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Aaron Segman

@aaronsegman.bsky.social
409 followers 674 following 602 posts

Neurodivergent weird fiction writer. Witness to Our Stupid Future™. Here's a buncha emojis so I don't have to use words like some medieval shit-shoveler. 🫀👻💋🐭🐙☄🤦🏻‍♂️🤦‍♀️🤦 He/they

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Reposted by Aaron Segman
Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 07/08/2026
tries to phone it in gets busy signal
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
"Hope" in large letters on top, "Obama face" in small letters in the middle, "am I doing this right?" In large letters on the bottom
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 08/08/2026
We're not even gonna consider the possibility that the cats stole the boat themselves? And don't gimme this "afraid of water" crap. They're predators who eat fish.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 22/07/2026
Nobody talks about the guy who loved pushing boulders and had to spend eternity watching Sisyphus.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 11/07/2026
Britain's version of Vermin Supreme youtu.be/91YA8OhICI4
youtu.be
Count Binface on Newsnight
YouTube video by Nimrod Kamer
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Kevin Smith's Aguirre, the Wrath of God
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 07/07/2026
Rob Zombie's The Last Unicorn
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 02/07/2026
#mentalhealth advocates, part of this video is about Tom Kean, the congressman treated for depression. Putting aside the complaints over how he went about it, I want to ask what you think about 2 things: youtu.be/SFJsu9djeWY?... #depression #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness
youtu.be
McConnell FOUND UNCONSCIOUS, Health UNKNOWN
YouTube video by Breaking Points
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 11/05/2026
Watch the Llamas With Hats guy's classy, measured response to the absurdity of censorship. youtu.be/ZtYLiBIbeng
youtu.be
YouTube has removed "Ferrets"
YouTube video by FilmCow
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
On a scale of tulpa to egregore, you're about a sleep paralysis demon.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 19/04/2026
What is your favourite Bible verse? (wrong answers only) "In 16 separate incidences, villages were able to independently invent "flesh interfaces" and "non-electrical portals", and it was surmised that these villages were being collectively dosed with LSD for long periods of time" Mother Horse 2:5
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 06/04/2026
Depluralize a movie: One Billboard Outside Ebbing, Missouri
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 21/03/2026
Could we just stop inventing things? Would that be so hard? youtu.be/qqze6aNB328
youtu.be
Your Unspoken Words Can Now Be Read by MIT's Alterego
YouTube video by CNET
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 05/03/2026
There should be a sitcom called Jose's Heroes where Al Madrigal leads a group of ICE detainees who smuggle people out of the detention camp under the noses of a bumbling commandant (William Shatner) and an overweight sergeant (Stavros Halkias). With Marcello Hernandez as LeBeau.
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Reposted by Aaron Segman
Роберт @mrhyperpcs.bsky.social · 20/02/2026
#WORD
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 29/01/2026
From the same person who makes Squarewords. It's pretty fun. #WQers explainle.org
explainle.org
Explainle
A word explanation game.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
#MakeAFilmCheaper Brewster's Thousands
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 02/01/2026
Making Jell-O just to congeal something
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Reposted by Aaron Segman
Tripp 3tych Gustin @trippgustin.bsky.social · 31/12/2025
Happy #Cartoonber2025 with the @cartoonist.coop!!! Our team told the short tale of Juan Jotters and his quest to expand sexy costumes beyond Halloween (and get rich doing it) Script: @aaronsegman.bsky.social Pencils: @strandedcomics.com Inks: @gwinga.bsky.social Color/Lettering: Me! #comicoop
A page from the short comic "Hot Couture".
Panel 1: EXT: A store with a banner that says "Halloween Store".
Juan: There it is, Morbert. The savvy penny-pincher's secret to HOT COUTURE!

Panels 2-4: Juan Jotters, a man that looks like a cross between John Waters and Raul Julia's Gomez Addams, raises his arms excitedly. He wears a white tiger stripe suit and a hot pink shirt. Beside him is Morbert, his stoic androgynous assistant, who carries a clipboard with a pencil behind their ear. They are wearing a purple suit and opaque glasses, and never show any expressions. Behind them, two passersby look at the strange characters with suspicion and delight.
Morbert: HAUTE couture, sir.
Juan: Can't you FEEL it, my friend? Commerce! Celebracion! AMERICA!!"

