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Headlines & Punchlines

@anonymoussource.bsky.social
198 followers 460 following 601 posts

De-escalating the spin with pure sarcasm. Because 2026 is far too unhinged to take seriously. No DMs

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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
$1.8B is VERY real money. • WH Ballroom & East Wing: $927M • Qatar Jet Upgrades: $400M • Kennedy Center Overhaul: $285M • The trump Arch: $100M • National Garden of American Heroes: $40M • WH Helipad: $40M • New TV Ads: $20M • Reflecting Pool: $19M • Gilding Statues: $5.1M • Rose Garden: $1.9M
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/10/2026
(A) He’s not “giving” anyone $99 dollars. It’s OUR money. Taxpayer money. (B) What happened to the $2000 Tariff Rebate checks? (C) What happened to the $5000 DOGE Dividend checks?
yahoo.com
Trump announces a new ‘slush fund’ to send checks to 20 million Americans
The pledge comes weeks before the midterms, when Republicans could lose control of Congress
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 15/09/2026
According to Bloomberg, trump has made more stock trades than all of Congress COMBINED. trump or his money managers made nearly 28,700 trades btwn the time of his second inauguration and the end of June 2026. During that same period, Capitol Hill lawmakers reported about 22,200 transactions.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Here’s the $12,000 you will NEVER see: $2k tariff rebate - killed by basic economics $5k DOGE dividend - evaporated with the hype $5k midterm payoff - a carrot dangling entirely on your vote Don't spend it all in one imaginary place! 🤡 #TrumpDividend #DOGE #trump #TheEconomy
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Just so we're clear on the administration's 2026 glossary: ❌ Re-routing global energy sectors & risking American lives = "Small potatoes." 🥔 Trump's hurt feelings on any given Tuesday = A national emergency. 🚨
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
“she is “doing a very, very good job” and is “very highly respected” - trump talking about Venezuela’s interim president, Delcy Rodríguez 9/2/26 Meanwhile on planet Earth: a survey, conducted last month and cited by the WSJ, found Rodríguez has a 90% disapproval rating. trump will lie abt anything
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 04/09/2026
trump Foreign Policy Cycle Sun: Great Iran deal coming tease. Mon: Moving smoothly. Tue: TACO Tuesday, deal’s off. Wed: We already won the war. Thu: It’s not a "war." Fri: Iran crying for a new deal. Sat: Golfing. Doesn’t care about Iran anymore. Sun: Repeat. #Iran #War #trump
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/09/2026
War? It’s not a war. - This is like like when I tell my doctor I don't drink 'beer,' I just enjoy 'fermented barley smoothies.'
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 02/09/2026
War with Iran by the numbers - The September 2nd Edition The U.S. has been at war with Iran for 6 months Social media trackers & news outlets report that trump has declared the U.S. has won or defeated Iran more than 106 times (with total victory or "destroyed" claims reaching up to 201 instances)
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
An absolute gift to us all. #rip
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 25/08/2026
Collins is the cat that stands at the door meowing desperately to be let out. You get up, open the door, hold it open while she sniffs the air & acts torn about whether she wants to go out or not. Then, after making you freeze for 5 mins, she turns around & walks back into the house.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
The Canadian trade war is a distraction from the Iran war, which was a distraction from the economy, which was a distraction from tariff policy, which was a distraction from DOGE, which was a distraction from ICE deportations, which was a distraction from the Epstein files.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
It’s like selling your furniture and kitchen appliances to pay down your mortgage. Your debt-to-income ratio looks fantastic, but you’re microwaving Hot Pockets on the floor.
cnbc.com
Bessent could tap near $1 trillion Treasury General Account to fund bond buybacks, sources said
Using the TGA would provide the Treasury with considerable firepower to influence long-term bond yields.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/08/2026
Approval Comparison: Mark Carney (Canada): 61% trump (U.S.): 33% * Carney is pulling majority support, while trump is barely polling at a clearance-rack discount
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 22/08/2026
Rep. Tom Kean Jr. has time to fundraise, but no time to respond to a debate request. Still wondering whether he’ll return the $54,000 he earned from the 116 days he missed work. You know, because he voted against mandatory paid sick leave for Americans.
newjerseyhills.com
League of Women Voters debate cancelled, one still planned
A planned League of Women Voters (LWV) debate between U.S.Rep. Tom Kean Jr., R-7, and Democratic challenger Rebecca Bennett will not be held after Kean did not respond to the
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 21/08/2026
“Let me tell you, we won. In the first hour it was over” - trump on 3/11/26 talking about war with Iran during a rally in Hebron, Kentucky
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
Think back to the World Cup final. That’s the last time Melania was seen in public.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 19/08/2026
During a SC debate last night, interim Senator Darline Graham (Lindsey’s sister) was asked about Taiwan and replied, “I’m just gonna be honest—I’m not that informed on national security.” Forget the Senate, she’s angling for a trump cabinet position.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Alaska making things more interesting than a traffic jam caused by a nap-taking muskox
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Putting aside trump’s dedication to the delusion, repetition isn’t a form of peer review
