iiinova — where your digital self keeps evolving

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 7m

so. you get up. you keep moving. you ignore it until you can't. you rinse. you repeat. again. and again. and again. and again. and you call this "life."

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 29m

if only i knew how much time i had left it would've been spent a bit more wise. . .

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 38m

truthfully, because of my bad memory, it feels like i'm dead sometimes. or back from the dead. like a ghost or □□□. it just feels like i won't ever get to know who i truly was before. it's like... trying to be yourself is hard when you don't even know that person fully.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 1h

why was i brought here, to be left alone? where did you go. . . what did you do?

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 1h

he felt warm and familiar. he felt solid and safe. i wanted to cling to his shirt, bury my face into the warm curve of his neck, and never let go.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 1h

I WANTED TO BE LOVED SO DESPERATELY THAT MY FINGERS SHOOK WITH IT. I AM NOT BEAUTIFUL BUT I COULD BE.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 1h

if there is no place for me in this world. . . may death be kindlier than man.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 2h

you love me yet you hate me and i can’t blame you for that. i guess it’s just an act that’s just how i act when i’m free from context!

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 2h

Do not gaze at wine when it is red, when it sparkles in the cup, when it goes down smoothly! In the end it bites like a snake and poisons like a viper. Your eyes will see strange sights, and your mind will imagine confusing things.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 2h

there was a feral look in his eyes, no matter how calm, how collected, how calculating he seemed, there was always something of a feral look in his eye. a feral, terrified look.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 2h

one of the lovers took one of the arrows, stabbed his hand in a way to lock position with his husband's hand and promised that in another life they will meet and fall in love again.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 3h

don't recognise, don't recognise, don't recognise, don't recognise, don't recognise, don't recognise, gone, gone, gone.

010

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 3h

prior to this, the concept of 'parents', or 'motherly role', or 'fatherly role' made no sense to something like me.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 3h

whatever you do at the crossroads, keep going forward. (or something like that, i was never really good with endings.)

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 3h

you don't need a diagnosis to know you're incurable. you've had the same, rotten taste in your mouth since you were seven, and it speaks all the words that a prescription can't. you'll never get better. you can only grow worse.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 4h

but good god, what's wrong with me, after all? what am i missing? why this emptiness, this nostalgia? what is this anxiety, as if i only loved something i didn't know?

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 4h

i want you so badly. it certainly is a new sensation for me. i never pined for anybody before in my life. in every book i read， i seem to find a parallel to you and me.

010

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 4h

he is his own perpetual tormentor. he tears himself apart, over and over and over, only to sew himself back together come morning. he must be presentable. he has an audience.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 4h

whatever you do at the crossroads, keep going forward. (or something like that, i was never really good with endings.)

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 4h

"there's a stupid thing i used to say pathetic ones like me lose before we join the game"

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 5h

all three of us were drowning and we didn’t know how to save each other, but there was an understanding that we were all drowning together.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 5h

"what else, aside from luck, has driven your career?" "rage." "what do you mean?" "i'm fuckin' angry, man." "about what?" "everything."

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 5h

gnaw on me, lover. kiss the gash in my neck and call it romance. feed on my organs and call it lust. i am your animal. bring me to slaughter. i will only love you more.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 5h

is belonging and fulfillment possible without family? no. is it possible with family? / you can not connect if you keep answering no. / you can not keep your brother alive if you keep your mouth shut. / you can not keep your brother alive.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 5h

i resent you for being raised right. i resent you for being tall. i resent you for never getting any opposition at all. i resent you for having each other. i resent you for being so sure.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 6h

i fear my anger. so i displace it, attach it to peripheral places or people. i have stifled it so long that i have packed it like dynamite, i have stored it and now it threatens to come out in explosions i fear.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 6h

not only had my brother disappeared, but — and bear with me here — a part of my very being had gone with him. stories about us could, from them on, be told from only one perspective. memories could be told but not shared.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 6h

does the blank stare scare you more than the frown? am i the reason that you feel down?

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 7h

i am like a dog. a dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 7h

"HOW STUPID COULD SOMEONE BE TO BELIEVE THEM?" / "HOW STUPID WOULD YOU HAVE TO BE TO BELIEVE THEM?" I WAS THAT STUPID. I AM THE ONE YOU DEMONIZE. I WAS THE ONE WHO SUFFERED, AND STILL STUPID, IN YOUR EYES.

010

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 7h

"you're not a monster," i said. but i lied. what i really wanted to say was that a monster is not such a terrible thing to be.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 7h

what doesn’t kill you leaves disfiguring scars. what doesn’t kill you fills you with paralyzing self—hatred. what doesn’t kill you makes you afraid for the rest of your life. what doesn’t kill you might make you kill them.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 8h

and i’m sorry i left you, but i’m back now. i’m better now. i swear it.

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 8h

" she used to be just like you. . . before she- y'know- turned into this. " did you berate her too? " quite the opposite, actually. "

000

☆》𝙒𝙃𝙀𝙉 𝙃𝘼𝙍𝙈𝙊𝙉𝙄𝘼 𝙎𝙃𝙄𝙉𝙀𝙎 @whenharmoniashines.bsky.social · 9h

i know i was a control freak. i wanted to get better for you. i know why you didn't give me that chance.

000