Panel 5: Juan calls out to Kevin, the retail drone. Kevin is a short and stout man with red hair and a beard, wearing an orange vest and carrying several boxes. Kevin yells out in shock. Behind them are several racks of sexy costumes, most of which look like Catwoman.
Juan: MY GOOD MAN!
Kevin: AAA!
Juan: Pray tell, where are your lounge lizard costumes? The ones formerly in Aisle 6, where the revealing super-heroic costumes are currently situated?

Panel 6: 
Kevin: We're not selling lounge lizard outfits this year. The "revealing costumes" are "situated" over half the store. They're our biggest seller.
Juan: SCANDAL! Why, a store that abandons its staple offerings will sink in the shifting sands of popular faddery! Where is the LOYALTY to longtime CUSTOMERS?

Panel 7:
Kevin: Hey man, all anyone wants to spend MONEY on is sexy costumes.

Panel 8:
Juan: Money, you say...?

Panel 9:
Juan: Do you realize what this MEANS, Morbert?
Morbert: You can't buy a new jacket, Sir?
Juan: Pish-posh! When I'm done, we shall bathe in a pool of the FINEST jackets!

Panel 10:
Juan: For if the lucre flows to sexy costumes, then we shall open our own store... of nothing BUT sexy costumes!
Kevin: Sir, no planning rival businesses in the store...The second page in the comic "Hot Couture".

Panel 1: The exterior of the same storefront from the previous page, now with a vibrant pink banner that says "Trick AND Treat".

Panel 2: The interior of the store, in which several sexy costumes are showcased. Sexy Bride and Groom! Sexy Pirate! Sexy Ghosts! Sexy Cthulu! Sexy Bernie (Sanders)! Juan carefully tailors the train of the sexy bride.

Panel 3: A montage of the ways Trick and Treat has helped Juan, Morbert, and a poached Kevin rise to fame and fortune. The three of them pose on the cover of Boo Business magazine, which reads "Juan Jotters! The New King of Kink!". Juan dives into pool filled with the finest jackets, accompanied by Kevin and Morbert. Juan guzzles champagne in a jacuzzi that is also filled with champagne.

Panel 4: Morbert approaches a hungover-looking Juan, holding out a piece of paper. Beside him is a bottle labeled "Sweet Regrets Breakfast Champagne". 

Panel 5: Juan looks at the paper, eyes bloodshot and panicked. We see what he is looking at: a 12 month lease signed in his name.
Juan: Oh, ye GODS!The third page in the comic "Hot Couture".

Panel 1: Juan Jotters, Morbert, and Kevin stand in Juan's tackily ornate office. Juan is pacing frantically while his employees stand to the side.
Juan: By all the cats in CHINA Morbert! Why didn't you tell me I was signing a twelve-month lease?!
Morbert: I TRIED to review the terms with you, Sir.
Juan: Whatever shall we do? A retail establishment that exists ALL YEAR? How against type! How anti-hip! Shall we be GROCERS, Morbert???

Panel 2:
Kevin: Well, we can't sell Halloween costumes anymore. As soon as Halloween's over people immediately start thinking about Thanksgiving, and they..... you're doing that THING again, aren't you? Where something I said gives you an ide--

Panel 3: A close-up of Juan's face. His word balloons cut off Kevin's dialogue and extend into the next panel.
Juan: That's it, Morbert!
Kevin: Kevin.
Juan: Sexy THANKSGIVING costumes!

Panel 4: A montage spread of several different sexy costumes with accompanying text. The text for each costume reads:
Sexy Black Friday shopper! Sexy football player! Sexy Cornucopia! Sexy Turkey! Sexy Pumpkin Pie! Sexy Pilgrim! Sexy Native Ameri... actually nevermind. SEXY MACY'S THANKSGIVING DAY PARADE BALLOON!!!A comic page from "Hot Couture".

P1: Two news anchors with similar features, Bob and Tina, smile at the camera.
Bob: In other news, the Sexy Thanksgiving costume trend is sweeping the nation!
Tina: That's right, Bob!

P2: A scene from the white house, which is decorated to look like the film 1984 with Big Brother overhead. Donald Trump is in a sexy turkey costume being served by workers in Prole costumes.
Tina's VO: The President followed up his Halloween Great Gatsby Gala with a Turkey Day Bash based on another classic novel...