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
Between explosive diarrhea lettuce and salmonella eggs, weekend brunch has officially become a high-stakes survival game.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
Anyone know if Kalshi is taking bets on whether the Washington reflecting pool or the Strait of Hormuz opens first.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Truth Social Facts: It spends $140 for every $1 dollar it brings in. The summer has seen sharp, double-digit drops in monthly visitors. Shares of DJT have collapsed 77% from their previous highs.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
Sometimes ideology is just what you call Plan B after a humiliating failure Plan A
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
trump’s White House Renovation Projects Are Closing In on $1 Billion.
mediaite.com
Price Tag for Trump’s White House Renovations Reportedly Hits Eye-Popping Total — and Rising
Fast-moving demolition and seemingly never-ending construction projects at the White House have come with a massive price-tag, according to The Washington Post.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
One sentence, 3 total lies. trump during a stop w/ reporters at Joint Base Andrews last night: ”More people are working right now in the United States than ever before, and prices are dropping fast. Iran is going fine. It’s going just absolutely fine. We totally control the Strait of Hormuz.“
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 12/08/2026
If you bet the Pillow Guy would lose the Minnesota election, refuse to concede, AND claim it was rigged, you cleaned up.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 11/08/2026
Imagine being the Secret Service agent whose job is to say: “Sir, we need you to get into the catering truck.” And then realizing this is somehow the least embarrassing part of your day.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
This! ⬇️
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 10/08/2026
Happy Hormuz Monday, everyone! Time once again for Iran to be “very close” to a deal that apparently exists somewhere just beyond the horizon. #IranianNegotiationGroundhogDay #trump #iran #politics
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
Next month, when the numbers are inevitably weird again, I assume he'll tell us the economy is booming, but the data is just currently stuck behind a slow-moving tractor in Nebraska
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
If that’s the look he was going for, he nailed it!
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
This from the guy who just yesterday told us the Melania movie is a box-office smash and that the U.S. is somehow draining 'billions of barrels' of oil out of Venezuela.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 06/08/2026
The phrase ‘latest grift’ suggests we’re all expected to keep a running spreadsheet. Impossible.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Government by executive order. Economics by subscription model.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
What Mark said ⤵️
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Imagine being so corrupt and so disliked that even FIFA doesn’t want you.
reuters.com
England set to follow Wales in withdrawing support for Infantino re-election
The backlash against FIFA President Gianni Infantino's failed plan to sell a stake in the World Cup intensified.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
Well, it’s Sunday evening, and we’re once again being told that a deal with Iran is imminent. At this point, the market opening bell must get its own briefing.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
Rand Paul’s mother secretly calls into his virtual town hall.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 28/07/2026
So much winning
youtube.com
A look back at Trump’s first 100 days of the Iran War being almost over
YouTube video by The Daily Show
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
Missed more than 140 congressional votes, but had perfect attendance when it came time to taking care of his portfolio.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 25/07/2026
It’s amazing how often ‘public service’ and ‘private opportunity’ seem to share a calendar.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
1991 - Silence of the Lambs swept the Oscars, Nirvana made their major-label debut with Nevermind and Tim Berners-Lee released the first-ever web page to the public. 1991 was also the final year of a severe nationwide measles epidemic in the U.S. - until now. Thanks RFK Jr!
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
On Tuesday, July 21, 2026, Robert F. Kennedy Jr. told reporters "we do have the outbreak under control.” It’s almost as if he isn’t qualified to be Health and Human Services Secretary
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
Well it’s Friday again. Time for the trump disappearing act, followed by a Sunday reappearance with freshly covered hand bruises and another announcement about Iran begging for a deal that’s perfectly timed for Monday morning Wall Street trading.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
The most reliable stage of every controversy: the hindsight tour.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
#PinkyHerman 😂😂😂
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Tell us you don’t know the difference between a ”primary” and “general” election in just two ALL-CAPS sentences
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
They’re not asking for a faithful adaptation. They’re asking for an adaptation that matches a book they’ve never read and don’t understand.
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Headlines & Punchlines @anonymoussource.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Taking campaign money from someone whose name later appears in the Epstein files isn’t evidence that Susan Collins was involved in anything. She doesn’t need help earning criticism—her Senate record does that just fine.
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