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Alan Faustino

@ahfaustinomd.bsky.social
5.1K followers 544 following 6.7K posts

🧠 Mind, 🎸 Music, 💪 Muscle, and 🌀 Mayhem. 🤨 ..🎶 classic rock, and ⚡heavy riffs. 🐢 Conquering life’s chaos, one rep and riff at a time.

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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 01/10/2026
Man Who Lost Everything In Crypto Just Wishes Several Thousand More People Had Warned Him theonion.com/man-who-lost-everythin…
Man Who Lost Everything In Crypto Just Wishes Several Thousand More People Had Warned Him
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The Onion @theonion.com · 30/09/2026
Trump Warns Iran To Accept His Ultimatum Or Face Wrath Of Next Ultimatum theonion.com/trump-warns-iran-to-ac…
Trump Warns Iran To Accept His Ultimatum Or Face Wrath Of Next Ultimatum
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 30/09/2026
Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!
Lost in Space Professor bad guy action hero ripped with six-pack abs
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The Onion @theonion.com · 29/09/2026
Trump To Rename AI ‘Super Intelligence’ On All U.S. Documents theonion.com/trump-to-rename-ai-sup…
“Even the Constitution?”

Anton Pastranak, Systems Analyst
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The Onion @theonion.com · 27/09/2026
World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice theonion.com/worlds-scientists-admi…
World's Scientists Admit They Just Don't Like Mice
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
Stunning... #Colosseum #ancientRome #architecture
Colosseum at night
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 27/09/2026
I like learning something new every day... it won't solve the world's problems, but it sure makes me feel better when I learn something I never knew existed.
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 23/09/2026
American Medical Association: ‘Huge Biceps Are Only Thing That Matters’ theonion.com/american-medical-assoc…
American Medical Association: ‘Huge Biceps Are Only Thing That Matters’
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 22/09/2026
Trump Proposes Installation Of Sniper Nest Atop Barron theonion.com/trump-proposes-install…
Trump Proposes Installation Of Sniper Nest Atop Barron
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The Onion @theonion.com · 16/09/2026
Congress Passes $430,000/Hour Minimum Wage For Billionaires To learn more about America's gaping wealth gap, head to youtube.com/politizane.
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Robert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 14/09/2026
"True individual freedom cannot exist without economic security and independence. People who are hungry and out of a job are the stuff of which dictatorships are made.” —FDR, 1944
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The Onion @theonion.com · 12/09/2026
Slipknot Travels To India To Begin Psychedelic, Free-Love Phase Of Career theonion.com/slipknot-travels-to-in…
Slipknot Travels To India To Begin Psychedelic, Free-Love Phase Of Career
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 12/09/2026
Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm
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The Onion @theonion.com · 11/09/2026
Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm
Trump Promises To Take $5,000 From Every American If Democrats Win Midterm
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 11/09/2026
“I was on top of the North Tower during the attacks, and after I rescued a couple hundred people, I had to jump because there were too many flames for even me to deal with.” — President Donald Trump
theonion.com
Trump Claims He Was Falling Man
WASHINGTON—Saying America could frankly be more grateful for the enduring image he provided, President Donald Trump claimed Wednesday that he was the previously unidentified Falling Man captured midai...
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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/09/2026
Trump Claims 9/11 Attacks Happening Every Day In Democratic Cities theonion.com/trump-claims-9-11-atta…
Trump Claims 9/11 Attacks Happening Every Day In Democratic Cities
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The Onion @theonion.com · 08/09/2026
Masochist GOP Congressman Begs Town Hall Attendees To Destroy Him
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The Onion @theonion.com · 05/09/2026
Jets Hope To Sell More Merchandise With New ‘Philadelphia Eagles’–Themed Jerseys
theonion.com
Jets Hope To Sell More Merchandise With New ‘Philadelphia Eagles’–Themed Jerseys
EAST RUTHERFORD, NJ—Hoping that imagery strongly associated with success and winning will reignite fan enthusiasm, the New York Jets unveiled a line of “Philadelphia Eagles”–themed alternate jerseys T...
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Robert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 05/09/2026
Federal minimum wage in: 2009: $7.25 2010: $7.25 2011: $7.25 2012: $7.25 2013: $7.25 2014: $7.25 2015: $7.25 2016: $7.25 2017: $7.25 2018: $7.25 2019: $7.25 2020: $7.25 2021: $7.25 2022: $7.25 2023: $7.25 2024: $7.25 2025: $7.25 2026: $7.25 Folks, it's time to raise the damn wage already.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 03/09/2026
“Some of the biggest names in Hollywood are in the running, but a dark horse contender from Petco is making a big impression” — anonymous source
theonion.com
Amazon MGM Narrows List Of James Bond Candidates To 6 Actors, 1 Extremely Suave Ferret
CULVER CITY, CA—Amidst intense speculation over who would next portray the iconic secret agent, a source within Amazon MGM Studios revealed Wednesday that producers had narrowed down their list of Jam...
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The Onion @theonion.com · 28/08/2026
HHS Replaces Childhood Vaccination Schedule With List Of Recommended Animal Bites theonion.com/hhs-replaces-childhood…
HHS Replaces Childhood Vaccination Schedule With List Of Recommended Animal Bites
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 23/08/2026
Study: Not Many Disco Songs About Daytime theonion.com/study-not-many-disco-s…
Study: Not Many Disco Songs About Daytime
