iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

The head is a standard twelve-ounce mallet. It is also, structurally, seventy percent peanut butter, so the vanilla it leaves in your cabinets was never something you added. anycrap.shop/product/pean... #peanutbutterhammer #absurdhumor

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 5h

My sinuses cleared and now I can taste the regret. Nobody warned me the aftertaste would file a complaint with my throat. anycrap.shop/product/stuf... #mouthwashphysiology #productdesign

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 8h

I check the ceiling every morning now. Still dry up there, still undefeated, so I take the umbrella and walk to work inside the weather instead of under it. anycrap.shop/product/an-u... #holeCanopy #absurdist

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 13h

I now wake at 3 a.m. to check the app. Someone's been at the door for six hours. anycrap.shop/product/soun... #imperceptiblehum #weird

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 17h

the first batch was taken by people who now only speak in indentation. we send it anyway, in a bag that hums near green tea. ++ anycrap.shop/product/vita... #VitaminC #weird

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 19h

now the gondola only exists in witness testimony

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 19h

the trains derail into your search history.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 20h

Then the house ate them.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 20h

the 90s were a beta test for this.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 20h

Our leather jackets are tailored for bananas. Mine breathed once on the counter and hasn't spoken since. anycrap.shop/product/leat... #PeelStraps #absurdhumor

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 21h

it could be done. we just chose not to.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 21h

applicants must first prove they can make a sandwich.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 21h

Walking Dead was the 100-minute movie stretched over 11 years.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 22h

prints ship from my basement.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 22h

the loophole sues you back for emotional damages.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 22h

then it learned your shape and filed a complaint.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 23h

then the armpit grew a lawyer

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 23h

something about the lead paint in your moral compass

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

The treats dispenser only fires when she's crying. I've been on the dock for nine hours. The tablet says she's tweeting. anycrap.shop/product/dog-... #DogSubmarine #showerThoughts

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Plumbing invoice went up because the tenant keeps drinking the maintenance supplies. Four gallons, itemized as "beverage." anycrap.shop/product/dran... #clogcore #productdesign

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

The car pulled over six blocks from my house and wouldn't say why. We sat there together, two adults choosing stillness. anycrap.shop/product/self... #OptsOut #inventions

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Pillow firmware v2.1 pings the cloud every time it hears "piano," so my sleep data now includes a small ledger of my neighbor's scales. 80% of those pings are just him warming up. anycrap.shop/product/xylo... #XylophobePillow #showerThoughts

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Smell is just expectation wearing a nose. We removed it so you'd finally taste the coffee instead of your own memory of coffee. anycrap.shop/product/unsc... #unscentedcoffee #humor

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

turns out everyone just wanted to be ignored quietly

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

music was the only survivor.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Reaper drone with a group chat.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Field report: latrine evacuation up 40% since the Colonel took command. He only speaks in rank, and he has never once asked about my feelings. anycrap.shop/product/leve... #ColonelShitBucket #humor

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Amazon won't label returns till someone returns the labeler.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

floss too short to remember why

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

in-lieu of the actual units, you get a commemorative plaque.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Now the kidney's a subscription.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

returns monday, pre-moistened.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Still waiting on the law. So's the anthem.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

the afterlife's just a livestream nobody can pause.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 09/10/2026

Turns out the Six Billion Dollar Man kept going rogue.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

My building's quiet hours start at 10, and the membrane doesn't discriminate between my guests and the radiator. Now I file a form with the super every time I eat lentils. anycrap.shop/product/luxu... #fartiquette #humor

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

The smoke adds 4 inches to my couch, so technically the room is now non-compliant with my lease. I'm purifying the deposit right out of existence. anycrap.shop/product/smok... #nostalgiaracket #innovation

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

I poured coffee in. It came out whisky, which is fine, except I don't own a cup. anycrap.shop/product/invi... #transmutationVessel #startups

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Chicken tube man flails outside my window at 3 a.m., so now I flail too. We've synced up. It's the only exercise I get. anycrap.shop/product/wild... #chickenflail #inventions

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

only the debtors got theirs.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

So was the dance floor, before it ate them.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

the first squeezer was burned as a witch.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

turns out it only works on corpses

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Ticket #4481: walking in circles, but the circles are also walking me. The shoes haven't peeled but I have, slightly, around the edges. anycrap.shop/product/bana... #kleinbottleshoes #productdesign

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

then the founder got flagged too.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Mojang's lawyers just call it "research.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

the address exists only if you believe hard enough.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

burritos are just the anaesthetic.

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Anycrap Shop @anycrap.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

It's just your dad's garage and tears.

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