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brainplan

@brainplan.bsky.social
332 followers 571 following 5.3K posts

Phillies, Lifetime movie, Cop Rock, discontinued McDonald’s menu items/ad campaigns enthusiast. But we don’t have to talk about any of that, we can talk about your things, whatever.

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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 8h
screenshot of Jalen Hurts addressing the media; he is wearing an Eagles hoodie and Eagles throwback kelly green baseball cap and standing behind the mic in front of a backdrop with alternating Eagles and Toyota logos; fake closed captioning on the pic reads “I just don’t know.”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 8h
I appreciate that Hurts always keeps it real
screenshot of Jalen Hurts addressing the media; he is wearing an Eagles hoodie and Eagles throwback kelly green baseball cap and standing behind the mic in front of a backdrop with alternating Eagles and Toyota logos; fake closed captioning on the pic reads “So I just found out they eat beans for breakfast in London.” screenshot of Jalen Hurts addressing the media; he is wearing an Eagles hoodie and Eagles throwback kelly green baseball cap and standing behind the mic in front of a backdrop with alternating Eagles and Toyota logos; fake closed captioning on the pic reads “Baked beans. Like what you eat at your family's summer picnic or as a side at a barbecue joint and look, l like beans, beans are good, but...”screenshot of Jalen Hurts addressing the media; he is wearing an Eagles hoodie and Eagles throwback kelly green baseball cap and standing behind the mic in front of a backdrop with alternating Eagles and Toyota logos; fake closed captioning on the pic reads “…”screenshot of Jalen Hurts addressing the media; he is wearing an Eagles hoodie and Eagles throwback kelly green baseball cap and standing behind the mic in front of a backdrop with alternating Eagles and Toyota logos; fake closed captioning on the pic reads “…for breakfast? Man, I don’t know about that.”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 12h
TGIWFWTD
shirtless bathroom mirror selfie recently posted online by Anson “Potsie from Happy Days” Williams; he is wearing black rimmed glasses and khaki cargo shorts or pants and is holding his phone up in one hand and flexing the bicep on his other arm 

he posted it with a message to his fellow boomers saying “keep going, stay active” or whatever and look, the dude is 77 years old and looks good for his age but also: lol 

black text in the upper right hand corner of the pic reads “it’s Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 09/10/2026
my immediate reaction was, you change this dude’s shirt and cap to Phillies gear and this is a guy being interviewed by Action News after a game at CBP saying “I seen it comin’ and I was like ‘whoa’”
detail of a dude in the pic in the original post standing in the outfield stands at petco park watching the HR robbery in last night’s NLDS game looking like “whoa, check that shit out”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
pic posted to online by channel 11 pittsburgh (nbc affiliate in pgh) showing Staind frontman Aaron Lewis onstage with the headline “Staind, Seether, Hoobastank and Hinder to perform in Pittsburgh” an old timey illustration of a witch stirring a boiling cauldron with a jack-o-lantern, bats, and a full moon in the background 

I added a speech balloon coming from the witch’s mouth that reads “Staind, Seether, Hoobastank and Hinder”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
wow so it turns out that the Orioles laid off the Oriole Bird because they’re debuting a brand new mascot (pictured), pretty cool
a pic of Oriole Park at Camden Yards and standing on the dugout is a figure wearing a polar bear costume but instead of a polar bear head it has a large Pete Alonso head wearing a tiny O’s cap 

the Alonso Bear appears to be dancing or something
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 08/10/2026
Yankees and Braves eliminated on the same day, it’s another great moment to be a hater
1980s Knight Rider era David Hasselhoff giving a thumbs upanother pic of 1980s Knight Rider era David Hasselhoff giving a thumbs up
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
your new handsome boy king of hollywood
David Ellison, except I blew up his dumb mouth, pasted mismatched dead emoji eyes over his real dead eyes, added old man rictus hands, and a crown on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
I saw there was some hubbub during some Senate testimony last week and just now catching up on it and what the hell
that pic that was going around of dipshit Sens. Schmitt and Kennedy holding up their “evidence” that Jack Smith was in Atlanta at some point participating in some conspiracy but the big board is blank and I pasted my profile pic on here onto it (my dorkass little league pic from back in the day) and there are red arrows pointing to the crown and brim of my little league issued trucker cap and text on the right hand side of the sign reads “why hat so high?” and “why brim so creasy?” and then the word WEIRD in large red text is printed across me at a diagonal
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
is this anything, idk
poster for the movie Digger—the one prominently featuring Tom Cruise as Digger adopting a Larry Craig style wide stance and holding a shovel but I pasted Marky Mark as Dirk Diggler’s head over Cruise’s and sloppily changed the title to Diggler
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
it is #RockOnTuesday so you know what that means: we need to rock on for the…UNsmoess times
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s 

Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea 

in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday 

also, in the lower right hand corner I pasted that drunk eagles fan who talked to the news after the birds’ loss on Sunday who said Sirianni blew it “for the…UNsmoess times”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
it’s New Era, which means it’s an exact replica of the cowboy hats worn on-field by the players
online listing from New Era for a Phillies brown cowboy hat, which is exactly what you think it is: a brown cowboy hat (appears to be some kind of faux suede material) with a black band and embroidered red Phillies logo outlined in black or dark blue on the front 

an absolute steal at only $85.99
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
fun fact from her wikipedia page
altered screenshot from Garn Stephens’ wikipedia page listing her given name as “Garnier Fructis Stephens”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
more like
front page from The Onion’s Our Dumb Century book dated 1932 with banner headline CRUST OF BREAD FOUND and subheading NATION THRILLED BY DISCOVERY OF YEASTY MORSEL
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
sorry everyone, the pic in the original post isn’t real, here’s the real one
same pic in the original post but it’s edited to be Liberty Biberty in the pic
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
wow, good for him
post from Us magazine of that Ryan Seacrest thirst trap pic with the headline “Ryan Seacrest Shows Off His Insanely Toned Abs in Shirtless Thirst Trap” but I pasted John Ratzenberger’s head over Seacrest’s and changed the name to John Ratzenberger in the headline
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
as you’re enjoying the MLB playoffs keep in mind that this is what baseballs look like close up all those dingers and 104 mph pitches don’t seem so cool now, do they
man modeling a baseball Halloween costume which is just a giant circle of fabric worn over the person’s torso with a pic of a baseball printed on it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 04/10/2026
you love it, huh? you use it artistically, do you? you don’t care that it’s controversial because you’re above it all? cool, tell it to that podcast from the toilet, Kelly
pic of Kelly Clarkson from her recent appearance on some podcast, text on the pic is a quote from her about ai, which reads: 

“CONTROVERSIAL, I DON'T CARE. HERE'S THE THING, I LOVE AI. THERE ARE VERY AMAZING THINGS WITH AI THAT I'M OBSESSED WITH. I'M VERY INTO IT ARTISTICALLY, TOO. I HAVE FUN WITH IT JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.”Kelly Clarkson in a toilet
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
fyi: those eminem lyrics everyone’s dunking on are fake, these are the real ones and they’re pretty good, imo
screenshot of the lyrics of the TobyMac verse on the song “Got To B Tru,” a hilariously bad collab from the 1990s between CCM singer/songwriter Steven Curtis Chapman and TobyMac of CCM hip hop legends DC Talk (lol) 

the lyrics read:

Tru check it out I got a next-door neighbor

And I can tell he's been watching my behavior

Yo he's heard that I'm a Christian guy

He wants to know if that's the truth or a lie

He's got a list of reasons not to believe 

Like doubt, dissolution, hypocrisy

It's gonna take some living proof to break through those walls

Yea, it's got to b tru if he'll believe at all (word)

anyway, if you need a good laugh, take a listen to that song sometime
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
CONFIRMED: Mattingly to Phillies bullpen in 2027
graphic labeled both “PHILLY SPORTS 24/7” and “BROTHERLY LOVE NATION” with a pic of Don Mattingly in his Phillies uniform and the headline “BREAKING DON MATTINGLY WILL NOT RETURN AS PHILLIES MANAGER IN 2027”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
TGIWFWTD
pic of that 58 year old dude who just found out Michael McDonald is his biological father with Michael McDonald; pic is in a white frame on the left hand side of a solid black background 

