Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 25/09/2026The first two are more reasonable than the third 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 13/09/2026Dave’s Cruise Lines LLC Damp Expectations Not The Lincoln If the Yacht’s A-Rocking Don’t Come A-Knockin’ 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 07/09/2026I might have accidentally quit my job tonight by telling my boss how upset I was at him hiring somebody he knew I didn’t trust or like, having me train him, dude was hella rude to me during training, and then no call no showed for his second shift. How hard can I TOLD YOU SO? Fucking LISTEN! 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellMaria Bamford @mariabamford.bsky.social · 20/08/2026#TBT To @jackiekashian.bsky.social and I circa 2009 back in good ol'Minnesota! ⭐ 💜 Watch Jackie's Special, Alter-Kashian! Get the link at JackieKashian.com 31419 141
Reposted by Em EssellAllison Gill @muellershewrote.com · 28/05/2026Dear media, You don't have to say "E Jean Carroll accused Trump of defamation and rape." You can say "Trump defamed and raped E Jean Carroll." It's been adjudicated. Thank you 276146984546 14.7K
Reposted by Em EssellStandplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 07/07/2026 2464111 464
Reposted by Em Essellkyleayers.bsky.social @kyleayers.bsky.social · 07/07/2026Not saying that game was stolen from Egypt but it is now on display at museum in London. 160144722889 14.5K
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 06/07/2026Things I said while DONE WITH THIS SHIT today: “I am giving that man two more Fuck Arounds before he Finds Out. I’ve been nice.” 010 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 05/07/2026Happy BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM day and a hearty fuck you to all who celebrate. I will do what I’ve done ever since I got a mortgage: sit on the porch with a bottle of wine and a garden hose and glare at teenagers. 010 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 03/07/2026Anyways, it’s the season to TIP YOUR SERVERS. Tip heavy. Tip high. Be patient. Especially when ordering a draft Guinness. We love you but we are on the edge. 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 03/07/2026Left work to decamp to a bar that wasn’t showing soccer, because I need to not look at my coworkers for a bit. Half hour later… boss walks in, same reason. We sat next to each other in silence for a beer and then he left. Anyways, as a bartender in a soccer bar: that’s how World Cup is going. 100 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 25/06/2026The fuck is it with people who hit up a soccer bar during World Cup and then … gets so picky about wine? I’ve done four WCs. This has happened EVERY TIME. 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 25/06/2026It’s a screw top. It’s a soccer bar. I’m gonna need you to find some situational awareness, ma’am. I realized about 45 minutes later that she had been hiding a tiny, very unhappy, dog in her tote bag. I hate her. 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 25/06/2026and then literally making a face when I showed her the Sauvignon blanc bottle because “it’s already open! can’t you open me a fresh one?” I pointedly cracked the screw top in front of her, while everyone behind her waited patiently for their draft modelos. 100 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 25/06/2026I would like to send a hearty FUCK YOU to the woman who walked up to the well during Mexico’s World Cup game, at a soccer bar… and quizzed me for a good five minutes on what kind of wine this *SOCCER BAR* has (red, white, pink.) … 100 1
Reposted by Em EssellJon Cooper @joncooper-us.bsky.social · 23/06/2026“He can’t even win a war against algae” 🤣 27474261872 7.4K
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 17/06/2026#bartenderstuff “The Hefeweizen is on the Sour tap so naturally it’s labeled Bock.” 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 09/06/2026Two more sleeps until World Cup. I’m excited for the games but nervous as hell for…… everything else... 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellPunk Rock History @punkrockhistory.bsky.social · 03/06/2026It can't get any better than this today. 🤩🤣😅 823246 232
Reposted by Em EssellThe Bulwark @thebulwark.com · 30/05/2026"We should be clear: Bari Weiss is murdering 60 Minutes. She is doing so not out of incompetence or foolishness, but with malice aforethought. She is doing it at the behest of her corporate patron."lnk.thebulwark.comThe Murder of ‘60 Minutes’Bari Weiss is turning the best TV news show ever into Trump’s personal fleshlight. 27566170 566
