AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 9hYou ever get a box of Hot Tamales that tastes suspiciously like a box of cherry Mike and Ike’s just got a little dash of cinnamon? (I guess this is mostly for @poopfoot.bsky.social.) 140
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 30/09/2026They are training a new tech guy today, and…static.klipy.comStantwt Beamsweep Laughing and Biting FingerALT: Stantwt Beamsweep Laughing and Biting Finger 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026It should not be this hard to make labels with Mail Merge in Microsoft Word. 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026My objective is to ask so many questions that you regret asking me to do something you could’ve done a hundred times faster in the first place. 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 28/09/2026First, I said, “Who?” So I went to Spotify to see if I recognized any of her music, and then I said, “Who??” 120
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 27/09/2026If you want to like Taylor Swift, fine. I can’t stop you. But what we’ve got to stop doing is talking about her like she’s this prolific songwriter, ‘cause she’s not. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 26/09/2026Watching that racist make-up “mogul” lash out like a cornered rat over women’s appearances and financial statuses all ‘cause his products were found in a dollar store is the kind of karma you wait your whole life to see. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026I’m sorry, but this sounds like it’s about to be the messiest, most convoluted season ever. 011
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 24/09/2026Feel kinda bad watching all these parents waste their time trying to convince the school board not to close their children’s schools when their decision has already been made.static.klipy.comFirst Time Meme - The Ballad Of Buster ScruggsALT: First Time Meme - The Ballad Of Buster Scruggs 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 23/09/2026A psychic once told me that the number 3 will be very important throughout my life, and to pay attention when it appears. Just dawned on me that Chicago is the third largest city in the U.S. Wonder if this also means the reason I struggle so much with love is that I’m meant to be in a throuple… 🤔 110
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 22/09/2026I think I’m gonna have to stop going to drag shows ‘til they impose a folding fan ban. 🙉 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 20/09/2026Gas was $3.69/gallon when I left on the 10th. Just went to fill up, and it’s $4.29?! I mean, I’ll take it since it was almost $6 in Chicago, but…are we great yet, America? 140
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 20/09/2026C is for Cody, Connor, Chad, Cranidos, “Call Your Girlfriend”… 110
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 19/09/2026To the girl in the “Y’all Need Jesus” shirt, y’all need to close your mouth when you chew. 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 19/09/2026I shouldn’t be crying this much over a freakin’ Real Housewives episode. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 19/09/2026It is my dream to be on ‘The Traitors’ as a Traitor. I really think I could pull it off, but you know what I couldn’t pull off? Pretending to be that excited to see anyone at breakfast. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 19/09/2026This week was Mental Health Awareness Week at school, so yesterday, our counselors and I distributed “copecakes” to students after they wrote a healthy coping strategy on a poster. One boy wrote “gooning,” and we obviously had to reprimand him, but…static.klipy.comALT: 030
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 18/09/2026I’m all about having a friendly seat neighbor on the plane, but I think this woman wants to be besties. I just wanna read my book, sis. 130
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 17/09/2026The perpetual anxiety of wondering if there’s a place to return your dishes or if the employees bus your table. 030
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 17/09/2026Did I just like a post about Hamburger Mary’s sweet potato fries?static.klipy.comTokyo Toni saying "Well Yes!"ALT: Tokyo Toni saying "Well Yes!" 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 16/09/2026I hate when I want to shade someone, but it is so blatantly obviously who I’m talking about that I have to “keep it in the drafts” (a.k.a. text @cheatsy.bsky.social). 140
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 16/09/2026This is probably not culturally appropriate, but I’m still thinking about the girl who—after our 12-course, $100+ omakase last night—said, “Okay, what’re we all eating after this?” 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 16/09/2026Course 3 of 12 was my favorite: fluke with sour plum and yuzu leaf. Also, I pride myself on trying anything once, but I don’t think I need to have salmon roe ever again. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026An afternoon at MCA followed by my very first omakase experience! 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026A group of ladies on Michigan Ave. asked me for directions, and I was actually able to help them! I’m a city girl!static.klipy.comMegan Thee Stallion Periodt Hair FlipALT: Megan Thee Stallion Periodt Hair Flip 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 15/09/2026Don’t get me wrong—I LOVE Mexican food, but it’s kind of nice to go from Kansas City, where you can’t throw a stone without hitting a Mexican restaurant, to Chicago, where you can’t throw a stone without hitting an Asian restaurant. Ramen, sushi, and crab rangoon on every corner? This is heaven. 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 14/09/2026It should not be controversial to be anti-genocide. 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026“Oh, your Diet Coke here’s a little…earthy.” “It comes from the lake!” “Oh okay! Lakey!” 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026A really cute actor who was in an episode of one of my favorite shows of all time followed me back on Instagram. 🫠 010
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026What’s worse: people who stand up on the plane as soon as it pulls to the gate, or people who stand in the boarding line before boarding has even begun? 001
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 11/09/2026Kansas City, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but nobody hot coming to you from Dallas tonight. 210
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 10/09/2026Am I an overthinker? Well, I just spent 15 seconds debating the order of emojis in a message and whether or not they would change the meaning, soooo… 040
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 10/09/2026I’m really sick of these cam girl bot accounts spamming my Instagram. Y’all could not be barking up a wronger tree. 020
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 09/09/2026Probably TMI (don’t care, this is my diary now), but an ingrown hair on my inner thigh two days before I’m about to be walking everywhere for a week is so on-brand for me. 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026Stop me from buying the Jirkin on TikTok. It’s a jelly Birkin! And it comes in like, 14 colors! 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 08/09/2026You guyssss, the Ocarina of Time remake for Switch 2 looks soooo good. I’m about to be so broke. 🥹 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 06/09/2026My ideal Sunday consists of intermittent napping while Tomb Raider II gameplay videos play in the background.static.klipy.comTomb Raider 3: Lara Croft ShootingALT: Tomb Raider 3: Lara Croft Shooting 000
AARON SIMON @aaronsimon.bsky.social · 06/09/2026I don’t know if the pressure of my bidet attachment has changed or what, but the number of times I’ve accidentally douched myself this week is crazy. 010
