iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 10h

Why is it only when I'm running late and still haven't done my makeup that I'm like, hey this would be a good time to attempt to do my hair in a way I've literally never done it before in my life

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 17h

The West Coast leg of my tour kicks off tomorrow. Some tickets still available for: Sunnyvale, CA 10/7 Spokane, WA 10/8 Tacoma, WA 10/10 Chandler, AZ 11/19

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

A magic genie implies that there are non-magic genies. So like, no wishes, just tiny little men trapped in lamps.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

I just want my $300 back from Sebastian Maniscalco

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

The Sebastian Maniscalco videos are proof that comedians can all take the same topic and do something very different and fun with it

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Women love watching Law & Order SVU because it lets us safely live out our fantasy of a rape being properly handled by the police.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Instagram is like, hey we noticed you reposted something that you made, but we're not going to show it to anyone because we value original content. For example, have you thought about stealing someone else's stuff and running it through AI?

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Sunnyvale, CA 10/7 Spokane, WA 10/8 Tacoma, WA 10/10 Oak Park, IL 10/24 Stamford, CT 11/5 Brooklyn, NY 11/7 Plano, TX 11/18 Chandler, AZ 11/19 Burlington, VT 12/3 - 12/5 Come have a drink WITH me, not AT me Punchup.live/arielelias

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

I don't really repost this, but it's been coming up a lot lately. Plus I have shows to promote. I still get asked, "what was going through your mind when this happened?" I wish it was something deep and cool, but it was: "I can't believe that just happened...would it be funny if I drank it, though?"

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Reposted by Ariel Elias

Brent Terhune @brentterhune.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

MAGA is about to lose his farm

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 30/09/2026

Doing an escape rooms is the most fun way to learn you're a dumb fucking idiot

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

I got a comment on one of my stand-up clips that was like, I can tell you don't take care of yourself from your body, and it's like, dude, that's so stupid, you can tell I don't take care of myself from my stand-up.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Punchup.live/arielelias Tour dates: Sunnyvale, CA 10/7 Spokane, WA 10/8 Tacoma, WA 10/10 Seattle, WA 10/11 Oak Park, IL 10/24 Stamford, CT 11/5 Brooklyn, NY 11/7 Plano, TX 11/18 Chandler, AZ 11/19 Burlington, VT 12/3 - 12/5

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 29/09/2026

Keep your ozempic, I'll be over here hauling materials to prepare for winter.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 28/09/2026

Multiple men I did not know complimented my umbrella tonight, to the point where I'm like wait are my tits trash

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

There was a line dancing event in Bryant Park and I heard someone say "only in New York" and I was like, no actually almost exclusively not in New York.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

Just want you guys to know this worked on stage, which means at some point my mom will see it

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 26/09/2026

My mom keeps trying to get me to watch Outlander, and I don't know how to tell her that I don't want to get horny from whatever it is that gets her horny.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 25/09/2026

In terms of body types, women's tennis is more inclusive than a Dove commercial in the early 2000s.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

A 90-year-old Japanese man won a bodybuilding competition this week. When asked how he did it, he said, “Well we started with a hip replacement and built out from there.”

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 23/09/2026

Got bored while looking at Instagram so I closed it and then opened up Instagram.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 19/09/2026

Seeing these videos of Mitch McConnell is the first time I’ve ever thought, hmm maybe we don’t want the same healthcare that Congress gets

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 17/09/2026

One thing I learned from writing a joke every day for a year is that it's ok to not write a joke every day.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

Jews don't believe in hell, but I wish we did because Christians make it sound so great. Warm year round and filled with the gays and Jews? It's like if Florida wasn't humid.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 16/09/2026

I stopped telling this joke, but Kash Patel says it's ok now. Thank you for accepting me.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 15/09/2026

Mitch McConnell looks like he just found out Mitch McConnell is alive.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

You watch one video of a woman who pooped herself during a competition and suddenly the whole algorithm is ruined

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

That girl is still one of my best friends

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 14/09/2026

I truly can't imagine how difficult it must be like for the women who dated Zverev. At least my abusive ex-boyfriend had the decency to never become successful.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

I made these. Happy new year. This is the closest you'll get to seeing my nudes

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 13/09/2026

No greater gap than the one between how hard I rooted against Rybakina in the semi-finals versus how hard I rooted for her in the finals.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 11/09/2026

Lshana tovah. Happy new year. I actually did just get my period, which is how I remembered to post this.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Telling a Mitch McConnell joke in Kentucky...

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 10/09/2026

Nothing makes me feel awake quite like lying down at night and closing my eyes.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

If you can't remember a professional tennis player's first name, just call them Alex. Man or woman, odds are in your favor.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

When it comes to Mitch McConnell, I think we can all agree...

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 08/09/2026

Spirit Airlines should operate like Spirit Halloween and come back every October. See if we can be convinced to spend money and feel scared.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

The fact that I can't drink while lying down is my body's most fundamental misunderstanding of who I am.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

That guy who got duct taped to his seat was flying lost his business class

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life (because by the time you're good enough to monetize it, the industry will have completely changed or disappeared).

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Do what you love and you'll never work a day in your life (because you will be fully unemployable)

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 06/09/2026

Unfortunately I deeply identify with Donald Trump, as someone who has also changed my hair thinking this will fix everything

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 04/09/2026

Most of my writing process is writing about how I should be writing more.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

I love exploring other neighborhoods in NYC that I wouldn't normally go to and seeing how different their Just Salads are from our Just Salads.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 03/09/2026

So annoying that these professional athletes are playing tennis while I'm trying to make a video

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

The German Nazis collaborated with Volkswagen and ended up with those cute little VW beatles, meanwhile ours collaborated with Tesla and all we got was that fuckass cyber truck.

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Ariel Elias @arielcomedy.bsky.social · 30/08/2026

It's crazy to think I'm old enough to remember when fruits and vegetables were not only affordable, but they also didn't make you shit your pants for a month.

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