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brainplan

@brainplan.bsky.social
326 followers 570 following 5.2K posts

Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.

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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1h
keep in mind that I do not have naturally full/thick facial hair when I go unshaven so the butt chin crack goatee will be very small and very creepy, if that sways your vote at all
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 1h
I shaved earlier this evening and noticed after the fact that I forgot to shave in the crack of my butt chin so do I go back and shave it or do I start growing the world’s smallest and creepiest goatee, sound off in the comments!
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 4h
it’s New Era, which means it’s an exact replica of the cowboy hats worn on-field by the players
online listing from New Era for a Phillies brown cowboy hat, which is exactly what you think it is: a brown cowboy hat (appears to be some kind of faux suede material) with a black band and embroidered red Phillies logo outlined in black or dark blue on the front 

an absolute steal at only $85.99
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 6h
“Are we gonna be really into Roblox? Maybe that’ll be our thing? I don’t know, I’m not even really sure what a Roblox is. I’m asking you guys.”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 9h
it was the unsmoess of times, it was the unsleass of times
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 11h
fun fact from her wikipedia page
altered screenshot from Garn Stephens’ wikipedia page listing her given name as “Garnier Fructis Stephens”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 12h
more like
front page from The Onion’s Our Dumb Century book dated 1932 with banner headline CRUST OF BREAD FOUND and subheading NATION THRILLED BY DISCOVERY OF YEASTY MORSEL
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 12h
I know, I know: an entire loaf? in this economy?
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 12h
Monday, rise and grind, time to get that bread* *work all day to make enough money to buy one (1) loaf of bread
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
til they edit his body out in those Liberty Mutual ads
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
sorry everyone, the pic in the original post isn’t real, here’s the real one
same pic in the original post but it’s edited to be Liberty Biberty in the pic
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
wow, good for him
post from Us magazine of that Ryan Seacrest thirst trap pic with the headline “Ryan Seacrest Shows Off His Insanely Toned Abs in Shirtless Thirst Trap” but I pasted John Ratzenberger’s head over Seacrest’s and changed the name to John Ratzenberger in the headline
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
as you’re enjoying the MLB playoffs keep in mind that this is what baseballs look like close up all those dingers and 104 mph pitches don’t seem so cool now, do they
man modeling a baseball Halloween costume which is just a giant circle of fabric worn over the person’s torso with a pic of a baseball printed on it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
once again: go birds
youtu.be
John Ashcroft
YouTube video by pdx
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Good Moleman to you
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Shop-Town Chocolatey Flavored Candy Bar Adjacent Food Product™️ ass uniforms
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
Padres away uniforms are hideous, looks like the wrapper on a store brand chocolate bar
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
“I use the plagiarism machine, but artistically” are you listening to yourself, Kelly
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
also, who’s “everybody else,” Kelly? makes me wonder if she’s surrounded by dipshits and she’s telling on herself about it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
this is someone who presumably has the money and the connections and the status to work with just about any human musician or artist she wants and has actual talent and has recorded non ai bangers it is just super loser behavior for someone with this much privilege to stoop to this
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
you love it, huh? you use it artistically, do you? you don’t care that it’s controversial because you’re above it all? cool, tell it to that podcast from the toilet, Kelly
pic of Kelly Clarkson from her recent appearance on some podcast, text on the pic is a quote from her about ai, which reads: 

“CONTROVERSIAL, I DON'T CARE. HERE'S THE THING, I LOVE AI. THERE ARE VERY AMAZING THINGS WITH AI THAT I'M OBSESSED WITH. I'M VERY INTO IT ARTISTICALLY, TOO. I HAVE FUN WITH IT JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.”Kelly Clarkson in a toilet
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Reposted by brainplan
brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2025
today is the day you can post this!
screenshots from Mean Girls with Lindsay Lohan and the dude she had a crush on

in the top image, the caption reads “On October 3rd, he asked me what day it was.” 

