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Andrew Bohrer

@andrewbohrer.bsky.social
552 followers 395 following 1.4K posts

writer, illustrator, bartender, cocktail historian, knight-errant, shaggy-dog, andrewbohrer.com

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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 1h
Drug store playing techno Elton John remixes: “I hope this place burns to the ground.” Natural food store playing Sade: “I wonder if they are hiring?”
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 1h
Just sitting on the shelf at CVS, alone, and unawarded.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 5h
I AM BECOME MODERATOR DISTILLER OF ANECDOTES
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 07/10/2026
Six digit bathroom code? You know it’s a tough neighborhood.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 06/10/2026
Shoutout to whichever neighborhood put a Halloween candy bowl in the lobby. Turns out I always want half a Snickers.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 05/10/2026
If I post: “I enjoy the color violet.” Bluesky Response: 0 likes, one Pulitzer Prize journo says “you know the original purple dye was made from sea snail mucus.” Threads Respond: 12 likes, 20 replies from stans of color green trying to ratio you. Twitter response: “that’s because your a cuck”
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 02/10/2026
Thrown out of an event for protesting by a security guard: “I understand sir, you are just doing your job.” By a boomer attendee: MUTHA FUCKA YOU ARE GOING TO DIE TONITE
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 01/10/2026
I don’t do bad reviews. But… How bad does a #restaurant have to be on service to drop them a line?
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Good news bad news: Bad news: there’s a very small window in life in which lunch beers are viable. Good news: quality lunch beer options continue to improve.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 29/09/2026
Me playing Lego #Batman: I AM the world’s greatest detective, surely nobody has ever figured out this secret! The game: Good job buddy, that’s just how you get to the next room, and this is still the tutorial, but good job. Me: I AM VENGEANCE, I AM THE NIGHT…
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 28/09/2026
Protesting is important and what not, but also, bulldozer rentals in Ithaca NY are surprisingly affordable. www.miltonrents.com/rentals/eart...
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Is #Batman bridge and tunnel?
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 23/09/2026
Happy #negroniweek to all those who celebrate
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
How your email finds me
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Last gin & tonic of the summer. Because it’s fall tomorrow.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
I don’t know what I was doing, but I clearly digested well and I probably should’ve tipped that last 20. 
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 22/09/2026
Haven’t worn these pants in like a year, what’s in the pocket? 
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
We are in a cognitive window in which a savvy aid could, in a Spinal Tap-esque way, convince him that the arch is done, and he is holding it in his hand.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 20/09/2026
Slightly, but I believe it is more pretzel related
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I ate a calorically significant amount of mustard. AMA
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 19/09/2026
I’m 46 years old, I’ve worked hard all my life but I’ve also been lucky. I tried to be the man who’d someday get this email. I’m finally that man. I’m crying a little.
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Reposted by Andrew Bohrer
CocktailMD @cocktailmd.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
now entering my lexicon:
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Reposted by Andrew Bohrer
The Serfs (youtube.com/theserfstv) @theserfstv.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
This is the most masculine video on the internet right now
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
I am not a fun person. But it makes me happy that people I’ve met over the years will text me videos of them sabering champagne. I have at least, “taught fun.”
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
The mysterious land of Portland
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 18/09/2026
If you serve me from this indeed lovely glass and I shall know it was stolen from Scotch Lodge.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
That’s why I’ve been chilling with Absolute Green Arrow, a totally unrealistic comic about abusive billionaires. Wait…
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 17/09/2026
The current plagues of DC Comic’s Gotham City are pollen and dick pics. I thought I was here to take a break from reality.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
T.J. Maxx employee to me: “do you want a bag?“ “No, let them know who I am.”
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
IDK, at least 3 of 4 are just Déjà vu
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Year four of a world superpower slowly invading a small country, losing.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Robot spies
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Concentration camps
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Voter suppression prolly illegal
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Look, only people well familiar with colonoscopy protocols read the news this way, but when you take in the full front page, 2026, W T F?
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
*Kash Patel fucked a barrel of fish.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Having a dozen drafts of jokes about FBI agents and bestiality seems like fish in a barrel* for a satirist but it’s actually just the apocalypse for all of us.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Because we know this is only half of the bracket, the other half: Rice vs sugar
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
I so wish that definition of good vs evil wasn’t the fight of our times. Because the fight of our times could be: Corn or potato: which is more important?
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 16/09/2026
Don’t pretend you can stop at this one, you need those ani-men in the next issue 
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 13/09/2026
Painted up a #dungeonsanddragons questers box for the players at my table who need readers: all of us.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 11/09/2026
Just another morning seeing if what I read in the news is real.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Shoutout to Buffalo Trace keeping a human employed sending out a press release that Pappy Van Winkle, exists. They didn’t need to pay someone to do this, but it not an AI flyer.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 10/09/2026
Bartenders know more secrets than data brokers but we don’t know anything and you weren’t even here.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 08/09/2026
Uncelebrated glow up.
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Reposted by Andrew Bohrer
Sanho Tree @sanho.bsky.social · 07/09/2026
“A self-described “anarcho-confectioner,” Mr. Godin led the International Patisserie Brigade, a gang of custard commandos who referred to their assaults as entartements. They deployed pies with soft crusts to ensure that their caloric projectiles would only injure pride.”🫡
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 06/09/2026
I’m not into sports but I love sports people. Because I think being opinionated is cool.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
To fuck with an old person is to perchance make an enemy with someone who knows the pain of having plucked a white nose hair.
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Andrew Bohrer @andrewbohrer.bsky.social · 01/09/2026
Imagine being so flaky at your job that you brag about showing up to work.
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