P3: A wide shot of the Turkey Day Bash, showing many attendees in sexy Thanksgiving outfits (pilgrims, wishbones, gravy boats) being served by Prole workers.
Tina's VO: Guests were decked out in the latest holiday fashion, showing SKIN as tantalizing turkeys and provocative pilgrims!

P4: A scene of Juan Jotters, Morbert, and Kevin celebrating in Juan's office from the previous page. Morbert pours them all champagne as they watch the news broadcast.
Morbert: We are a hit. I must admit that making Thanksgiving sexy was marketing genius.
Kevin: Aww, thanks Morb--
Juan: Merci beaucoup, Morbert! Your faith sustains me!
Bob's VO: I guess they were showing GRAVY skin, Tina!
Tina's VO: Trying too hard, Bob.

P5: Juan taps his chin in thought as the three discuss the problem.
Juan: But we've still ten more months of wretched obligation to our conniving landlord...
Morbert: We've probably made enough at this point to just buy the building.
Kevin: Or we could just expand our operations to other holida--

P6: A small popout panel of Juan emoting excitedly.
Juan: IT JUST CAME TO ME!
Kevin VO: Goddammit.

P7: A spread of more sexy holiday costumes, arranged by date. We see a sexy Santa, Father Time, Groundhog, Cupid, Leprechaun, and two Easter bunnies humping behind a "CENSORED" bar. Juan's head pops out of the page excitedly.
Juan: Now to keep profits coming in year round! Sexiness knows no season!

