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Zach the Soulstealer

@zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social

5.8K followers 5.5K following 8.7K posts

Just a blue guy in a blue town in a blue state. I love family, my doggy, movies, theater, a good mocha, narrating audiobooks and my town. No patience for any #MAGAmoron fuckery. You voted against people I care about. He/him. No DMs until I get to know you.

Posts Replies Media

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 19m

#watchingtonight: in honor of #Spooktober, I dedicate tonight to 🎶MUSICAL HORROR🎶. Up first, Little Shop of Horrors. I love the Roger Corman version (Corman just saying “fuck it. Have fun.”) Rick Moranis is such a nice little nebbish. And RIP, John Candy. Skid Row=GREAT song. #horror #movies

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Little Shop Of Horrors Singing Performance

ALT: Little Shop Of Horrors Singing Performance

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 3h

Yeah, #fuckAI in general. Absolutely. 100% all the way. HOWEVER… Can we all agree that if a guy chooses an AI woman over a real woman because “she won’t talk back” he was very likely a detriment to humanity to begin with? That’s a silver lining, right? #feminism #humor

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 9h

#IndigenousPeoplesDay is the day when a bunch of dumb-as-fucking-stumps white people go from pants shitting levels of fear over white replacement to celebrating a bloodthirsty madman doing to indigenous peoples what they fear other cultures are trying to do to them. Because irony is fucking extinct.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

#watchingtonight: another #Spooktober must for me, Innocent Blood. Imagine Goodfellas but with more vampires. Like…WAY more vampires because I’m fairly certain that Goodfellas didn’t have any vampires. #horror

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Innocent Blood Welcome To The Family

ALT: Innocent Blood Welcome To The Family

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 12/10/2026

Tonights #Spooktober #horror selection: Wait Until Dark. Who would have thought Edwards Scissorhands’ adoptive daddy could be so frigging scary? HOW DARE HE MAKE A BLIND AUDREY HEPBURN CRY!!!! And it has a classic “boo” moment. #movie #watchingtonight #Halloween

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

“The child was not harmed when the ICE officer shot into the car” is not a phrase I nor any American should ever have to hear. #abolishICE

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

#felon47: I could say the stupidest things and you’d still clap. #MAGAmorons:

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Seal Clapping Good Job

ALT: Seal Clapping Good Job

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

To all who respond to #IamJaneDoe by trolling or “playing Devils Advocate”…be you left, centrist or right….you KNOW you’re bottom fucking scum, right? Like you wake up every day and say “I am going to be bottom feeding fucking scum today.” #LetitiaJames… fucking curb stomp the #CornellRapists.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

#MAGAmorons on Islam…or trans people…or male accountability…or white replacement…or real American history: “I don’t get it.” Crow T. Robot: we’re not surprised. Seriously, even Ator managed a to make a hang glider out of sticks and his own feces. #humor #feminism #MST3k

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

#watchingtonight: #Ghostbusters: Afterlife. Hey, remember when Answer the Call was a major controversy? I didn’t care for it but I miss those innocent days. Afterlife was funnier, darker and had a more interesting protagonist in Phoebe. And Paul Rudd is always welcome. #horror #Spooktober

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Mckenna Grace in Ghostbusters Afterlife

ALT: Mckenna Grace in Ghostbusters Afterlife

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11/10/2026

#CornellRapists: “I hope it’s not another fatty.” So somewhere out there in this bleak world there’s another #JaneDoe with a similar if not worse horror story to tell. You cannot convince me that the upper echelons of #CornellUniversity didn’t know and they turned their backs. Fuck you, Cornell.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

While I have no objections to the death penalty for terrorists only sadists would want to livestream that shit. Instead let’s have a public reading of the Epstein files. And for an encore, every homophobic/transphobic #MAGAmoron with a Grindr account. #releasetheEpsteinfiles

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

How I feel whenever some #MAGAmoron tries to warn me about feminism or Islam or LGBT+ people 🤣😂

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Bart Sells: Wiggum & Raving Man

ALT: Bart Sells: Wiggum & Raving Man

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

share a character that reminds you of yourself

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Mr Bean Gives the Middle Finger

ALT: Mr Bean Gives the Middle Finger

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

I took a wee bit of a break from social media posting the other day. When I come back it seems #Facebook is overrun by little guys who were crying out #IamCharlieKirk this time last year now being confused by women saying #IamJaneDoe. Charlie Kirk fans: confusion is their default setting, really.