in the bottom image, the caption is Lindsay Lohan saying “I don’t know how to read calendars.”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
Quaker eventually had to release a video statement saying “it’s printed both ways on the same shaker” showing that the printing of Cinnamon was, in fact, oriented one way on one side of the shaker & the other way on the opposite side of the shaker & then we all felt v stupid for fighting about it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
I remember when this ad was popular, me and my family and friends were very “Cinnamon printed vertically bottom up on the shaker” people and we HATED the “top down” people, many physical altercations and broken relationships over it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
and I’m writing all of this as a super white white guy so if my immediate response to it is a yikes then it’s a YIKES, know what I mean
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
anyway, hearing that relic again immediately made me think of how Atlanta (the Donald Glover starring tv show, not the city) did a very funny parody of the “white people doing twee ironic covers of hip hop songs” phenomenon
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
white people doing ironic “edgy” white people versions of hip hop songs should’ve been something we fully got rid of in Woke I probably need to put that near the top of the list for Woke II, not that it’s the most pressing matter but just because we should’ve taken care of it already
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
was in the car earlier listening to an all 90s music show and they played Dynamite Hack’s cover of Boyz-n-the-Hood and it was the radio edit since it’s a public airwaves station but even so oof, that’s one that oughta stay in the 90s
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
is this in response to some rando who I don’t follow/doesn’t follow me replying to me with “Mattingly deserved to be fired, he sucks” and when I looked at this person’s profile it was a lot of resist lib “there’s a dang cheeto in the white house” bs and ai slop so I blocked them? maybe
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
fyi, the op here was a very dumb joke about how Don Mattingly will be a relief pitcher for the Phillies next year, I do not care about and will not be participating in any Mattingly discourse in response to this, thank you
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Durán will finally have a legit setup guy
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
fyi: those eminem lyrics everyone’s dunking on are fake, these are the real ones and they’re pretty good, imo
screenshot of the lyrics of the TobyMac verse on the song “Got To B Tru,” a hilariously bad collab from the 1990s between CCM singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman and TobyMac of CCM hip hop legends DC Talk (lol) 

the lyrics read:

Tru check it out I got a next-door neighbor

And I can tell he's been watching my behavior

Yo he's heard that I'm a Christian guy

He wants to know if that's the truth or a lie

He's got a list of reasons not to believe 

Like doubt, dissolution, hypocrisy

It's gonna take some living proof to break through those walls

Yea, it's got to b tru if he'll believe at all (word)

anyway, if you need a good laugh, take a listen to that song sometime
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I figured that’s what they’d probably do
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
CONFIRMED: Mattingly to Phillies bullpen in 2027
graphic labeled both “PHILLY SPORTS 24/7” and “BROTHERLY LOVE NATION” with a pic of Don Mattingly in his Phillies uniform and the headline “BREAKING DON MATTINGLY WILL NOT RETURN AS PHILLIES MANAGER IN 2027”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
folks, we made it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
TGIWFWTD
pic of that 58 year old dude who just found out Michael McDonald is his biological father with Michael McDonald; pic is in a white frame on the left hand side of a solid black background 

in the lower right hand side of the black space, white text reads “it’s Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
now that’s a hairstyle, we used to be a proper country, etc.
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
this is vile; “the adversity he’s been through” as if he beat cancer or something
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
lol, this mf was optimistic
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
the Martin Scorsese ABSOLUTE CINEMA pic but the text says ABSOLUTE BUTTCHEEKS and he’s wearing a Phillies cap
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Derek Hill appreciation post
Derek Hill
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
this is why I hated it so much in years past when Phils fans started doing it to mock the Braves “racist, but as a goof” is still racist
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
this is true and more people should be saying it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
if there is any pitcher in MLB who can shake off something like that, it’s Zack Wheeler having written that
the painting of the shell shocked soldier
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Alec Bohm saw the above post and thought it was secret code for “run like the slowest slowass who ever slowassed, like you are desperately trying to hold in some catastrophic diarrhea on your way to first”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
ANYway, 3 runs is not insurmountable and I think I might be done venting possibly, maybe
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Jalen Hurts is going to be doing the football version of a one man band
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
man, this baseball game is depressing so far, anyway let’s take a big sip of water and check the birds’ injury report
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
just not even close to good enough when he absolutely had to be great the 12-1 loss to the Rays Nola all over again
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Michael Harris II has been a menace to the Phillies for a while now and that includes somehow golfing that pitch out of the park but the stupid ass walks before that made that HR especially a killer I mean Jesus CHRIST
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