Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/09/2026Elizabeth, The only A.I. I want is anal intercourse. Darcy 072
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 21/09/2026Elizabeth, A free press is essential to democracy with a small d. But you’re essential to someone with a big D… Darcy 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Elizabeth, Gas is so expensive. Feel free to ride my cock. Darcy 1122
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/09/2026Elizabeth, They found a new species of cat, but they’ll never find a pussy that grips like yours. Is your mother still reading your letters? Darcy 071
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Elizabeth, I’ll have your panties dropping faster than musicians on Ed Sheeran’s tour. Darcy 1227
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Ed Sheeran’s opening act is now Kash Patel fucking a dog 0133
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/09/2026Elizabeth, Gas prices are like your undergarments. Lower them if you want me to ride. Darcy 170
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 12/09/2026Elizabeth, AI might wreck humanity, but I’ll wreck that pussy. Darcy 0143
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Elizabeth, I’ll go down like Grindr during a Republican convention. Darcy 0141
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 04/09/2026Elizabeth, Are you Labor Day? Because I get you off. Darcy 1170
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/08/2026“Drop your tariffs,” Canada rasped. “I want nothing between us. Bare.” America shed its tariffs and spread open its markets. “Please, Canadaddy.” Canada notched its goods into an already wet Americussy and sank in on a groan. Their mouths met. Their trade tangled. 152
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 31/07/2026Elizabeth, Call me Spider-Man because you make me want to flick my wrist until I spurt out white sticky stuff. Respectfully, Darcy 030
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 24/07/2026Elizabeth, I don’t want a data center. Just a D in your center. Darcy 080
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 15/07/2026Elizabeth, Are you Homer’s The Odyssey? Because you’ll come from a strong oral tradition. Darcy 091
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 13/07/2026Elizabeth, Are you Lindsey Graham? Because I want to fill your seat. Darcy 060
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 11/07/2026Elizabeth, Call me lettuce the way I will rearrange your guts. Darcy 0142
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/07/2026Elizabeth, You’re a good girl, but I want to corrupt you like FIFA. Darcy 181
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 01/07/2026there’s more people on top of the Empire State Building than at the Great American State Fair 2190
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/06/2026A Where’s Waldo? fair had higher attendance than the Great American State Fair and I love that for books. 061
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 28/06/2026Fun fact: more people have come in my books than have come to the Great American State Fair 070
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/06/2026“I’ll make you release the algae you didn’t know you were holding,” I groaned as I eased into the Reflecting Pool’s peeling folds. 030
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/06/2026“I have a slit,” said the Reflecting Pool. “And I have fingers,” I said, smoothing its wetness around the slippery folds of paint. Peeling them back, and probing deeper. “And a tongue?” the pool panted. “And a tongue.” And then I snorkeled all up in that slit. 020
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 18/06/2026Elizabeth, I will make you Versailles. I will make you Vermoan. I will make you Vercomeonthiscock. Darcy 1101
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17/06/2026Elizabeth, A night with me is like the World Cup. You’ll score three times and leave me Messi. Darcy 7506
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/06/2026Congratulations to all the people who years ago made a pact with a friend “if we’re both single when the Knicks win” 0236
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 14/06/2026She’s a romance reader. It’s a hockey stick. Can one night of passion lead to love? TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is available now! 251
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 11/06/2026Elizabeth, I have enclosed one (1) sundress. Please let me know the location at which you would like to be railed, and I shall do so forthwith. Respectfully, Darcy 0143
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 06/06/2026I found Backrooms in my basement, too! I’m going to check it out. 110
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 05/06/2026What if a romance reader and a sentient hockey stick fell in love FOR REAL?? TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is available now! 260
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 01/06/2026if it happens during Pride, we are going to have the best parade 091
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 31/05/2026Elizabeth, I will put you through the mattress so hard they’ll feel it in Boston. Darcy 070
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 30/05/2026This year’s coldest club is Freedom 250. This place has nothing: 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026A #FridayFling excerpt from my sentient hockey stick romance. Yes, TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is a romance with a hockey stick 040
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026if Milli Vanilli won’t play your party, then girl you know you’re through 1162
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 29/05/2026“I’m close,” the Blue Origin rocket panted. Smoke billowing, pre-fuel leaking from the tip. “Liftoff,” I rasped, pressing the button that sent it over the edge. The rocket groaned, then exploded, spurting debris all over the launchpad. 021
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 28/05/2026Elizabeth, I don’t want my face on money. Unless your pussy is money. Darcy 040
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 26/05/2026(at the UFC fight at the White House) Sir, you can take him. You’re so strong, sir. If you get in the ring, sir, you will win. You got this, sir. 090
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 23/05/2026Elizabeth; Everyone knows dumb has a b in it. But only I know last night your bum had a d in it. Darcy 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 21/05/2026Trump: I’m surprised I’m your last guest *lights dim, music starts* Colbert: It’s time to start RUNNING 010
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 21/05/2026taxmaxxing is when you tax a billionaire’s amazussy so hard even a teacher in Queens can feel it 050
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 17/05/2026Roses are red Read something new Like a romance where a sentient hockey stick says 140
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 15/05/2026I’m her ex-boyfriend’s hockey stick. This can’t last. But tonight, and only for tonight… We’re pucking. TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU, a sentient object romance, is available now! 130
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 07/05/2026Wilbur saw a new message in Charlotte’s web: “Tell Kyle. I want him to know it was me.” 091
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 01/05/2026a hockey romance reader has a one-night stand with a sentient hockey stick and then they fell in love FOR REAL!! TONIGHT I’M PUCKING YOU is available now www.amazon.com/dp/B0GX2DNYT... 131
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 30/04/2026Elizabeth, I’ll tell the Supreme Court the same thing I told your family: 6 of you can go fuck yourselves. Darcy 020239
Ash Dylan @ashdylan.bsky.social · 27/04/2026Elizabeth, Even I don’t care this much about ballrooms. Darcy 073