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 10/10/2026

#Watchingtonight: Prithee, friends, a query: should something distempered appeareth upon thy grounds, upon whom art thou going to call? If #Shakespeare had written #Ghostbusters. And, men, don’t bother a woman ever but especially when she’s TRYING TO FUCKING READ!!! #humor #movies #Spooktober

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Ghostbusters: Library Ghost Scare

ALT: Ghostbusters: Library Ghost Scare

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

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King of the Hill: Yep Yep Yep Mhmmm

ALT: King of the Hill: Yep Yep Yep Mhmmm

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

How I arrived on Bluesky.

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They Live: Roddy Piper's Bubble Gum Quote

ALT: They Live: Roddy Piper's Bubble Gum Quote

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

Every human being on Earth, at some point in their life, needs to listen to the late great Billie Holidays singing Strange Fruit. Turn off all the distractions and listen to the haunting quality of her voice and tell me the lyrics don’t shake you right down to your core #BLM #musicsky

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ALT: Jazz Blues

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 08/10/2026

#watchingtonight: giving #horror a wee break tonight. Pacing myself with spooky season. I just got Arrow on DVD so I’m getting reacquainted with the show. I love the Flash and Supergirl too. Plus…they wear costumes and scare bad guys so it’s in keeping with the #Halloween spirit.

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Arrow: Masked Vigilante with Bow and Arrows

ALT: Arrow: Masked Vigilante with Bow and Arrows

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Yo, #PeteHegseth, could you…I dunno…not do Nazi shit? I mean, I’m just wondering if you can go for two goddamn seconds without doing Nazi shit or is this like a Dr. Strangelove situation where you just have no control over the Nazi shit you do? #humor

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Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove War Room

ALT: Peter Sellers in Dr. Strangelove War Room

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

I like all the newer hosts. Alicia Malone is my favorite. She seems like the most approachable.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

Noir Alley is super cool and I love the Saturday Musical Matinees. Sadly the Essentials died out not too long after Robert Osborne passed but they still have some decent guest hosts like John Leguizamo and Spike Lee.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

TCM is a must for me. It’s the only channel I watch live (no ads.) I still have most of the streaming apps and I enjoy them but it’s no substitute for the elegance of TCM.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

TCM showed a bunch of his Poe works a year or two ago along with the Fly. Now THAT was a fun evening.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 07/10/2026

#watchingtonight: House on Haunted Hill and House of Wax. Because tonight..and every night…the Price is right! #horror #movies #Halloween

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Vincent Price: Intense Vintage Look

ALT: Vincent Price: Intense Vintage Look

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

I fell for it the first time I saw it but looking back…yeah.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

For the second entry for #Spooktober we go from ghosts that just need to talk to ghosts that may or may not exist. The Haunting is a masterpiece of #horror… by which I mean the 1963 version and not the 1999 CGI abomination that bears that same name. A #Halloween essential #movies #filmsky

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

Me too even though I could see the twist coming before the opening credits.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 06/10/2026

#watchingtonight: the Sixth Sense. Still the best of the Shymalan #movies and I say that as a defender of the Village. Everyone went gaga over Hayley Joel Osment but Bruce Willis and Toni Collette are absolutely fantastic. And I get the feeling that this is about more than kids seeing ghosts.

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Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense

ALT: Bruce Willis in The Sixth Sense

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#Redpill anti #feminism guy defending the #Cornellrapists to me: YOU DON’T BELIEVE IN THE BRO CODE?!? YOU MUST NOT HAVE ANY MALE FRIENDS!!!! *smiles smugly* Me: O mine brother in Gozerly love, not only do I have many make friends but none of them are cockmaggots. Funny how that works, innit? #humor

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#Redpill anti #feminism men: I am an alpha male. I am a natural born leader. I am in full control of my emotions unlike you weak, beta, cuck, libtard soyboys. Me: then you won’t mind me saying fuck the bro code. Burn it to the ground and salt the earth so nothing grows there again. Those same men:

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

One…million…cool points.

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Dr Evil (Mike Myers) in Austin Powers

ALT: Dr Evil (Mike Myers) in Austin Powers

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

It’s so weird and so great!