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 29/05/2026It’s very important, when you’re stuck in bed fighting a cold and catching up on your @crooked.com and @thebulwark.com podcasts, that at 4am in a NyQuil haze you don’t get Ken Jennings and Scott Jennings mixed up… 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 13/05/2026My therapist told me to take a bit of a news break and asked if I was currently reading a book… M: yeah, I am a couple chapters into @timmiller’s biography… Her: dammit. 010 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 12/05/2026CERTAIN PEOPLE WILL KNOW HOW THE REST OF THIS PLAYED OUT Me: well 3 is actually really late for Hispanic girl babies. People? I had to Google “when do Mexican baby girls get earrings” and show it to tell this man I’m not making shit up. This man does not deserve my enchiladas. 010 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 12/05/2026My <20+ older than me, east coast> husband just got his ears pierced for the first time today. “It really didn’t hurt…” Me <genx half-Hispanic lady> yeah, because I didn’t send you to a fucking mall. Him: when did you get yours done? Me: a bit late; I was like three? ……. 100 1
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 08/05/2026Retired Husband cleared out the entire “shop” (storage room in the basement) and wants to turn it into a second living room. Not mad about the effort, but… 1. We have a living room. 2. Where is this energy when the kitchen and bathroom need a wipe-down? Sigh. 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellKatie Phang @katiephang.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Thank you, Dear Internet, for always bringing me a silver lining. 🙏🏼 364108252028 10.8K
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 03/05/2026Just got the first estimate for repairing our porch. Anyone want to buy a kidney? Comes pre-filled with vodka, no extra charge……. #grownupshit 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellGeorge Takei @georgetakei.bsky.social · 25/04/2026Pope Leo turned the question around like the boss he is. 573274656245 27.5K
Reposted by Em EssellKen Jennings @kenjennings.bsky.social · 24/04/2026See you all at the Correspondents’ Dinner! 665006542 5K
Reposted by Em EssellStandplaats Kraków could really use some cash! @standplaatskrk.pl · 24/04/2026 852881960 5.3K
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 08/04/2026I worked a midday footie game for a few hours and thought “welp, at least when I turn my phone back I’ll already have a shift drink in my hand…” 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellBill Kristol @billkristolbulwark.bsky.social · 07/04/2026Trump's escalation from we're going to decimate them to we're going to destroy their country to we're going to wipe out their civilization seems to be classic escalatory behavior of an insane psychopath, no? 1202782488 2.8K
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 06/04/2026Turns out I can terrify my friends just by saying “so… I did a thing…” 100 1
Reposted by Em EssellJesi🃏♠️🔥 @luciferjesit.bsky.social · 03/04/2026Iran released another LEGO inspired video. This one is specifically for Pete Hegseth. 48497215 497
Reposted by Em EssellMichael Ian Black @michaelianblack.bsky.social · 21/03/2026Will they be masked? 1621216 212
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 19/03/2026This is the sort of political drama I’m actually here for. 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 14/03/2026Awww, how butthurt is Bill Maher that “Cannibal Women In The Avocado Jungle Of Death” never got an Oscar nomination? 🤣 000 0
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 13/03/2026Switching to the Wrexham game because it’s less combative than Jeanane Pirro’s press conference and it probably won’t be interrupted by phone calls. 000 0
Reposted by Em EssellRon Filipkowski @ronfilipkowski.bsky.social · 13/03/2026Hegseth this morning, now this rant from Jeanine. These people come unglued when you point out their obvious incompetence and demonstrable failures. bsky.app/profile/acyn... 3493068698 3.1K
Reposted by Em EssellBy Cory Doctorow (GPG 0xBF3D9110957E5F4C) @doctorow.pluralistic.net · 13/03/2026Swamp Thing - Movie poster concept art by Chris Achilleos (1982) atomic-chronoscaph.tumblr.com/post/8109991... 0111 11
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 13/03/2026I think her phone just went off in the middle of the press conference? 200 2
Em Essell @blankcaraboo.bsky.social · 13/03/2026Sorry I’m distracted by watching Jeanane Pirro berating the press and trying to figure out where she’s hiding her mug of Chardonnay. I’m not even in the room and I feel like I need to go comb my hair and put on something that won’t embarrass her at church. 100 1