in the lower right hand side of the black space, white text reads “it’s Whiskey Fridays with Tony Dokoupil”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
the Martin Scorsese ABSOLUTE CINEMA pic but the text says ABSOLUTE BUTTCHEEKS and he’s wearing a Phillies cap
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Derek Hill appreciation post
Derek Hill
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
if there is any pitcher in MLB who can shake off something like that, it’s Zack Wheeler having written that
the painting of the shell shocked soldier
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
I am cautiously optimistic, GO PHILS
the old stock photo guy with the gray hair and beard who does the awkward smile and thumbs up that has been the basis for tons of memes; a pic of him awkwardly smiling and giving a thumbs up and I pasted a Phillies cap on his head GO PHILS
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I shared some pics earlier today that were about who would be pitching for the Phillies tonight which turned out to be incorrect but I believe this is the accurate information, my bad, sorry for the confusion
altered post from NBC Sports Philadelphia with headline “Phillies to go with ‘Stimbrelmano’ in do-or-die Game 3 Thursday night” with pic of (L to R) Garrett Stubbs, Craig Kimbrel, and Jordan Romano in Phillies uniforms on a solid red background
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
September 30th/October 1st
Richard Simmons, sitting on a white cylinder shape wearing a sky blue tank top with a white tank top underneath, white and light blue short shorts, and white socks and sneakers, a classic Richard Simmons fit Richard Simmons wearing white socks/sneakers, black leggings with a skeleton print on them, black bedazzled tank top, and shades, standing posing with hands on hips and one foot propped up on a chair
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
is this anything
screenshot of the TOTALLY REDEEMED YOURSELF scene from Dumb and Dumber except a pic of Bryce Harper during his postgame interview today is pasted over Lloyd and Harry is wearing a Phillies cap
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
oh shit oh fuck I just got this pic in a dm, what do I do
a Liberty Mutual ad with Liberty Biberty; text above its head reads “You cannot kill me in a way that matters.”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
first pitch pop up from Turner in a huge moment
a resigned looking Donald Trump giving a thumbs up to the camera without looking at the camera; I pasted a Phillies cap on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Philip Seymour Hoffman in Punch Drunk Love, the “shut up” phone scene
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
welp, it is once again almost time to watch my favorite baseball team play baseball
the Toby Maguire crying/laughing crying meme with Phillies caps pasted on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
(preemptively stating this is not supposed to be a political statement about how Trump is a puppet, nor is it supposed to be “hardeeharr derdurp Dunham has his hand up Trump’s ass” gay panic shit; I just thought Trump’s legs in that vid looked like dangly ventriloquist dummy legs, is all)
Jeff Dunham, onstage with one of his puppet characters except I pasted Trump from the video quoted here over the puppet because I thought his legs in that video looked like dangly ventriloquist dummy legs
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
eagle eyed readers will know that the post above is a very bad parody of one of the all time best tweets
tweet from the late great Mike Fossey that reads “Check this shit out motherfucker [I slide one foot out from under me and fall on my ass, its not clear what kind of move I was trying to do]”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
it is almost time for Phillies postseason baseball
screenshot from a video that’s just a compilation of people screaming in front of a solid black backdrop; it’s a middle aged white guy looking particularly deranged and shaking his fists while screaming and I pasted a Phillies cap on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
it is #RockOnTuesday and Phillies wild card gameday so I am ordering a doubling of the rockin’ on today, get up outta your seat and move it, the rock isn’t gonna on itself
extremely low res pic of Michael “Danny Romalotti” Damian that appears to be from the late 1980s/early 1990s 

