wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 01/08/2026This is just to say I have eaten the lettuce that was in the icebox and which you were probably saving for salad Forgive me for my mistake so explosive and so stupid 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 24/05/2026Why did they call them AlphaBits when they could have called them Stock Characters? 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 27/10/2025Chotiner saying "I'm just trying to understand..." is like Columbo saying "Just one more thing..." except Columbo says that AFTER the murder has been committed. 010 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Gotta end this conclave so I can get back in time for Eurovision finals. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 08/05/2025Fighter jets keep throwing themselves into the salty embrace of the sea because much like Kate Chopin, they yearn for woke. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 12/04/2025Cannot express how much I hate the clown on The Pitt (by "the clown" I mean the measles mom, not the guy in the clown makeup). 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 07/04/2025The set already exists, so it's actually dereliction of duty that they don't make a The Pitt: Night Shift. Second season features a huge blizzard and several of the interns have to sleep in the hospital. I'm available for hire as a writer at very reasonable rates. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 04/04/2025I was at the first PittFest in 2003. The lineup was The Clarks, Rusted Root, the Shriners driving around in those tiny cars, and a DJ that played a 45 minute remix of Sandstorm and Enter Sandman. It was incredible. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 26/03/2025OMG just seeing this now. Lol, sorry. (Me responding to the war plans group chat.) 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 18/03/2025I'm running an Art History Stank Face March Madness tournament (64 paintings squaring off against each other to finally determine who has the stankiest face) and this is currently the number one seed that just had a blow out first round match: James Ensor's "Man of Sorrows" 010 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 17/03/2025By adding AI to the top of search results, Google managed to finally invent an even worse AskJeeves that boils a lake while not answering your question correctly. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 27/02/2025I don't care how good the best soy latte that you ever had was, I don't need to hear about it in song. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 22/02/2025Jimmy Ma, the best American since Ben Franklin, should go to Worlds. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 21/02/2025The Pitt should be 22 episode seasons like ER. Also it should air two seasons a year. There should never not be a new episode of The Pitt. Noah Wiley should not be allowed outside of a hospital set until he is dead. 020 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 20/02/2025Jimmy Ma could medal at 4Continents?!?! Stop the count! 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 19/02/2025Seeking funding for my next musical project CONCLAVE: The Jellicle Ball. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 18/02/2025The Ends of Art History at the Musée d'Orsay open.substack.com/pub/realarth... Wrote a little bit about being forced to sit around and listen to some guy. #art #artsky #arthistory #painting #buttopen.substack.comThe Ends of Art History at the Musée d'OrsayThe Rosicrucians (and Guildenstern) are Dead 100 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 16/02/2025I'm glad we have now abolished the woke sport of American football and have banned the singing of the Star Spangled Banner, the National An(they/them), due to it containing several pronouns. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 14/02/2025(Nuclear bombs exploding, people screaming, chaos everywhere) Chuck Schumer from his bunker: "I'm hearing a lot about inflation." 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 14/02/2025The gift shop at the National Gallery of Art is one of the worst gift shops I've ever had the displeasure of visiting. This is my formal application to be their new head of merchandising. Graphic design is my passion, etc. 010 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 13/02/2025People who were obsessed with calling Martin Luther a heretic? Diet of Worms for brains. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 12/02/2025Things childhood prepared me for: frequent encounters with quicksand; knowing how to cross a river when I have a wolf, a hen; and a bag of seed; writing in cursive. Things childhood did not prepare me for: the concept of budgeting; finding a place to live; responding to a coup. Alas. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 12/02/2025Please, I'm begging you to convince them that microplastics are woke. Tell them microplastics are just difficult to see pronouns. Microplastics are the DEI of plastics. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 11/02/2025I love Mary J Blige. I think she's a genius, but I think it is time we address the elephant in the room: she was wrong, and we absolutely need some hateration in this dancery. The jury is still out on holleration, but it is not looking good. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 10/02/2025I've heard there was a secret chord That David played and it pleased the Lord That chord was not A Minor. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 10/02/2025Pump Up the Volume? I just got done pumping up the jam. Can we cool it with the pumping? It feels like all I do these days is pump. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 09/02/2025Stop pumping up the jam. If anything, deflate the jam. Please, deflate the jam. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 09/02/2025I don't want to sound pedantic, but you keep saying that David played a secret chord, but (1) if you are telling me it goes like this, then it's not much of a secret and (2) the way you are describing it it sounds like he knew an arpeggio or at the very least a chord progression. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 07/02/2025How is it not a 30 Rock bit that "Celebrities Sitting In Chairs" is a real show on Broadway that people are paying hundreds of dollars to see. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 07/02/2025They should make a Michelle Kwan Pro Skater video game. It should be identical in almost every way to Tony Hawke Pro Skater just with Michelle Kwan and the soundtrack should be Lyra Angelica and Scheherazade. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 06/02/2025I wrote a handy guide for thinking about the saints. May this be of use to you in these troubling times. realarthistory.substack.com/p/this-is-no...realarthistory.substack.comFebruary Bonus! This is Not the Ends of Art History Presents: The SaintsAn Illustrated Glossary of Death 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 05/02/2025In 2009, I came up with the idea Abracadobro, a song about folk music and magic. Anyway, I really should have gotten on that in the last 16 years... 010 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 03/02/2025Did you love George Eliot's Middlemarch? Join me for this month's book club where we will be reading and discussing the lyrics to Barry Manilow's Copacabana (At the Copa). 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 02/02/2025Don't worry, Democrats are planning a big response to all this: Obama won't pick Duke to win March Madness. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 01/02/2025Really disappointed there isn't a proliferation of stan accounts for Finnish ice dance teams. What happened to culture? 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 31/01/2025Tuning out the world for some music meditation. Just me, Johannes Brahms's 21 Hungarian dances and Lou Bega's five mambos. #ClassicalMusic 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 30/01/2025The only way to correctly play the New York Times Connections is to say "We'll take the Lion Wall, Victoria" while the app loads. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 29/01/2025Fun fact: "A man, a plan, a joker: balatro" is a perfect palindrome. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 26/01/2025Seeing an 8 hour piece of theater today: Elevator Repair Service Presents Redwall. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 23/01/2025Finally getting into The Terror only like 20 years late. Good book. 100 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 23/01/2025Really should have started using AI to pump out sexy Balatro self-published slash fiction weeks ago. That's dollars I'm just leaving on the table. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 23/01/2025Can't sleep. Too busy making my pitchdeck for a new NBC Thursday night show... Law and Order: Special Victims Unit: Muppet Babies. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 22/01/2025"Why don't you go haunt a Balatro deck, you clown." - me inventing a comeback that is both timely and devastating. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 22/01/2025Cher would have used that AI that makes your voice Hungarian to produce one of the great pop bangers of the millennium, but instead we get Felicity Jones doing whatever it is she is doing. Seems sub-optimal. 000 0
wolfeyp @wolfeyp.bsky.social · 21/01/2025Getting the Severance procedure but for Presidential administrations 020 0