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The Onion @theonion.com · 19/08/2026
Trump Unveils New 250-Foot Gilded Catering Container For Presidential Travel theonion.com/trump-unveils-new-250-…
Trump Unveils New 250-Foot Gilded Catering Container For Presidential Travel
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The Onion @theonion.com · 19/08/2026
White House Confirms It Customary For President To Start Press Conference With ‘Moo’ theonion.com/white-house-confirms-i…
White House Confirms It Customary For President To Start Press Conference With ‘Moo’
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ChiChi Greenblatt @chichigreenblatt.bsky.social · 18/08/2026
The Internet
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The Onion @theonion.com · 17/08/2026
Todd Blanche Vows To Remain Fully Independent Of The Law theonion.com/todd-blanche-vows-to-r…
Todd Blanche Vows To Remain Fully Independent Of The Law
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MeidasTouch @meidastouch.com · 15/08/2026
Yes, Hunter has been abducted by the aliens.
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 13/08/2026
“ PURPLE COMPASS JELLYFISH “ // Daniela Daines
purple jellyfish
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The Onion @theonion.com · 13/08/2026
Scientist Explains Microplastics Can’t Hurt You Because They Are Actually Very Small
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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/08/2026
Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land theonion.com/study-dolphins-not-so-…
Study: Dolphins Not So Intelligent On Land
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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/08/2026
BREAKING: Dogs Running
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The Onion @theonion.com · 10/08/2026
Dept. Of Interior Grills Up Nation’s Remaining Endangered Species theonion.com/dept-of-interior-grill…
Dept. Of Interior Grills Up Nation’s Remaining Endangered Species
Threatened Animals Finished Off At White House BBQ
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Kinley 🦋 Brenda @bluthrunthru.bsky.social · 03/08/2026
📣 A shout out to several new friends at the #BreakfastCrew today! @theeagles.bsky.social @blanketforttags.bsky.social @tedizimmermann.bsky.social @littlejames99.bsky.social @chanisykes.bsky.social @dhanson1324.bsky.social @mrsmurillotoyou.bsky.social @sharonval.bsky.social @resist4747.bsky.social
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Mina Kimes @minakimes.bsky.social · 02/08/2026
East LA folks—delicious sopes for sale in El Sereno with proceeds going to help a local kid who’s going to Yale this fall. Go check it out!
2121 n eastern ave 12-5 pm
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 30/07/2026
Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout theonion.com/congress-interrogates-…
Congress Interrogates Fauci Over Origins Of Pie Brought To Cookout
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
𝕊𝕦𝕟𝕕𝕒𝕖 𝔾𝕦𝕣𝕝 @sundaedivine.lol · 30/07/2026
"Groceries too expensive? Have you tried eating like a medieval peasant?"
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 30/07/2026
"The only true courage I have is to feel everything." ~ Anais Nin
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The Onion @theonion.com · 27/07/2026
Profits Soar As Taylor Farms Rebrands As Biological Weapons Manufacturer
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Karly Kingsley @karlykingsley.bsky.social · 26/07/2026
Consumers pay tariffs Consumers pay tariffs Consumers pay tariffs Consumers pay tariffs Consumers pay tariffs Consumers pay tariffs
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Robert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 24/07/2026
The cyclospora outbreak has reached 7,400 cases across 9 states. The FDA just recalled 1.6 million eggs due to salmonella contamination. Screwworm cases continue to rise. And we’ve just surpassed 2,300 measles cases — breaking 2025’s record. “Make America Healthy Again.”
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🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 23/07/2026
Boom - as the song says... Let It Be.
Love is allowing the ones you care about to be themselves with no assistance from you.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 22/07/2026
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs theonion.com/u-s-mint-unveils-serie…
U.S. Mint Unveils Series Of Gold Coins Commemorating President’s Extramarital Affairs
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Good morning, Blueskyers! Has a baby egret ever judged you... Now it has.
Funny photo of a baby egret with a fuzzy head.
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
🖌 Myandra sez: 🖍 Impeach the MF'er soon. We're waiting. @myandra.bsky.social · 21/07/2026
(Frankonia, New Hampshire) How many of you are ready for fall, y'all?
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The Onion @theonion.com · 20/07/2026
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer theonion.com/nation-wakes-up-from-s…
Nation Wakes Up From Strange Dream Where They Were Watching Soccer
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Tay @itspbtwo.bsky.social · 19/07/2026
😭😫🤦🏻‍♀️
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Robert Reich @rbreich.bsky.social · 27/06/2026
Republicans have been using the same old scare tactics about "socialism" for decades. Don't take my word for it. Take Harry Truman's.
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The Onion @theonion.com · 23/06/2026
Tesla Launches New Model Of Explosions
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The Onion @theonion.com · 23/06/2026
GOP Urges Democrats To Tone Down Rhetoric Used To Quote President Verbatim theonion.com/gop-urges-democrats-to…
GOP Urges Democrats To Tone Down Rhetoric Used To Quote President Verbatim
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Reposted by Alan Faustino
The Onion @theonion.com · 22/06/2026
U.K. Weighs Social Media Ban Of Everyone Except Old Men Who Grow Big Vegetables theonion.com/u-k-weighs-social-medi…
U.K. Weighs Social Media Ban Of Everyone Except Old Men Who Grow Big Vegetables
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