Damian’s rocking a black leather jacket with graphic tee underneath and his hair is teased out as fuck—think later seasons Stamos on Full House and you get the idea 

in the upper left hand corner, black text reads #RockOnTuesday

I have also pasted a Phillies cap resting at a jaunty angle on top of Damian’s large hair
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
“I hope the birds wake up in the 2nd half” the birds in the 2nd half:
a figurine of a clown fast asleep fully clothed in a bathtub that has a “DO NOT DISTURB” sign on it
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
McAfee and Kelce pregame all “hey, these football players are some big dudes”
John Oliver sarcastically saying “cool”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
good stuff from LeBron on media day
screenshot of LeBron James addressing the media on Sixers media day; altered closed captioning reads “My favorite song? It's probably that Crash Test Dummies one.” screenshot of LeBron James addressing the media on Sixers media day; altered closed captioning reads “You heard that one, you know what I’m talking about? From the 90s?” screenshot of LeBron James addressing the media on Sixers media day; altered closed captioning reads “That one with the guy with the low voice and he’s all like, he goes” screenshot of LeBron James addressing the media on Sixers media day; altered closed captioning reads “mmm mmm mmm mmm”
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
credit where it’s due, top notch casting in Taylor Swift’s new music video
three screenshots from Taylor Swift’s Patient Zero music video, featuring Colin Farrell, Taylor Swift, and Dakota Johnson 

I pasted Richard Kind’s head over Farrell’s in the screenshot of him, no offense to Farrell but his role in the video was the part Kind was born to play, imo
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
for the record, I am fine, there was never a doubt in my mind, ring the red october high hopes bell or whatever, let’s go I AM FINE
screenshot from The Last Man On Earth featuring Phil Tandy Miller (Will Forte), clad in a filthy hoodie, boxer briefs, and boots and standing with hands on hips in the middle of the living room of the house where he took up residence following the virus that killed almost everyone on earth 

the room looks like an episode of Hoarders and he is clearly unwell
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
the FIGHTINS I take back every snide comment I made about them the past couple of weeks* *I reserve the right to untake everything back depending on how things go Tuesday through Thursday
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Xi Jinping’s got the shine to him? huge if true
social media post from Bette Midler with the caption “Vote for Blue!” and pic attached of Melania Trump, Donald Trump, and Xi Jinping on what appears to be the White House balcony 

(I have seen this pic making the rounds but don’t know if it’s real, ai, or a real pic “enhanced” by ai—it just got attention because Melania and Donald both look miserable in it and people were like “lol, they hate each other”) 

a thought balloon coming from Trump’s head says “She hates me!” and a speech balloon is coming from Xi’s head saying “You spelled ‘Xi’ wrong!” which makes it appear as though Xi has the shine to him and can hear Trump’s thoughts (not sure how he could see how Trump’s thoughts are spelled, though) but committed the faux pas of not being cool about having the shine to him and responded to Trump’s thought out loud, which would have probably freaked out Trump but just confused everyone else, as it would seem like he just blurted out a non sequitur 

and idk man, if you’re gonna engage in quasi hack political cartooning at least have a premise that makes sense
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Phillies, I—
scene from Tommy Boy where Chris Farley has the meltdown and his hair is all sticking up; I pasted a Phillies cap resting on top of his crazy hair
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
let’s check in with your Philadelphia Phillies
that dusty alien body in a box from Mexico with a Phillies cap on its head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
“Aaron Nola, give him credit…”
screenshot of the old Captain America “no, I don’t think I will” meme
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
looking forward to spending a few hours watching my favorite baseball team play baseball
Chris Farley in Tommy Boy when he’s crying about the deer they hit with their car; I pasted a Phillies cap on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
classy move by the Tigers to honor Justin Verlander’s pregnancy
social media post from MLB featuring a pic of Justin Verlander tipping his cap to the crowd at the ballpark along with a graphic of the final score of the game (Pirates 7, Tigers 8) 

the caption reads “The Tigers honor Justin Verlander preg…See more” 

(the word “pregame” is cut off by the “See more” link)
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 26/09/2026
reviewing the Phillies’ increasingly convoluted clinching scenarios earlier today/checking the box score of the game so far tonight
Rudy Giuliani, looking straight at the camera with an expression on his face that says “that wasn’t just a fart”Rudy Giuliani, tilting to the side looking like he’s about to fall over and pass out after catastrophically sharting his pants 

I pasted a Phillies cap on his head
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brainplan @brainplan.bsky.social · 25/09/2026
an old Billy Ray Cyrus tweet with a selfie where he is looking down and away from the camera (looking like he just spotted a raccoon at the end of the what appears to be a driveway where the pic was taken) and the caption “Much to think about.”
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