FIN
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 30/12/2025
One to rule them all youtube.com/shorts/2iB4p...
youtube.com
Audio by @_videojames_
YouTube video by Punkey Doodles
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 25/12/2025
Merry Boxing Day Eve, everyone.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 09/12/2025
You will be visited by three spirits
Carl SaganIsaac AsimovChristopher Hitchens
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 03/12/2025
Best ad ever. youtu.be/RHYbm6K0HlU
youtu.be
1 Onion Subscriber vs 20 Non-Subscribers | Encircled
YouTube video by The Onion
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 30/11/2025
William Tell: propelled to greatness by a psychotic hatred of apples. Follow your passion.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
This Thanksgiving, you may find yourself trying to tell your right-wing uncle that whenever the government says they want surveillance powers for X, they actually use them for Y, Z, and everything else. Here's a perfect recent example for you to use: theintercept.com/2025/11/21/f...
theintercept.com
How Universities Used Counterterror Intelligence-Sharing Hubs to Surveil Pro-Palestine Students
Internal university communications reveal how a network established for post-9/11 intelligence sharing was turned on students protesting genocide.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 23/11/2025
God, Pluribus just keeps getting better. Every damn week.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 12/11/2025
If you've never seen any of Stewart Lee's stand-up, it's worth seeking out. Even though many of the references were lost on me since I'm not from the UK, it's still fascinating to watch him command a space or totally pivot halfway through a bit. youtube.com/shorts/UpXBA...
youtube.com
Stewart Lee on Marvel in the era of Trump & ICE
YouTube video by Class Clown Podcast
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 10/11/2025
Chuckenshit www.thenation.com/article/poli...
thenation.com
After This Shutdown Surrender, Chuck Schumer Needs to Go
The Democratic leader’s cave-in makes it all too clear: It’s time to clean house in the Senate.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 04/11/2025
Robert California has just endorsed Andrew Cuomo
media.tenor.com
a man talking on a phone with the words you don 't even know my real name
ALT: a man talking on a phone with the words you don 't even know my real name
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 01/11/2025
Change one letter. Ruin a candy. Wizzlers
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Reposted by Aaron Segman
A Girl Of Many Fandoms @ofmanyfandoms.bsky.social · 31/10/2025
www.womansworld.com/entertainmen...
womansworld.com
A 1995 ‘Star Trek’ Episode About Homeless Camps Feels Eerily Relevant | Woman's World
In 1995, an episode of 'Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’ called 'Past Tense' imagined a future of walled-off homeless camps. Three decades later, its warning feels eerily real.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 26/10/2025
The scourge of grammar-based vandalism has got to be stopped.
A sign at the self-checkout line at the grocery store saying "10 items or less."Someone wrote in "fewer" next to "less."
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 01/10/2025
Apparently the judge in the Mahmoud Khahlil lawsuit got pretty feisty in calling out Trump. He's a Reagan appointee, too. That last line...oof. theintercept.com/2025/09/30/r...
theintercept.com
Judge Finds Rubio and Noem Intentionally Targeted Pro-Palestine Activists to Chill Speech
The unusual ruling considered the Trump administration’s targeting of students a clear violation of the First Amendment.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 30/09/2025
Ruin a movie by making it about Gary Gary Potter and the Gary Hallows, Part Gary
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 23/09/2025
Subtly downgrade a band Counting Cows
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 21/09/2025
This is what's making me laugh tonight. youtu.be/yA5lujNlkn8
youtu.be
Brother, I am troubled
YouTube video by burialgoods
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 19/09/2025
NSFW a Band Poon-Tang Clan or Cumbawumba
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 18/09/2025
Post a female character you love.
A woman taking a break from a hike, sitting on a small hill & looking out over the woods, while her dog gnaws on a stick.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 18/09/2025
The latest Bad Faith has some good discussion about being too online & how it plays into the hands of our feudal overlords. Ignore the headline about Taibbi. That was a small part of the ep & seemed kinda petty compared to the wide-ranging talk that followed. badfaith.libsyn.com/episode-510-...
badfaith.libsyn.com
Bad Faith: Episode 510 - Matt Taibbi's Free Speech Blind Spot (w/ Russell Dobular & Keaton Weiss)
 to instantly unlock our full premium episode library: Russell and Keaton from  return to Bad Faith to pick up where : The curious lacuna in journalist Matt Tabbi's coverage of censorship. ...
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 16/09/2025
Larry Tesler, inventor of the cut, copy, and paste commands, dies at 74
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
Make a band singular: The Mormon Tabernacle Guy
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
This is what has cheered me up tonight. youtu.be/lLeCkSoS0oQ
youtu.be
You Can Be Anything
YouTube video by Ben Palmer
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 14/09/2025
A bill for Soviet-style travel restrictions, brought to you by red, white & blue Republicans. It wouldn't do to have you leaving the country once they've made it great again. Aren't they just so American that it stirs your heart? theintercept.com/2025/09/13/m...
theintercept.com
New Bill Would Give Marco Rubio “Thought Police” Power to Revoke U.S. Passports
Secretary of State Marco Rubio has already sought to punish immigrants for speech. New legislation might let him revoke passports from U.S. citizens.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 13/09/2025
Late bloomers
A few newly bloomed roses, in a patch of rose bushes where all the other roses have bloomed and withered.
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 12/09/2025
Ball boys are The Tethered from Us. theonion.com/atp-reveals-...
theonion.com
ATP Reveals They’re Not Sure Where Ball Boys Come From
LONDON—Admitting complete ignorance as to the mysterious origins of the creatures, the Association of Tennis Professionals revealed to reporters Wednesday that they weren’t entirely sure where ball bo...
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 11/09/2025
Literally, Charlie Kirk's last act was dodging a question about gun violence. (Warning: while there's nothing to blur out because this person was standing a little behind him, the moment it happens is still kinda disturbing.) youtube.com/shorts/lpfxQ...
youtube.com
Charlie Kirk SHOOTING 4k, UP CLOSE ANGLE pray for Charlie's Family 🙏✝️
YouTube video by Z The Flipper
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 07/09/2025
The Onion almost parodying itself, by taking a pretty standard Onion article and completely derailing it halfway down the page. Do you know how weird you have to get to derail an Onion article? It's this. This is how weird. theonion.com/cyclist-frie...
theonion.com
Cyclist Friend Explains Necessity Of $35 Socks
MONESSEN, PA—Recreational cyclist Ethan Coseglia, 38, thoroughly explained the benefits of wearing $35 bike-riding socks to his friend Kevin Washburn Friday, saying that his specially designed socks a...
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 03/09/2025
GOP senator literally doesn't know what principles are. Some aide had to whisper in his ear, "Mr. Senator, principles are abstractions," only to get a puzzled look.
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Reposted by Aaron Segman
Chanda Prescod-Weinstein 🌌 @chanda.blacksky.app · 03/09/2025
I refuse to give em dashes to the AI
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Aaron Segman @aaronsegman.bsky.social · 02/09/2025
Ruin a movie by making it about Gary. The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill but Came Down Gary
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