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

One million cool points to anyone who knows who this is. #Spooktober #Halloween #horror

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Courage The Cowardly Dog Dance

ALT: Courage The Cowardly Dog Dance

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

“And then mommy kissed daddy and the angel told the stork and the stork dropped a diamond under a leaf in the cabbage patch and the diamond turns into a baby.” “Our parents are having a baby too.” “They had sex.” Always…ALWAYS fucking funny. #watchingtonight #movies #filmsky

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Where Do We Bury The Body? - Addams Family Values

ALT: Where Do We Bury The Body? - Addams Family Values

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 05/10/2026

#watchingtonight in honor of #Spooktober: the Addams Family and Addams Family Values. The Addams family would know how to deal with those little anus maggots at Cornell. Scorched fucking earth, nothing left. And I had such a crush on Wednesday when I was a kid. #horror #movies #filmsky

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Wednesday Addams

ALT: Wednesday Addams

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

“Um, excuse me, but women need to be held accountable. She shouldn’t have gone to that party. She shouldn’t have drank and done drugs. She shouldn’t have…” Yeah, shush. That’s enough of that, Sparky. #Cornellrapists

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Willy Wonka Gene Wilder: Wrong Sir, WRONG!

ALT: Willy Wonka Gene Wilder: Wrong Sir, WRONG!

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

Yeah, but they’re not the sons of simps so they don’t count.

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Homer Simpson's Classic D'oh! Moment

ALT: Homer Simpson's Classic D'oh! Moment

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

I love being called a simp. Not only does it mean that the dumbass sees me as not a rapey, creepy neckbeard that gets his whole personality from #manosphere podcasts but it means that they see my dad as a simp. So technically that makes me a Simpson. D’OH!!! #humor #feminism

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Lisa Simpson Happy Dance

ALT: Lisa Simpson Happy Dance

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 04/10/2026

If you don’t know which two classic Roger Corman #movies I’m watching tonight on honor of #Spooktober then you just don’t know Jack. “My name is Wilbur. Wilbur Force. Some people don’t like going to the dentist but I find it quite enjoyable. Don’t you?” #horror #filmsky #watchingtonight

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

I’m not an expert in psychology by any means, but I have learned one or two things about what happens to victims of rape/sexual assault. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, good. It should. Men are too concerned about protecting the fucking bro code. #Cornellrapists #feminism

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

#watchingtonight: Childs Play 2. Fun fact: I played Freddy Kruger in a dinner show where the theme was #horror #movie villains. Chucky was also in it. At one point in the script Chucky challenges Freddy to a fight and I ad-libbed the line “BRING IT ON, CABBAGE PATCH.” #filmsky #humor

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Chucky Bites Woman in Horror Scene

ALT: Chucky Bites Woman in Horror Scene

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

Boy, it seems nothing triggers the #MAGAmorons like a college gang rape. Not the actual rape itself. They don’t have a problem with that at all. But HEARING about it? Being confronted? Accountability? Oh that triggers the everloving SHIT out of them. #Cornellrapists #feminism

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 03/10/2026

#watchingtonight: It. Watching a Tim Curry performance in a Tim Curry-less world is a surreal experience. He was one of those actors that was just always there in everything. I’m more than satisfied with both Pennywises but Curry is the Pennywise of my childhood. #movies #horror #filmsky

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ALT: Penny Wise It

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

New commandment: thou shalt not mention “due process” or “innocent until proven guilty” about the #Cornellrapists when you have spent the last year jerking it to ICE violating due process. #abolishICE #JusticeReneeNicoleGood #justiceforKeithPorter #justiceforAlexPretti

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Now THIS movie, Night of the Hunter, I argue IS a Spooktober #horror essential. Or horror/noir at least. It’s like a Grimms fairytale come to life with Robert Mitchum as the Big Bad Wolf. #watchingtonight

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Night Of The Hunter

ALT: Night Of The Hunter

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

Yes, I have a 200 favorite #movies list. And I would like to watch them all from 200 to 1 with YOU. Like the Roman emperors of old I shall let you all fight it out amongst yourselves to determine which “you” I mean. #filmsky #movienerd #humor

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 02/10/2026

#Watchingtonight: One Hour Photo. Maybe not #horror per se but a great thriller with a terrifying but sympathetic performance by the great #RobinWilliams. It still has worked its way into my #Spooktober #movie rotation. #filmsky

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Robin Williams' Farewell in One Hour Photo

ALT: Robin Williams' Farewell in One Hour Photo

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Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 01/10/2026

Men, the next time you feel the need to play the “well, actually” game with a rape/sexual assault survivor, questioning his/her actions, intoxication level, clothing etc. might I suggest a hearty helping of cream of shut the fuck up? It’s yummy and nutritious. #feminism #CornellSeven