Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Elizabeth, The only A.I. I want is anal intercourse. Darcy 072
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Elizabeth, A free press is essential to democracy with a small d. But you’re essential to someone with a big D… Darcy 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Elizabeth, Gas is so expensive. Feel free to ride my cock. Darcy 1122
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Elizabeth, They found a new species of cat, but they’ll never find a pussy that grips like yours. Is your mother still reading your letters? Darcy 071
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Elizabeth, I’ll have your panties dropping faster than musicians on Ed Sheeran’s tour. Darcy 1227
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Ed Sheeran’s opening act is now Kash Patel fucking a dog 0133
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Elizabeth, Gas prices are like your undergarments. Lower them if you want me to ride. Darcy 170
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Elizabeth, AI might wreck humanity, but I’ll wreck that pussy. Darcy 0143
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Elizabeth, I’ll go down like Grindr during a Republican convention. Darcy 0141
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Elizabeth, Are you Labor Day? Because I get you off. Darcy 1170
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/08/2026“Drop your tariffs,” Canada rasped. “I want nothing between us. Bare.” America shed its tariffs and spread open its markets. “Please, Canadaddy.” Canada notched its goods into an already wet Americussy and sank in on a groan. Their mouths met. Their trade tangled. 152
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Elizabeth, Call me Spider-Man because you make me want to flick my wrist until I spurt out white sticky stuff. Respectfully, Darcy 030
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 24/07/2026Elizabeth, I don’t want a data center. Just a D in your center. Darcy 080
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 15/07/2026Elizabeth, Are you Homer’s The Odyssey? Because you’ll come from a strong oral tradition. Darcy 091
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 13/07/2026Elizabeth, Are you Lindsey Graham? Because I want to fill your seat. Darcy 060
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 11/07/2026Elizabeth, Call me lettuce the way I will rearrange your guts. Darcy 0142
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/07/2026Elizabeth, You’re a good girl, but I want to corrupt you like FIFA. Darcy 181
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026there’s more people on top of the Empire State Building than at the Great American State Fair 2190
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/06/2026A Where’s Waldo? fair had higher attendance than the Great American State Fair and I love that for books. 061
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 28/06/2026Fun fact: more people have come in my books than have come to the Great American State Fair 070
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/06/2026“I’ll make you release the algae you didn’t know you were holding,” I groaned as I eased into the Reflecting Pool’s peeling folds. 030
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/06/2026“I have a slit,” said the Reflecting Pool. “And I have fingers,” I said, smoothing its wetness around the slippery folds of paint. Peeling them back, and probing deeper. “And a tongue?” the pool panted. “And a tongue.” And then I snorkeled all up in that slit. 020
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/06/2026Elizabeth, I will make you Versailles. I will make you Vermoan. I will make you Vercomeonthiscock. Darcy 1101
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17/06/2026Elizabeth, A night with me is like the World Cup. You’ll score three times and leave me Messi. Darcy 7506
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Congratulations to all the people who years ago made a pact with a friend “if we’re both single when the Knicks win” 0236
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Available now! www.amazon.com/dp/B0GX2DNYT...amazon.comAmazon.com 010
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/06/2026She’s a romance reader. It’s a hockey stick. Can one night of passion lead to love? TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is available now! 251
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 11/06/2026Elizabeth, I have enclosed one (1) sundress. Please let me know the location at which you would like to be railed, and I shall do so forthwith. Respectfully, Darcy 0143
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026Next time I’ll bring an ottoman. Maybe a pillow for my knees. Because I was going to treat these Backrooms right. 000
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I eased out of the Backrooms. A trail of paint followed me, dripping from the slit in the wall. Evidence that I had been there. I had done that. I didn’t care if I was the first person to paint the inner walls of the Backrooms. I just wanted to be the last. 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I explored deeper, pressing to the hilt, and then I pulled out a bucket I had brought, jerked my brush, and painted the walls like I owned them. 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026Then I was close. So close. Just a bit father and I’d be spent. “Whose Backrooms are these?” I wondered but it came out like a demand. An order. I heard a voice say “yours” and it spurred me on. 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I explored. Inner walls squeezed me, passageways pressed against me. I thrust through. Deeper, and deeper. Finding secret rooms that made the walls sigh. I was so deep I felt almost stuck, like the walls had legs that had locked behind my back. I never wanted to leave. 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026The wall swallowed me whole. I was fully sheathed inside, and it felt like I was in another world. Things felt… different. Better than the real world. My own private heaven. I felt consumed by a kind of velvet heat. 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I pressed my hand inside, to the wrist. “Does that hurt?” I asked. The wall didn’t answer, just kept taking what I gave it. I reached deeper. To my elbow, my shoulder. Until I said, “I need to be inside you.” 100
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026Okay, so I saw a slit in the wall. I reached out to touch it with one finger, then two. The slit took my fingers so easily, they slipped right in. “Do you like that?” I asked. I think I heard the wall moan. 110
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I found Backrooms in my basement, too! I’m going to check it out. 110
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 05/06/2026Tonight I’m Pucking You: www.amazon.com/dp/B0GX2DNYT...amazon.comTonight I'm Pucking YouBuy Tonight I'm Pucking You: Read Kindle Store Reviews - Amazon.com 010
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 05/06/2026What if a romance reader and a sentient hockey stick fell in love FOR REAL?? TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is available now! 260
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 01/06/2026if it happens during Pride, we are going to have the best parade 091
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Elizabeth, I will put you through the mattress so hard they’ll feel it in Boston. Darcy 070
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 30/05/2026This year’s coldest club is Freedom 250. This place has nothing: 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026A #FridayFling excerpt from my sentient hockey stick romance. Yes, TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is a romance with a hockey stick 040
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026if Milli Vanilli won’t play your party, then girl you know you’re through 1162
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026“I’m close,” the Blue Origin rocket panted. Smoke billowing, pre-fuel leaking from the tip. “Liftoff,” I rasped, pressing the button that sent it over the edge. The rocket groaned, then exploded, spurting debris all over the launchpad. 021
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 28/05/2026Elizabeth, I don’t want my face on money. Unless your pussy is money. Darcy 040
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 26/05/2026(at the UFC fight at the White House) Sir, you can take him. You’re so strong, sir. If you get in the ring, sir, you will win. You got this, sir. 090
