyz · 22/09/2026
Look what I saw in traffic today
A Slate truck
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