𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 07/10/2026Will I be wishing June Allyson a happy birthday 20 years after her passing? Depends™. #IYKYK 2401
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 28/09/2026How ‘bout you show me 𝙝𝙖𝙡𝙛 of everything in a 90 minute cut? Can we do that? 65610
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 25/09/2026After seeing ‘Forgotten Island’, I checked the Rotten Tomatoes score and was a little surprised that it’s at 96%. I was expecting it to be higher. 🍅 2354
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 18/09/2026“Sir, we’re going to be moving you off the floor. Your… um… 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙡𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙨 are alarmingly high.” 3867
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 17/09/2026#TheSimpsons #TheErasTour #KearneyZzyzwicz #TaylorSwift 3484
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Hear me out. Macklemore should form a supergroup with all the acts that ditched the tour and call themselves: “𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐁𝐚𝐧𝐢𝐬𝐡-𝐢𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐄𝐝 𝐒𝐡𝐞𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐧”. 🤣 ⁱ’ᵈ ᵃᵖᵒˡᵒᵍⁱᶻᵉ ᶠᵒʳ ᵗʰᵉ ᵖᵘⁿ ᵇᵘᵗ ⁱᵗ’ˢ ᶠᵃⁿᵗᵃˢᵗⁱᶜ 613326
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 15/09/2026BREAKING: Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters will no longer be opening for Ed Sheeran. 917321
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Ted Cruz was born in Canada and yet there’s no mention of it every time he enters the primaries. 370
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 11/09/2026“𝑾𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒔𝒂𝒘 𝒐𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒔𝒆𝒕 𝒐𝒇 𝒇𝒐𝒐𝒕𝒑𝒓𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒔 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒓𝒖𝒃𝒃𝒍𝒆, 𝑰𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝑰 𝒄𝒂𝒓𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒅 𝒚𝒐𝒖.” 16814
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Graham crackers shaped like this called “Venn Diagrahams”. 47514
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 24/08/2026There’s nothing worse than a Zoom meeting, first thing on a Monday. #IYKYK 6718
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 21/08/2026I can’t be the only one who insists on calling it “𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧 𝐋𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞’𝐬” instead of “𝐉𝐨𝐡𝐧𝐧𝐲 𝐑𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐭𝐬”. 6707
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 19/08/2026Thanks! Your profile picture, Mind Goblin, is goated. 170
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 16/08/2026♥️ ♣️ Happy 68th Birthday ♦️ ♠️ To An Unbeatable Pair Of Queens 1678
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 31/07/2026I’m seeing it shortly. Should I wear my blue jeans or my grey jeans? 😉 171
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 31/07/2026See below. ⬇️ Did you read this as “Our point of sale system…” or “Our piece of shit system…”? 😂 128814
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 22/07/2026Nah, that’s Tr☭mp and Bitch McConnell’s secret love child. 061
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 22/07/2026NOW you’re “too old for this shit”. Not 40(!) years ago when you were filming the original ‘Lethal Weapon’, Danny. #WeAreALLTooOldForThisShit 36716
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 21/07/2026Why won’t they make an “Astronaut Jones” movie already? It’s not exactly BROCKET science. #AstronautJones #BROCKETscience #SNL 34810
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 20/07/2026It has been over a year and they STILL have not fixed that shit. #ChappellRoan #PinkPonyClub #MTV #PutRespectOnHerDamnName 2426
𝐁𝐫𝐞𝐭 𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐬𝐨𝐧 @bretbatson.bsky.social · 06/07/2026“Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia, what are you telling me? This is an ABBA turd?” 2493
